DUmmie FUnnies 09-30-06 ("In Case I Disappear"---William Rivers Pitt)

Ever since his very public humiliation last Spring when he stated that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12, Pied Piper Pitt has kept a rather low profile in DUmmieland. Oh sure, there have been several overlong posts of excruciating boredom made by him but they were more in the form of territorial marking, like a cat urinating on a tree trunk, just to let the DUmmies know he is still around. However, Pitt has now upped the ante of his usual melodramatic antics and now wants people to know that he thinks that he is IMPORTANT enough for the government to take turn him into a North American version of a desaparecido as if the EVIL Bush regime would issue a Nacht und Nebel (Night and Fog) decree for him. Sorry, Pitt, but you just aren't that important. The only place you will be disappearing is into the Bukowki's toilet stall for an extended stay to disgorge yourself of your copious imbibings. The fact is, the government only really knows about you as presented by the DUmmie FUnnies and do you think they want to shut down such a great source of inadvertent humor as you have amply demonstrated in this THREAD breathlessly titled, "In Case I Disappear." So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt melodramatically attempt to make all memories of his role in perpetrating Hoaxmas disappear in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking of devoting an entire chapter of his DUmmie FUnnies book to the comedic Pitt antics, is in the [brackets]:

[The DUmmie FUnnies will mourn the loss of its best source of inadvertent comedy material.]

I have been told a thousand times at least, in the years I have spent reporting on the astonishing and repugnant abuses, lies and failures of the Bush administration, to watch my back. "Be careful," people always tell me. "These people are capable of anything. Stay off small planes, make sure you aren't being followed." A running joke between my mother and me is that she has a "safe room" set up for me in her cabin in the woods, in the event I have to flee because of something I wrote or said.

I always laughed and shook my head whenever I heard this stuff. Extreme paranoia wrapped in the tinfoil of conspiracy, I thought. This is still America, and these Bush fools will soon pass into history, I thought. I am a citizen, and the First Amendment hasn't yet been red-lined, I thought.

[Ever since May 12, the Day When Everything Finally Changed...for the third time.]

It seems, perhaps, that the people who warned me were not so paranoid. It seems, perhaps, that I was not paranoid enough. Legislation passed by the Republican House and Senate, legislation now marching up to the Republican White House for signature, has shattered a number of bedrock legal protections for suspects, prisoners, and pretty much anyone else George W. Bush deems to be an enemy.

So much of this legislation is wretched on the surface. Habeas corpus has been suspended for detainees suspected of terrorism or of aiding terrorism, so the Magna Carta-era rule that a person can face his accusers is now gone. Once a suspect has been thrown into prison, he does not have the right to a trial by his peers. Suspects cannot even stand in representation of themselves, another ancient protection, but must accept a military lawyer as their defender.

[Don't worry, Pitt. I will ensure that you always have the right to a trial by your peers by recruiting the jury pool from the Titicut Follies performers.]

Illegally-obtained evidence can be used against suspects, whether that illegal evidence was gathered abroad or right here at home. To my way of thinking, this pretty much eradicates our security in persons, houses, papers, and effects, as stated in the Fourth Amendment, against illegal searches and seizures.

Speaking of collecting evidence, the torture of suspects and detainees has been broadly protected by this new legislation. While it tries to delineate what is and is not acceptable treatment of detainees, in the end, it gives George W. Bush the final word on what constitutes torture. US officials who use cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment to extract information from detainees are now shielded from prosecution.

[We continue to have the right to cruelly torture terrorists with 69 degrees of air conditioning.]

It was two Supreme Court decisions, Hamdi v. Rumsfeld and Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, that compelled the creation of this legislation. The Hamdi decision held that a prisoner has the right of habeas corpus, and can challenge his detention before an impartial judge. The Hamdan decision held that the military commissions set up to try detainees violated both the Uniform Code of Military Justice and the Geneva Conventions.

In short, the Supreme Court wiped out virtually every legal argument the Bush administration put forth to defend its extraordinary and dangerous behavior. The passage of this legislation came after a scramble by Republicans to paper over the torture and murder of a number of detainees. As columnist Molly Ivins wrote on Wednesday, "Of the over 700 prisoners sent to Gitmo, only 10 have ever been formally charged with anything. Among other things, this bill is a CYA for torture of the innocent that has already taken place."

[Strange how neither Pitt nor the DUmmiecrats can actually NAME the tortured and murdered detainees.]

It seems almost certain that, at some point, the Supreme Court will hear a case to challenge the legality of this legislation, but even this is questionable. If a detainee is not allowed access to a fair trial or to the evidence against him, how can he bring a legal challenge to a court? The legislation, in anticipation of court challenges like Hamdi and Hamdan, even includes severe restrictions on judicial review over the legislation itself.

The Republicans in Congress have managed, at the behest of Mr. Bush, to draft a bill that all but erases the judicial branch of the government. Time will tell whether this aspect, along with all the others, will withstand legal challenges. If such a challenge comes, it will take time, and meanwhile there is this bill. All of the above is deplorable on its face, indefensible in a nation that prides itself on Constitutional rights, protections and the rule of law.

Underneath all this is the definition of "enemy combatant" that has been established by this legislation. An "enemy combatant" is now no longer just someone captured "during an armed conflict" against our forces. Thanks to this legislation, George W. Bush is now able to designate as an "enemy combatant" anyone who has "purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States."

Consider that language a moment. "Purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States" is in the eye of the beholder, and this administration has proven itself to be astonishingly impatient with criticism of any kind. The broad powers given to Bush by this legislation allow him to capture, indefinitely detain, and refuse a hearing to any American citizen who speaks out against Iraq or any other part of the so-called "War on Terror."

[Fortunately Bukowski's has been designated a protected sanctuary so you will remain forever safe.]

If you write a letter to the editor attacking Bush, you could be deemed as purposefully and materially supporting hostilities against the United States. If you organize or join a public demonstration against Iraq, or against the administration, the same designation could befall you. One dark-comedy aspect of the legislation is that senators or House members who publicly disagree with Bush, criticize him, or organize investigations into his dealings could be placed under the same designation. In effect, Congress just gave Bush the power to lock them up.

[Or as MTV kept repeating just before the 2004 election---you COULD be drafted.]

By writing this essay, I could be deemed an "enemy combatant." It's that simple, and very soon, it will be the law. I always laughed when people told me to be careful. I'm not laughing anymore.

In case I disappear, remember this. America is an idea, a dream, and that is all. We have borders and armies and citizens and commerce and industry, but all this merely makes us like every other nation on this Earth. What separates us is the idea, the simple idea, that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are our organizing principles. We can think as we please, speak as we please, write as we please, worship as we please, go where we please. We are protected from the kinds of tyranny that inspired our creation as a nation in the first place.

[LOOKEE MEE! LOOKEE MEE! I'm important enough to be disappeared by the EVIL Bush Regime! (Can I now PLEASE have a campaign job, Mr. Kerry?)]

That was the idea. That was the dream. It may all be over now, but once upon a time, it existed. No good idea ever truly dies. The dream was here, and so was I, and so were you.

[Your dream of a Kerry campaign job has disappeared, Pitt, after making the entire Democrat party look like fools for falling for the Hoaxmas fraud you perpetrated last May. And now on to the DUmmie responses to this pathetic eruption of overinflated self-importance...]

brought me to tears, both for its beauty but also from the fear and dread I feel. I am so scared for my family (this includes my DU family).

Bush alone could change the outcome of the elections in November if he wants to. He can lock them up and throw away the key. And it's all legal thanks to the GOP-led (corrupt) Congress.

[And he can even make the Diebold election results whistle Dixie if he wants to.]

Have we finally stopped circling the drain, and started moving full-speed toward the sewer?

Get ready for a bumpy ride. We are following the path of pre WWII Germany to a T. We need to start a check in place to keep track of each other.

The worst part about the "New World Order" is that you won't ever be able to escape it's reach by moving to another country. It's not like that yet, but someday, if their plans are carried out to the fullest extent, there will truly be no where to run, no where to hide.

Even now we are on the verge of taking hold of the course of our own evolution. We may be a mere hundred years away from unlocking full human potential and making strides we can't even imagine now. But it doesn't matter if it is a hundred years, or a thousand, or even a million. Provided we do not go extinct, we will eventually achieve a transcendent human philosophy along with our technological and physical achievements.

Immortality and control are irrelevant where the human spirit is concerned. Both will fade, or all will perish.

there is always suicide. The Archons ,rulers or"principalities and powers" Fascist f*ckheads whatever you call it,They can try to break your mind,control your life,damage your body..but they cannot control your spirit once you decide to refuse them control and the most extreme form of saying no, is to cut yourself free of your own body..To me, that was the core of Jesus's message.The body is not you. Death is not the END..Disagree all you want.

Yeah, I'll be a traitor. lots of thought, maybe the thought police will get me first.

Can I have some of your rice? They will not feed us as well as the "detainees" at Guantanamo...

If we don't get subpoena power in this Election, * will absolutely squash all dissent. I hear that he has set up the Doomsday Project at DOJ in case Dems do get Subpoena Power. They will fight it tooth and nail. They're shredding as we type probably.

I feel the same way - and I am afraid. I am terrified, I will get flamed but I am seriously thinking of telling the ACLU to dump my membership, delete my account at DU and cut all my ties to all political groups. I am so fearful for my small children.

[They are safe as long as they are not schoolgirls at a certain private Newton school.]

It's been a tough day. I'm a teacher and it's my planning period now, but I lost it first period. When my students asked why I didn't have as much patience as usual today I picked up the paper and read part of an article to them. I didn't tell them everything, but I let them know they should be concerned about our country.

Thinking we might be wise to break into some cells for communication purposes; sort of a Deeper Underground Democratic Underground.

I think about my family, and the people I love, and what would happen to them if I became a victim of Bush. It's not right. It's not America. It's...all over.

But... I have to say in all honesty that if anyone feels threatened by the passage of this un-American legislation and granting of unprecedented power to the executive, they should immediately arm themselves and be prepared to shoot to kill anyone who tries to take them away.

I'm gonna go hide under the bed and sob now. I really miss my country. I suppose the good news is we'll all be together at Gitmo for my birthday party next year.

The scariest thing to me is that most Americans don't even know what's happening. When I try to tell people in my family, many of them think I've gone over the edge

I think Will Pitt's posting are generally thoughtful and thought provoking, even when I don't fully agree with them. But I think some people have an over-inflated sense of their own significance. The folks posting here are, to the administration, no more than a pimple on the butt of the universe.

I'm going to try to alter or abolish this government in November. If that doesn't work due to something such as a stolen election, then I will find other ways to throw off this despotic government. If they try to disappear me, you, or anyone else, then I will pledge my life, fortune, and sacred honor to stop them. In short, the evil would no longer be sufferable, and I'm stubborn as a mule when liberty is at stake. I bet I ain't the only one that feels that way.

Will, I have avoided your posts because of some disparaging words you had for me, but today I did read this piece and it made me cry. Today I would like to make amends and stand with you against the tyranny that faces all of us.

The disparaging words were almost certainly me being an asshole. It happens from time to time, and I apologize.

[It happens whenever you indulge in a drunken Bukowski's binge which means FREQUENTLY.]

The Enabling Act (Ermächtigungsgesetz in German) was passed by Germany's parliament (the Reichstag) on 23 March 1933. It was the second major step after the Reichstag Fire Decree through which the Nazis obtained dictatorial powers using largely legal means. The Act enabled Chancellor Adolf Hitler and his cabinet to enact laws without the participation of the Reichstag. The formal name of the Enabling Act was Gesetz zur Behebung der Not von Volk und Reich ('Law to Remedy the Distress of the People and the Reich'). As with most of the laws passed in the process of Gleichschaltung, the Enabling Act is quite short (5 Articles), considering its consequences. The Enabling Act was proclaimed by the government the following day on March 24. Following constitutional procedure for legislation, the law was countersigned by President von Hindenburg, Chancellor Hitler, Minister of Interior Frick, Foreign Minister von Neurath, and Minister of Finance von Krosigk.

[ACHTUNG!!! Pied Piper Pitt tossing around long German words to make himself seem important. Freudenschade, baby!]

Thank you, everyone, for the thoughts and recommendations We hang together or hang separately.

[And DUmmie symbolman WINS a Kewpie Doll for having the brief mental clarity to NAIL Pied Piper Pitt. Continue...]

I'm pretty sure that actual Media people who show up on the radar (Liberal of course) will be taken out first, not internet "conspiracy theorists" which is what they call ALL of us, including you. Why not just quit the DU and play it safe, you've done it before. If indeed you are considered more than an ass pimple to this admin, as one poster suggested most of us are, it would be your duty as our leader to lay low for awhile as you are much too valuable to us all here. We are going to need you to lead the charge.

[Hey, we're talking about Pied Piper Pitt here. You're on a roll so continue...]

It's too bad Rove wasn't actually indicted. Had that happened he might not have pulled this little ploy, instead been sitting in a cell, or too busy flooding his Depends to dream up something this rancid.

[But Rove was indicted last May 12. Didn't you get the news from Pitt via TruthOut? Continue...]

You know how much I'd hate to see you go Will, but I actually WOULD be pained if you got tortured, if that were to happen I would be there for you as a someone they have trained to kill, despite any disagreements we have.

I'll leave these words for posterity, because I know either way Pitt's threads are going to wind up saved for the future.

[Don't worry. Pitt's comedy act is being saved for posterity in the DUmmie FUnnies. Continue with your "words for posterity..."]

If we wake up in time to pull out if this nosedive, we'll be remembered through history as leaders of the revolt. If we fail and wind up in the Gitmo's planned for us, then they'll keep these threads for evidence. If I see long time posters disappearing, if I suddenly stop posting then I will have been disappeared, and any of you that are still around you better head for higher ground.

[Is that you, Ruth? And shouldn't you be writing down these "words for posterity" on toilet paper for Evey to read in V For Vendetta?]

Secondly, if you're a Tolkien fan, just remember that help comes from unseen, unbidden quarters when you least expect it (and often when things look their bleakest). The Eagles always managed to turn up at just the right time, to turn the tide.

[Thirdly, I'm wondering at this point how many of these dopey rantings are coming from legit NUttie DUmmies or from LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]

Anyone that has posted here, even logged on here. Anyone who has said a less than flattering word about the current administration. Anyone who attended a rally against the war. Anyone who had a Kerry bumpersticker on their car or dared to vote for him. All of us here in the DU community are now at risk. We can be arrested without any probable cause, whisked off to Gitmo or even worse and kept there until we die without our families having any information.

When they come for me I will scream loud enough for all of you to hear me, after I bite off someone's nuts!

I can't get my mind off this since yesterday. Everything I do or say is now clouded with hesitation. Add that to the fact that I work for a "Christian" employer who would probably fire me if they knew how liberal I am, and I'm totally freaked out.

[Don't forget to bow before your employer's fish symbol daily or it's off to Gitmo for you.]

SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER: WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. Pitt weaves beautiful, reverberating truth to Bu$h's raw, obscene power. Thank God for Will Pitt.

A running joke between my mother and me is that she has a "safe room" set up for me in her cabin in the woods, in the event I have to flee because of something I wrote or said.

Don't bother. If you truly were being hunted by the evil BFEE, your cabin would be targeted by an airstrike and you'd be turned into a pancake.

Legislation passed by the Republican House and Senate, legislation now marching up to the Republican White House for signature, has shattered a number of bedrock legal protections for suspects, prisoners, and pretty much anyone else George W. Bush deems to be an enemy.

Oh yes, you're a real threat to the President! I'm sure he's shaking in his boots knowing you're out there watching him!

Habeas corpus has been suspended for detainees suspected of terrorism or of aiding terrorism, so the Magna Carta-era rule that a person can face his accusers is now gone. Once a suspect has been thrown into prison, he does not have the right to a trial by his peers. Suspects cannot even stand in representation of themselves, another ancient protection, but must accept a military lawyer as their defender.

Worse, suspects will be forced to watch Miracle, a special extended cut where the crowd chants "USA! USA! USA!" for 45 minutes straight. Also, funny how Pitt hears "military lawyer" and thinks the worst. Here's a clue: The military has such high standards that bad military lawyers are as rare as patriotic liberals. And they are sworn to defend the client to the best of their ability.

Here's the fun part: Hamdan was brought by a military lawyer. If those guys didn't care about defending the terrorist scum they are assigned to, Pitt couldn't have even written this paranoid pile of crap.

Illegally-obtained evidence can be used against suspects,

You can tell Pitt's case against the detainee law is really strong, because he has to lie to prop it up.

To my way of thinking, this pretty much eradicates our security in persons, houses, papers, and effects, as stated in the Fourth Amendment, against illegal searches and seizures.

Now, I know he's not talking about the Patriot Act, but this reminds me: If the Patriot Act is such a blow to civil liberties, why didn't people like Pitt stand up against them when they were frist applied to mobsters and drug dealers long before 9/11? Why did they wait until America was under attack to start caring about my civil liberties? I think we know the answer!

Speaking of collecting evidence, the torture of suspects and detainees has been broadly protected by this new legislation.

Oh Pitt, you're so convincing when you lie! The whole point of the bill was to ensure that nobody would be torturing detainees. Not even you're dumb enough to miss that, but you're hoping (as usual) that your fellow DUmmmies will just buy your pap without engaging their brains.

While it tries to delineate what is and is not acceptable treatment of detainees, in the end, it gives George W. Bush the final word on what constitutes torture.

Sorry Pitt, the third lie was not the charm.

US officials who use cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment to extract information from detainees are now shielded from prosecution.

That's four. What the law does is protect interrogators from being tried for things that weren't illegal when they did them. That's called a right, dipstick.

The Hamdan decision held that the military commissions set up to try detainees violated both the Uniform Code of Military Justice and the Geneva Conventions.

I believe history will view this decision as being as logic-free as Dred Scott. These guys fit Geneva like Jeffrey Dahmer fits the phrase "great dinner date."

In short, the Supreme Court wiped out virtually every legal argument the Bush administration put forth to defend its extraordinary and dangerous behavior.

No, they didn't stop the Rummy vs. Condi half pipe skateboard contests on the White House lawn.

As columnist Molly Ivins wrote on Wednesday, "Of the over 700 prisoners sent to Gitmo, only 10 have ever been formally charged with anything. Among other things, this bill is a CYA for torture of the innocent that has already taken place."

1. We didn't charge most Axis prisoners with crimes in WWII either. Could you liberal bedwetters just decide whether you want to treat these guys like prisoners of war or not? If we're sending a woman in to question them it's a Geneva violation, if we treat them like POWs it's a Constitutional violation. Make up your tiny freakin minds!

2. Does Molly know to make the torture accusation because she read the Al Qaeda manual or just because she knows that the drawback to secrecy is that it allows an enemy to lie all they want about the secret?

3. Oh wait, Molly is just ticked off that Dubya didn't ask her to the prom. I withdraw my question.

If a detainee is not allowed access to a fair trial or to the evidence against him, how can he bring a legal challenge to a court?

Aw, I just tear up at the thought that the trial of a guy who kills women and children might not be to Pitt's standards.

The Republicans in Congress have managed, at the behest of Mr. Bush, to draft a bill that all but erases the judicial branch of the government.

No exaggeration there...Why not accuse Bush of summoning Godzilla to destroy Tokyo while you're at it?

All of the above is deplorable on its face, indefensible in a nation that prides itself on Constitutional rights, protections and the rule of law.

"How dare a nation persecute these terrorists when we should be focusing on real American values like the killing of small children in the womb!"

Thanks to this legislation, George W. Bush is now able to designate as an "enemy combatant" anyone who has "purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States."

Hmmm...why would the DU crowd fit that definition? Hey guys, you're worried for a reason. The reason isn't that you'll get picked up, the reason is that deep down you know that the rest of us are on to your "my country except when it defends itself" line of BS.

Consider that language a moment. "Purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States" is in the eye of the beholder,

Pitt will never be found guilty. Too few people read his stuff for it to ba a material support to anything but his ego.

and this administration has proven itself to be astonishingly impatient with criticism of any kind.

Sure, in the same way that the Steelers were astonishingly unable to play football last year.

The broad powers given to Bush by this legislation allow him to capture, indefinitely detain, and refuse a hearing to any American citizen who speaks out against Iraq or any other part of the so-called "War on Terror."

So, we should see DU shut down any day now, right? Betcha it's up every day between now and Inauguration Day in '08, unless Skinner tombstones everybody first.

If you write a letter to the editor attacking Bush, you could be deemed as purposefully and materially supporting hostilities against the United States.

But wait, the newspaper would be too! And if you wrote the letter with a Parker or a Bic, they'd be guilty too! We're all goin' to jail!

If you organize or join a public demonstration against Iraq, or against the administration, the same designation could befall you.

Sure. Can't wait to see it. Any minute. Any time now. Sure.

One dark-comedy aspect of the legislation is that senators or House members who publicly disagree with Bush, criticize him, or organize investigations into his dealings could be placed under the same designation. In effect, Congress just gave Bush the power to lock them up.

Wow, just thinking about that makes me grin.

By writing this essay, I could be deemed an "enemy combatant."

I guarantee he doesn't believe that. He's not that brave.

In case I disappear,

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh man, my sides hurt now. Sorrry, go ahead.

Actually, the DUmmie values are "abortion and euthanasia, jail for fundies and a lot of medication."

I am so scared for my family

I'm watching them on the VRWC monitors right bnow and you should be. They appear to be too dumb to be allowed out of the house. That means you, too.

Bush alone could change the outcome of the elections in November if he wants to.

But why do that when the Dems are doing it for him?

Have we finally stopped circling the drain, and started moving full-speed toward the sewer?

No, you just smell that way.

We are following the path of pre WWII Germany to a T.

Wow, could this guy know less about history?

We need to start a check in place to keep track of each other.

Everybody tell us where your Mom's house is...we can find the basement on our own.

The worst part about the "New World Order" is that you won't ever be able to escape it's reach by moving to another country.

Sort of like having the UN in charge.

Even now we are on the verge of taking hold of the course of our own evolution. We may be a mere hundred years away from unlocking full human potential and making strides we can't even imagine now.

Your high score at Tetris is not a sign of an impending evolutionary breakthrough.

Immortality and control are irrelevant where the human spirit is concerned. Both will fade, or all will perish.

[Ghandi quote]

Never for even a moment do I intend to lie down...

Headline in six days or so "DUMember Dies Horribly: Runs Naked Into Traffic, Screaming "Karl Rove's Giant Head is Chasing Me" And Is Run Over By SUV's".

Yeah, the whole point of the Gospel was "off yourself to escape the neocons, kiddies." How in the world will we ever beat people this smart?

Yeah, I'll be a traitor.

Um...you already are. Next!

Can I have some of your rice? They will not feed us as well as the "detainees" at Guantanamo...

You only get your orange glazed chicken and rice pilaf if you sing "Jesus Loves Me" for our Religious Re-Education Coordinator, Reverend Henrickson.

If we don't get subpoena power in this Election, * will absolutely squash all dissent.

Sure, there won't be any Dems screaming "Chimpy McHitler" in 2007. All right, I can dream, can't I?

I hear that he has set up the Doomsday Project at DOJ in case Dems do get Subpoena Power.

Yeah, I'm sure you have great sources. Here's a tip: Your spirit guide does not work at the DOJ.

They're shredding as we type probably.

Yeah, they'r reeeeal scared you guys will win all those seats by energizing the country with talking points straight from Osama's cave.

First, please do. Second, don't worry, Reverend Henrickson and I have some great Blow Pops with a "Jesus Loves Me" smily face on them to give to your kids. As a bonus, we'll keep Pitt and Benburch away from them.

Thanks for that story, DUmmie, you've become Reason #2,562 my kids are homeschooled.

Thinking we might be wise to break into some cells for communication purposes; sort of a Deeper Underground Democratic Underground.

[Deeper Underground Democratic Underground aka Deep DUDU.]

LOL! I think about my family, and the people I love, and what would happen to them if I became a victim of Bush.

What if you became a victim of Dutch elm Disease? I'm told Al Gore is deathly afraid of it.

I have to say in all honesty that if anyone feels threatened by the passage of this un-American legislation and granting of unprecedented power to the executive, they should immediately arm themselves and be prepared to shoot to kill anyone who tries to take them away.

Headline: "National 'Police Dorr-to-Door Greeting Day" ends in tragedy as hundreds of Leftists accidentally shoot themselves." Actually, we'd better be careful, Halloween is coming up, and the DUmmies might mistake a ghoul or two for The Man. "Trick or--BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

I'm gonna go hide under the bed and sob now.

That's the best possible use of your time.

I really miss my country.

Get used to it, the USSR isn't coming back.

I suppose the good news is we'll all be together at Gitmo for my birthday party next year.

Actually, you've been assigned to my Wal-Mart Re-Education Camp. Get ready for lots of Christian music on the loudspeakers.

When I try to tell people in my family, many of them think I've gone over the edge

"Don't you get it? When they say they're going to question an Al Qaeda mastermind really harshly, they mean they're going to lock you up, Dad! You!" "Honey, are you absolutely sure you weren't drinking lead paint while you were pregnant with him?"

And you win...A KEWPIE DOLL!

If that doesn't work due to something such as a stolen election, then I will find other ways to throw off this despotic government.

"I will tell my mom to fight the capitalist power structure by buying me regular oOreos instead of Double Stuff. Suck on that, fatcats!"

If they try to disappear me, you, or anyone else, then I will pledge my life, fortune, and sacred honor to stop them.

"And I play a lot of Halo, so you know I'll be a real badass!"

In short, the evil would no longer be sufferable, and I'm stubborn as a mule when liberty is at stake.

"Which is why I subscribe to the ideology that promotes government control of business, religious expression, speech, gun ownership..."

"You had me at 'Bushitler.'"

The disparaging words were almost certainly me being an asshole.

Pitt drawing breat involves him being an @$$#%^&.

The Act enabled Chancellor Adolf Hitler and his cabinet to enact laws without the participation of the Reichstag.

Ooh, and since this particular detainee law outlaws Congress, we're just like...Hey, wait a minute! Thaose laws aren't anything alike. Stupid DUmmie lead me down the primrose path.

Hey Pitt...

Reichstag fire: Fake.
Al Qaeda: Real

Hitler: Allows no dissent, puts people in camps.

Bush: Allows dissent, could care less about you, would thoink you're a joke if he noticed.

So much drama, so little time. ... Smoke and mirrors, tons of ego all around.

And in 14 words, Pitt's life is summed up.

All five Dummie vets are ready to sneak into the Wal-Marts and blow up the NASCAR memorabilia and Joyce Meyers books.

I'll leave these words for posterity, because I know either way Pitt's threads are going to wind up saved for the future.

Abnormal psych textbooks can always use pertintent examples.

If we wake up in time to pull out if this nosedive, we'll be remembered through history as leaders of the revolt.

"The DUmmies are revolting!" "Yeah, you said it, they stink on ice."

If I see long time posters disappearing, if I suddenly stop posting then I will have been disappeared, and any of you that are still around you better head for higher ground.

How would you tell the difference between Skinner's tombstoning binges and neocon kidnapping?

Secondly, if you're a Tolkien fan, just remember that help comes from unseen, unbidden quarters when you least expect it (and often when things look their bleakest).

Poor buggers don't realize they're the orcs.

Will be ignored by an administration that wouldn't have the time to worry about you flabby effeminates even if it was evil.

Everything I do or say is now clouded with hesitation. Add that to the fact that I work for a "Christian" employer who would probably fire me if they knew how liberal I am, and I'm totally freaked out.

Don't worry, Reverend Henrickson and I will have plenty of work for you, scrubbing the restrooms at the Wal-Mart Re-Ed center between classes.

SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER: WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. Pitt weaves beautiful, reverberating truth to Bu$h's raw, obscene power. Thank God for Will Pitt.

[Is that you, Will Pitt?]

"Raw, obscene power?" Sounds more like benburch.

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