Posted on 05/06/2005 6:53:22 AM PDT by writer33
Fresno—In a joyous revelation, Laura Bush created Free Republic’s very own version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, causing the death of the coupe de grace of the coupe de tat. It appeared that posters—known as Freepers—were bickering so much about Laura Bush’s jokes in Washington that they resorted to cannibalism, dismemberment and decapitation of each other in defense of their position on the first lady’s comments.
The posts on the forum reportedly became so hostile that Jim Robinson, the bigoted owner of the site, was forced to pull one of the threads, leaving a lone thread for the carnage to commence as Freepers slaughtered each other.
Along with the hysteria that the closed-minded robots forced on innocent victims, redneck, Christian conservatives were pitted against ignorant, secular and hedonistic conservatives. In a clash of mental midget titans, radio icons, Michael Savage and Bill Bennett, were savaged by unsubstantiated, venomous attacks in this bloodbath. There was, of course, the typical bashing of the New York Times as the witless, free-for-all comments commenced.
“Savage is a pinhead, and everybody else who is getting an attack of the vapors over this little lark needs to think long and hard about the aid and comfort they're giving the enemy,” posted steve-b, an ignoramus of ill repute, taking first amendment rights to their idiotic conclusions.
However, steve-b’s asinine posts didn’t end there. In his address to Wallace T., he slammed Bill Bennett’s for his comments on the Laura Bush’s jokes. “I still think Bill Bennett was massaging out a cramp he got from trying to work a balky nickel-slots handle.” The carnivores were out and just getting started.
Pippin joined the slaughter of the innocents, commenting, “Someone should tell Michael ‘Bush is scum’ Savage to SHUT HIS BIG FAT MOUTH!” Immaturity was in the air as the obvious kindergarten antics were in full force.
The Leatherfaces of Free Republic also began to hack and slash with intellectual immaturity, attacking the Christian right. “The people who are feigning moral disgust at what Laura said are nothing short of perverted,” whined ohioWfan. “Not one solid, moral Christian I know on this forum—and in my 'real' life—thought the First Lady's comments were immoral. Those who are screaming the loudest are complete frauds.” The only fraud here was the lack of any grain of moral fiber whatsoever from ohioWfan. As we’ve all heard, “A hit dog always hollers.” Well, the hit dogs were screaming bloody murder on May 3, 2005.
“I love the ‘holier than thou’ crowd going nuts and analyzing every word, trying to better up one another,” hammered repinwi, with a post that could’ve come straight from the Democratic Underground.
“Holier-than-thou nut jobs pretty well sums it up,” blasted Samwise, an unwise hobbit and moron.
“You would have a problem if it were a Hallmark movie,” screamed the repugnant repinwi, assaulting Iscool, a person that only espoused Christian beliefs, and was rumored to be far more morally superior.
And finally, the person that spewed more drivel with ten hours of mindless attacks on the Christian right, posted, “I hereby officially call to order the Free Republic Anally Retentive ‘Holier Than Thou Prudes’ on Parade!” This is typical coming from a person that’s only happy when miserable, better known as the type of person that embodied the Leatherfaces of Free Republic, verbally hacking to pieces innocent victims in broad cyberlight for all to see.
Laura Bush, the First Lady of the United States, has now brought down a forum that no liberal could ever touch. Lawmakers and pundits across America took notice at the carnage.
“This is wonderful,” yelled Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “I’ve detested that site for years! Knowing that it’ll be gone will encourage me to continue to ramrod California for years to come!”
“I think it’s hilarious,” mocked Al Franken. “We’ve all known these people eat their own. And to do it over the First Lady is just the best gift a liberal could have!”
Even one of the United States greatest presidents, Bill Clinton, noted, “It’s great news! I hated that site when I was in my second term. And to think it won’t be around when Hillary runs in 2008. You’re the best Howlin. Thanks!”
Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY, known for not mincing words, said, “Boy, will this help during my upcoming campaign. I won’t have these fascists kicking me around anymore. Bye, bye, Free Republic! I’ll keep you in my thoughts.”
In an address to Freepers everywhere, MoveOn.org commented, “Free Republic, known as the premier conservative forum, has become what it despises the most: The Democratic Party. In their Texas Chain Saw Massacre of the Christian right, they have left a pile of bodies and joined the likes of liberals everywhere with their unabashed hatred. They have sadly departed logic and resorted to kindergarten antics and insults, forever stomping out conservatism on the forum. We’re thrilled!”
LOL!
I normally read all the comments on threads that I post, but I gave up after about comment# 200. A couple of hours later there were about 700. I tried to link Counterjab to check those alleged comments by the Clintons and Feinstein, but I can't link to it. What gives?
I did go back and read it after someone clued me in. You know, this is the second time you have fooled me with this satire. Best Regards, BJN
That's hilarious, kingattax. I love the joke.
Glad you got to Texas, SB.
lol..SB liked it too
It's a satirical parody. I linked to Counterjab because there is no such entity and would not libel any website.
Well, sorry I fooled you, but the next time you won't get fooled. :)
Here's the link to the one I found which hadn't been pulled. Your thread was pulled by Jim Robinson. This is the only one I found myself.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1395714/posts
Are you sure? Thanks for the vote of confidence.
"The only fraud here was the lack of any grain of moral fiber whatsoever from ohioWfan."
I appreciate your astute observations...LOL
Great satire, as usual, thanks!
I'm positive you won't get fooled again.
Glad you enjoyed it, PC2. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
You've been had. C'mon you know those libs would say those things, just nobody asked.
Hm, so you disagree with Rush? :-)
I got pinged to some of the threads but
I stayed away for the most part, too.
I get it too. I just hope those who have been earning their "thank yous" from the left will get it.
That's it. I'm tired of being beat on because I'm a freeper. I'm going shopping.....for new pajamas!!!
I didn't know you were über-elderly. I see from one of the replies to you that because you're 72, that automatically means you're demented and have an oral fixation.
Allow me to share with you some of the other things I've learned about your condition, and your silly notion that you have a right to continue living until you die, without being murdered.
I've recently been told that the idea of inherent worth is only good until the bills come due. I've also been told that no money should be spent by anyone (govt, your insurer, or even you) to keep you (the über-elderly) alive once you become ill. Five cents a pill for antibiotics would be too much to spend on the über-elderly and disabled. Food, water and antibiotics must be rationed here so they can be sent over seas. Anyone who says otherwise is *insane*.
Those opinions don't much matter, coming from strangers over the Internet. Do you know where your doctor and your family stand on this issue?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.