Who left the dimensional door open? - Thread 027

OnlineNews ^ | 01/29/2002 | Unknown

[acnielsen guy]

THREAD 027

Dregs and Flakes

Posts since 1/29/02 29,073

[grannie9]

I'll probably catch hell for posting this size..;(

This morning..

[grannie9]

[Kathleen]

Gorgeous morning you're having there, Gran. The water is beautiful.

Looks like you'll have some new neighbors soon? I'm packing up the house now...lol. ;-)

[lodwick]

Good morning DD friends.

Garn, I've already tiefed one pic today. ;-)

[grannie9]

I'm packing up the house now...lol. ;-)

Ohhhh.. wouldn't that be fun? Just think of the trouble we could get into? Just starting Potato Salad and Turkey Soup.. Looks like it's going to be cool and windy tomorrow, so probably no boating.. Grrrrrrrrrr....

[grannie9]

Will you knock it off Loddy? You're going to make me look weak.. ;)

[lodwick]

MORE DARWIN AWARDS

They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's
an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last
year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled
over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the
nominees are:

9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.

8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died
of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white
saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a
schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that
had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family very awkward.

7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the
police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between
two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one
of the sanders, electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified
for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention
had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently
beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct
buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end
to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition: lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the
lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up
to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

1. (***) Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,
Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the
machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the
crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them
solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the
height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the
other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the
housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the
pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

(***) This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it.

[habs4ever]

Good morning all you Yanqiis!

May your tables be overflowing with grog and vittles, and the blessings of the holiday season be upon you.Break out the sweatpants and chow down!We need tio hear all about the preparations for tomorrow's big adventures, so don't be shy, except Garn, we don't need to hear how you make a sandwich, ok?? ;-)

[habs4ever]

I think Saddam likes roasted goat, don't you?

[habs4ever]

Cool and windy in Cape Coral? Ohhhhhhh, you mean, it's going to drop down to 68 and the canal will be a veritable tidal wave? How do you survive such hardship???

bwah, bwah, bwah.....

[lodwick]

Freeper carlo3b has some killer receipes here if anyone's still looking for goodies

[Neets]

Ok..if you sinsist...here goes..

Tonite, I will be making Chocolate Pecan Pie...Old Fashioned Chocolate Cream Pie, ....and Pumpkin Nut Roll (Pumpkin/Walnut Cake filled with creamcheese, butter and 10X sugar then rolled Jelly Roll fashion and chilled).

Tomorrow dinner menu will be Shrimp Cocktail, Fruit Cocktail, Turkey, Sausage stuffing, mashed and sweet taters, sweet baby peas, green beans, carmelized and creamed onions.

Coffee/wine/Cider...

Now all I need to hire a dishwasher for after the festivities.

[habs4ever]

Wow! What a feast! The Pilgrims would be rolling in their graves! Is the Bitty Bit coming, or are you posting from deepest, darkest PA?

[habs4ever]

I have the best, and easiest sauce for green beans you've ever had.Put a chunk of butter, with some lemon juice and minced rosemary and a bit of mashed garlic, into a bowl in the microwave, nuke, then douse your cooked beans.It's heaven :-)

[Neets]

Sounds delish...anyother recommended spice 'cept rosemary??

You gotz mail BTW...regular and Freep.

[habs4ever]

nah, rosemary it is.That's what gives the sauce its "kick".You can try tarragon, as well, and pour it over boiled new potatoes.Rosemary and green bean make a very good combination.I thought Eye-Ties knew this stuff?

[Neets]

Well, Eye don't like Rosemary.

[Sundog]

Thanks Grannie,

Here is what I tried to show you yesterday, but the picture dried up at the server shortly after I posted it.

May in Scotland

Click on the upper right panorama and it is gorgeous.

Cheers.

[Kathleen]

Ohhhh.. wouldn't that be fun? Just think of the trouble we could get into?

I have a feeling that we might need bail money...lol. ;-)

[lodwick]

I'm having a ball pimping canal living - what a gorgeous day you guys are enjoying. *sigh*