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Federal Judge Orders Sydney Sweeney To Gain 100 Pounds And Get One Of Those Butch Haircuts
Babylon Bee ^ | 7-29-25 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/29/2025 2:51:33 PM PDT by dynachrome

Clothing retailer American Eagle's new advertising campaign hit an unexpected obstacle today, as a federal judge ordered actress and new brand spokeswoman Sydney Sweeney to gain 100 pounds and get an ugly butch haircut.

Judge Eileen Bauer, an Obama appointee to a D.C.-area district court, issued an emergency ruling that Sweeney's attractiveness violated the law and demanded that she pack on weight to become as visually unappealing to consumers as possible.

"This type of brazen attractiveness cannot be allowed to stand," Bauer said in her ruling. "It is the responsibility of the court to hold corporations to a specific legal standard, which, in this case, means American Eagle is prohibited from featuring a thin, blonde, white woman in its advertisements. It is hereby the opinion of the court that Ms. Sweeney put on a minimum of 100 pounds right this minute and cut her hair or face disciplinary action."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; eileenbauer; jeans; judgewatch; obamastooge; satire; sweeney; sydneysweeney
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To: JZelle

Yes


41 posted on 07/29/2025 5:13:04 PM PDT by Old West Conservative
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To: Old West Conservative

Thought so. Lol


42 posted on 07/29/2025 5:29:11 PM PDT by JZelle
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To: dynachrome

I just posted an article on FR about Sydney Sweeney’s physical transformation to act as boxing legend Christy Martin for biopic set to premiere this fall. Looks interesting!


43 posted on 07/29/2025 5:53:42 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege ( )
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To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; BraveMan; cardinal4; ...
Babylon Bee.

44 posted on 07/29/2025 6:59:49 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (The moron troll Ted Holden believes that humans originated on Ganymede.)
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To: PGR88

Dance to move you Dance to move others Dance to move us....

cause when you dance tremors ensue


45 posted on 07/29/2025 7:08:26 PM PDT by xp38
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To: dynachrome

It’s obvious. Her initials are SS.


46 posted on 07/29/2025 9:36:04 PM PDT by TBP (Decent people cannot fathom the amoral cruelty of the Democrat cult.)
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To: fieldmarshaldj

:-p


47 posted on 07/29/2025 10:45:31 PM PDT by Impy ("We didn't steal the election, we swear!!!" - Sincerely, The Election Thieves )
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To: dynachrome

Furthermore, the judge ordered her to start wearing Muslim female headgear from now on too, everywhere she goes.


     

48 posted on 07/29/2025 10:56:06 PM PDT by Songcraft
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To: xp38

I wonder how many dangerous tsunamis she has caused???


49 posted on 07/30/2025 6:48:50 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp)
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