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Biden Promises Next Trump Assassin Will Be A Woman Of Color
Babylon Bee ^
| 19 September 2024
| BabylonBee.com
Posted on 09/19/2024 3:51:21 PM PDT by COBOL2Java
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unprecedented win for diversity, President Biden pledged to the American people that the next assassin of Donald Trump would be a woman of color. "I will appoint the first black woman to assassinate Trump," Biden said. "It's long overdue."
The surprise announcement has stirred speculation that Biden would be ordering Kamala Harris to finish what the previous two shooters had started. However, with her busy on the campaign trail, sources tell us he's shown interest in one of those Haitians he's been hearing so much about.
In an exclusive sit-down interview with Al Sharpton on MSNBC, Biden said, "It's long past time. We should have assassins that reflect the nation — a black nation. Blacks are great killers. No, I'm serious! Have you ever been to South Central? Corn Pop was a bad dude, a killer! And I want someone like that on our team. But, you know, a woman."
"Black women are just as smart and capable as Lee Harvey Oswald," he added.
When asked what he would do if no women of color wanted to kill Trump, Biden simply stated, "If you don't want Trump dead, you ain't black!"
Later, while visiting his favorite ice cream shop, Biden suddenly told the clerk, "By the way, I'm proud to be — as I said — the first vice president, the first black woman to serve as the head of the deep state because together we can — Look, there's nothing we can do because this is the United States of America and therefore the next killer's gotta' be black."
At publishing time, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre had been seen suiting up in full-body kevlar.
TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire
To: COBOL2Java
2
posted on
09/19/2024 3:53:16 PM PDT
by
Mark
(DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
To: COBOL2Java
If the Dems win the White House, this type of humor will be prosecuted.
To: COBOL2Java
The Bee fell down on this one. It should be a trans woman of color identifying as LBGQXYZ++
4
posted on
09/19/2024 3:55:07 PM PDT
by
asinclair
(It's too bad there will never be a RICO indictment of the DNC.)
To: COBOL2Java
Fore was way ahead of curve. His two assassination attempts, Squeaky Fromme and Sara Jane Moore were women, though not of color. Reagan was retrograde, going back to young white males.
5
posted on
09/19/2024 3:57:16 PM PDT
by
Dr. Sivana
("Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye." (John 2:5))
To: COBOL2Java
No, it will be a drone and they will blame Iran/Russia/MAGA, take your pick.
6
posted on
09/19/2024 3:57:56 PM PDT
by
JonPreston
( ✌ ☮️ )
To: asinclair
7
posted on
09/19/2024 3:59:02 PM PDT
by
PGalt
(Past Peak Civilization?)
To: asinclair
The Bee fell down on this one. It should be a trans woman of color identifying as LBGQXYZ
One barrier at a time. This is EXACTLY what he promised in his VP, and THAT worked out so well, he figured he’d try it again. Hell, the assassin might even BE Harris.
8
posted on
09/19/2024 3:59:42 PM PDT
by
Dr. Sivana
("Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye." (John 2:5))
To: COBOL2Java
What you talki’n-about Willis!
9
posted on
09/19/2024 4:01:04 PM PDT
by
Mark
(DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
To: COBOL2Java
Looks like the Secret Service has another investigation to take care of, after Musk.
10
posted on
09/19/2024 4:01:16 PM PDT
by
odawg
To: asinclair
11
posted on
09/19/2024 4:35:07 PM PDT
by
cableguymn
(They don't want peace they want skeletons )
To: COBOL2Java
12
posted on
09/19/2024 4:40:07 PM PDT
by
SkyDancer
( ~ Am Yisrael Chai ~)
To: COBOL2Java
I knew it was satire as soon as I read “her busy on the campaign trail”
13
posted on
09/19/2024 4:53:54 PM PDT
by
Pontiac
(esse welfare state must fail because it is contrary to human nature and diminishes the human spirit.)
To: COBOL2Java
14
posted on
09/19/2024 7:14:04 PM PDT
by
gundog
(It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. )
To: COBOL2Java
*laughing inappropriately at the headline*
It’s funny because you can see the truth in it.
To: COBOL2Java
The Giggling Gunslinger |
To: Songcraft
AND... here's a bunny with a pancake on it's head.
17
posted on
09/20/2024 9:02:19 AM PDT
by
UCANSEE2
To: asinclair
The Bee fell down on this one. It should be a trans woman of color identifying as LBGQXYZ++
That's the next one lined up if this one fails.
18
posted on
09/20/2024 9:09:42 AM PDT
by
klgator
To: COBOL2Java
At this point, its Jill doing the promising. Joe thinks he’s still on the beach.
19
posted on
09/23/2024 9:07:49 AM PDT
by
Opinionated Blowhard
(When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.)
To: Opinionated Blowhard
"Don't forget, Mommie! We promised the next assassin will be a woman of color!"
Dr. Jill: "Yes, Joe, we're working on that! Eat your pudding cup!"
20
posted on
09/23/2024 10:00:17 AM PDT
by
COBOL2Java
(The country bounces along like Custer on the way to Little Big Horn, thanks to Dear Leader)
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