The 20 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

rolling stone ^ | DAVID BROWNE & JON DOLAN & BRENNA EHRLICH & MARIA FONTOURA & JOE GROSS & KORY GROW & ANGIE MARTOCCIO

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

It’a that time of year again — that very special season when you can’t walk into a grocery store without getting ambushed by “Jingle Bell Rock” or dive-bombed by Paul McCartney wishing you a “Wonderful Christmastime.” Every artist who ever sells more than two records eventually tries a Christmas tune. The amount of great Christmas music out there is staggering. But along with all that Yuletide goodness comes plenty of Yuletide dreck.

Our list of the worst Christmas songs includes psychotic butcherings of beloved classics, horrific attempts at new standards, hideous novelty tunes, and more. At the family Christmas party in hell, this is what’s on shuffle. All that’s missing is your blowhard uncle up n your face yelling about how Biden stole the election. Happy Holidays!

[Artemis Webb]

Christmas Shoes.
That’s a song played in Hell.

[clearcarbon]

"Well, glad they included “The Christmas Shoes”, because nothing brings joy to the holidays like lingering death."

It's a song about a struggling mom and pop shoe store where mom and junior are running a scam selling unfashionable shoes to random suckers pulled off the street in advance of an expected visit by a protection racket collector named Jesus.

[Exit148]

Thanks a bunch for using the title —Jingle Bell Rock!!! It drives me crazy and I can never get it out of my head!!!!!!!

[BradyLS]

As a kid, I never liked listening to The Little Drummer Boy because it was such a downer. But as an adult there are some versions I can appreciate as thoughtful reminders of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

[Exit148]

How about the 2 best? Silent Night and O Holy Night?

[Fai Mao]

“That is horrendous and it is almost six minutes long!”

I agree. And I normally really like Stonehill’s stuff

[MS.BEHAVIN]

I lasted 40 seconds..
Then I shut my hearing aids off!

[IrishBrigade]

‘You have to work pretty hard to come in fourth place way behind myrrh as a gift for Jesus, but somehow that drummer did it.’

just what every mother who’s just given birth wants to see; some kid banging on a drum right next to her...

[IrishBrigade]

‘Any such list which does not include Burl Ives singing Holly, Jolly Christmas...’

why, why, why did you have to bring that turkey up...? I mentioned it to my wife, and she won’t stop singing it...

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

Stopped by local restaurant to grab lunch. So far:

Do they know it’s Christmas Time - Band Aid
Wonderful Christmas Time – Paul McCartney
All I want for Christmas – Mariah Carey
Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

Add Happy Christmas (war is over) John Lennon

[Rocky]

Yeah, sorry about that. It needed to be said, despite the collateral damage in your case.

[Billthedrill]

Exactly. LDB is high on my list of Christmas horror. I mean, there she is, Mary, a newborn in her arms, finally gets him to sleep and lays him down in a manger and up comes...yeah, a kid with a drum. RATATATATATATT! Good move, kid.

I also loathe Jingle Bell Rock in all its forms and manifestations. It isn't even a rock beat, it's a swing beat. Lennon's execrable swill shouldn't even be acknowledged in a 20 worst list and McCartney's shouldn't either. It's humbug, humbug I tellya! Are there no workhouses?

[Fresh Wind]

O Holy Night is the best Christmas song ever. No other comes even close.

[JoeRender]

Rolling stone is a crap magazine they hate people like us. Why are we linking this crap on Free-Republic?

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

So we can entertain ourselves kicking the sht out of them and come up with our own Freeper list.

155+ responses.

Everyone had a good time with it.

[JoeRender]

155+ like to spend precious time talking about garbage then.

[Sparticus]

Did you know that O Holy Night wasn’t even written by a believer? The author, Placide Cappeau, was a French socialist who was asked to write a Christmas poem by the local parish priest. A couple of years later it was set to music to celebrate a new pipe organ. If you listen to the 3rd verse, a bit of the author’s political sentiment comes through with the breaking chains and slaves as brothers parts.

I agree though, it’s one of the best Christmas songs ever.

[Some Fat Guy in L.A.]

Any version of “12 Days of Christmas” except for the novelty versions (like Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck version) and Relient K’s version, which they execute in a merciful 3 minutes or so, including extra lyrics.

I’ve been working on a new one - Democrat 12 Days of Christmas”. So far I have:

12 illegals voting
11 women losing (to men in sports)
10 athletes dying (from clot shot)
9 dollar bacon
8 cities burning
7 smash-and-grabs
6 networks lying
5 dollar gas
4 grams of fentanyl
3 Chinese viruses
2 tent cities by your school.....
And a retard in the White House

I’m sure Freeper Nation can improve on this....

[WeaslesRippedMyFlesh]

naa - that’s pretty good.

thanks for the laugh.