Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 9,581-9,6009,601-9,6209,621-9,640 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Tomorrow, Spanish church conference.
Sunday afternoon, Spanish choir, but Asuncion is leading.
Monday, swim practice in the morning, swim meet in Fort Mill, SC, a long drive, in the evening. (That reminds me I need to find a babysitter for Kathleen. Ah, Bill will be home.) We might get to the gym in there somewhere.
Tuesday, Weight Watchers in the morning. Swim practice in the evening.
Wednesday, swim practice in morning. Stewardship Commission Church Library Cleaning and Organization from noon to 4:00.
Thursday, swim practice in the morning. Won’t be a meet unless the Monday one is cancelled.
Friday, swim practice in the morning. Will get to gym.
Saturday, zoo.

Patrick says hi. He was a success at Den Chiefery this week, with some reminders about being proactively helpful to the younger boys, rather than waiting to be told.


9,601 posted on 06/17/2016 3:53:35 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9598 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I just forwarded a picture one of our other leaders took.


9,602 posted on 06/17/2016 3:55:56 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9601 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Good job! I knew it was there, but I had to put Kathleen to bed. She was going bonkers with exhaustion.


9,603 posted on 06/17/2016 3:56:56 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9600 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Hope she sleeps well from that condition, I know I don’t.


9,604 posted on 06/17/2016 4:12:41 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9603 | View Replies]

To: moose07

She’s 4. Once she stops, she’ll be down for a long time.


9,605 posted on 06/17/2016 4:13:44 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9604 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

And she is.


9,606 posted on 06/17/2016 4:27:41 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9605 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
"And she is."

There'll be more to see, after just a little rest.

9,607 posted on 06/17/2016 4:51:48 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9606 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
Down for a long time...


9,608 posted on 06/17/2016 7:43:48 PM PDT by null and void (Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-c-c-crook! Crook! Yeah, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9605 | View Replies]

To: moose07
Danger! Danger! Danger Will Robinson..

You do know that that elitest of the elite scientific rags, Scientific American has determined that if England frees itself from the European Bunion that some kind of dire climate thing will engulf the world don't you?

I mean you guys over there need to think of the GLOWBull economy and all those melting glaciers and dying polar bears and stuff before you dare to vote to chart your own course (again)..

I mean, it's the truth. It's all right HERE!!!

9,609 posted on 06/17/2016 8:37:56 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9608 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz
If the timely warning hadn't come from your good self I would never have taken this dire situation seriously.
This is a Hugh and Series Climatic Settled Science event that could be unleashed by the power of the Ballot box.
Wow, Who'd a thunk it!
Fluffy Kittens could be endangered...oh noes!
I must urgently go and compose a letter to my local MP.

ROFLOL *Gasp*.

9,610 posted on 06/17/2016 9:24:26 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9609 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

9,611 posted on 06/18/2016 2:05:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9606 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

9,612 posted on 06/18/2016 2:06:56 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9611 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
Good morning or elevenses in Zulu zone.

Techies @orbitsRus.gov

We operate in a higher plane.

9,613 posted on 06/18/2016 3:27:55 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9611 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

Whoops forgot my pings.

I’m must be really out there. Need coffee


9,614 posted on 06/18/2016 3:31:44 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9613 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Yes! W00t!

The drive across TX from east to west or west to east, is 8 hours. The drive across TX from north to south or south to north, is 8 hours. Yes. That. Big country. It is five hours from here to Phoenix, or to my home town in UT.

There aren’t enough roads in Alaska to tell you how long it would take to traverse the state in any directions, but even the bush pilots get tired of nothing but miles and miles of nothing.

My profound statement of the day. And that’s without coughie.


9,615 posted on 06/18/2016 4:40:38 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9600 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I got the pic of Pat. Is he as gangly and clumsy as he looks now? Or is he the graceful one of the boys. Oh wait. The Blond Prince has that attribute.

I’m worn out just reading your schedule, but there was a time when I had more than enough things to keep me running all day, too.

No more. I get worn out just getting up in the mornings.


9,616 posted on 06/18/2016 4:43:34 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9601 | View Replies]

To: null and void

Poor fluffy!


9,617 posted on 06/18/2016 4:44:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9608 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Ahh...kittehs to start the morning!

In other news, the story of the clothing for my neighbor who didn’t want his “name out ‘there’” is stranger and stranger. The company took the money out and charged for S&H, which they promise in their advertising not to do if your order is over $50. Since this order was $254+, I figured they wouldn’t charge the S&H but they did.

After the initial email confirming the order contents and amounts, I heard nothing. So I called yesterday and was told the order had gone out on the 16th.

Imagine my surprise when I checked my account this morning and found they had refunded the entire amount EXCEPT the S&H! I don’t think I like that company! Now I’ll have to wait it out to see if they will change their minds about it. I would hate to write a check to the guy only to have them try to take the money back.

It’s finally getting light outside, but I’ve been awake since around 0300. I finally gave up on trying to sleep around 0330, and here I am. Tired. And the entire day ahead of me.


9,618 posted on 06/18/2016 4:54:51 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9611 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; All

Happy Caturday everyone

Still here. Stuck in a morass of depression like I haven’t been stuck in for at least a decade. I’m just in bed can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t cry. I wish I could stop existing sometimes, but that isn’t an option,

I wish I had a kitteh. That would cheer me.

Anyway, it should lift. I hate summer. I’ll be fine once the weather gets cooler.


9,619 posted on 06/18/2016 4:59:38 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9612 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

Good morning! I thought I was all alone here, for a while!

I know how bad depression can be and I know there is no quick cure. I try to surround myself with bright colors to help alleviate some of it darkness in my mind. Chronic illness brings a depression all its own as an unwanted side-effect.

I hope you’ll be feeling better soon! *hug*


9,620 posted on 06/18/2016 5:20:28 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9619 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 9,581-9,6009,601-9,6209,621-9,640 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson