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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

I’llaskhera and Howareya weren’t states at the time.


10,841 posted on 07/11/2016 11:29:49 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Yessir. I was in the former while it was still a territory!


10,842 posted on 07/11/2016 11:36:57 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: Monkey Face

Bonus question:

Did the USA ever a fourty nine
star flag?


10,843 posted on 07/11/2016 11:44:54 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face; Tax-chick

correction:

Did the USA ever have a forty nine star flag?

What’s the history of the fifty star flag?


10,844 posted on 07/11/2016 11:52:34 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor
Yes there was ever a 49 star flag. But not for long.


10,845 posted on 07/11/2016 12:07:02 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Correct.

It was an exciting time when Alaska was admitted. Schools had design competitions and various designs were published. Some were rather strange and many were whimsical.

THE 50-STAR AMERICAN FLAG

The story of the fifty-star flag is an intriguing tidbit of American history. It begins with the impending statehood of Alaska and Hawaii. Between 1898-1912 Alaska and Hawaii both became United States territories. In 1916 the first official statehood bill for Alaska came before Congress, and three years later the bill for Hawaii followed. Statehood legislation was brought up year after year for both territories, but by 1958 it seemed only Alaska would gain statehood.

Flag makers began designing forty-nine star flags anticipating the addition of a new state. Meanwhile, seventeen-year-old Bob Heft decided to create a fifty-star flag for his high school history project. Wise beyond his years, Heft already had an ongoing interest in flags and politics. He concluded that Pres. Eisenhower, who was a Republican, would want to add Hawaii shortly after the addition of Alaska, since Hawaii was predominantly Republican and Alaska Democratic.

Heft used his mother’s sewing machine and a hot iron to add a new blue canton and 100 hand-cut stars (50 for each side) to the field of an old forty-eight star flag. With a yardstick he was able to place the stars in a proportional pattern. After 12 grueling hours, his flag was sewn and pressed. Heft handed the project in to his history teacher, Stanly Pratt. Pratt first asked Heft where he got his crystal ball, referring to Heft’s presumption that Alaska and Hawaii would both be added to the Union. He then commented that if the design was accepted by Congress, he’d change the grade from a B minus to an A. Heft was up for the challenge. He first sent his flag to Ohio’s governor, and then gave it to Congressman Walter Henry Moeller. Heft asked Moeller to store the flag until there was a need for a fifty-star flag.

In January of 1959, Alaska was admitted into the Union. July 4 of that year, the forty-nine-star flag became official, but it was short lived. By the end of August, Eisenhower signed a proclamation adding Hawaii to the Union, as Heft had predicted. Congressman Moeller brought Heft’s flag to the design committee, where Eisenhower himself selected the flag to become the national emblem. On July, 4 1960, Heft and Eisenhower stood together in Washington to watch the first fifty-star flag be raised.

Since then Heft’s flag has been all over the world, flying over American embassies, state capitol buildings and the White House. Turning down a $500,000 offer from a museum, Heft decided to keep his flag, no longer putting it on display.

In 2003 The Ohio Historical Society placed a Historical Marker in front of Heft’s high school. The marker says:

“The design for the fifty star flag was born here at Lancaster High School in 1958 when student Robert Heft designed it for a history class project... Heft constructed a fifty star flag from an old 48-star flag using blue cloth to replace the field and white adhesive for the stars... President Dwight D. Eisenhower made the design the official American flag in 1960. It is the only flag in American history to have flown over the White House for more than five administrations.”

On July 4, 2007, the fifty-star flag will become America’s longest serving flag.


10,846 posted on 07/11/2016 12:19:16 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick

Wow, does hearing deteriorate more quickly than vision does? Otherwise, things here are just fine, thank you! God Bless!


10,847 posted on 07/11/2016 12:21:54 PM PDT by Silentgypsy
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To: Silentgypsy; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; NicknamedBob; Monkey Face; moose07; Mrs. Don-o

https://secure.persecution.com/p-5810-i-am-n-t-shirt-black-xl.aspx

I’m wearing my Voice of the Martyrs “I am N” t-shirt today (see link, mine is brown). A couple stopped me in the produce section of Walmart and said they are Christians from Mosul, Iraq, and they were glad to see public awareness of their community.

The man said, “Christians are the civilization of Iraq. The Moslems have no civilization, only blood.” They also said (concurring with VOM’s reports) that the violence is inspiring conversions from Islam to Christianity.


10,848 posted on 07/11/2016 1:03:57 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~Johnny Cash)
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Before you shake the container of Liquid Fence to mix the stuff that has settled to the bottom, be sure to check that the cap is tightened.

Presented as a public service.. ;-)


10,849 posted on 07/11/2016 1:55:21 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Is it fox pee?


10,850 posted on 07/11/2016 2:06:29 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
Given the size of your automotive armada and their crews, you might find the INNOVA 3721 Battery and Charging System Monitor very useful to quickly assess battery and charging system. It's a simple plug into 12VDC accessory outlet and provides lighted easy to view info.

Walmart has them at $9.98, cheap insurance to head off auto battery or alternator problems before they become expensive problems.

I use them, keep one in the glove box at all times...strongly endorse them.

10,851 posted on 07/11/2016 2:32:31 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor
Nice.

This little 12 dollar box and a free smartphone app gives you full OBD2 diagnostic capability.


10,852 posted on 07/11/2016 2:39:10 PM PDT by nascarnation
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To: Covenantor; nascarnation; Tax-chick

I keep track of the battery date of purchase. I’ve lived in the desert too long not to, simply because the desert kills them in 2-3 years, and usually, without sufficient warning to get to the store for a new one.

Been there. Don’t wanna do it again.

Thank you both, Gentlemen, for your help. I will keep both gadgets in mind and when I have an extra $20, I will get one.


10,853 posted on 07/11/2016 2:50:34 PM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: nascarnation; Covenantor

Thanks for the suggestions! Wouldn’t have helped Bill the Son, but not a bad idea.


10,854 posted on 07/11/2016 2:55:57 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~Johnny Cash)
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To: nascarnation

Finally, an affordable OBD2 code reader.

Thanks for the tip on the Elm 327.

Five friends picked up the Innova Battery monitor, all are happy, and one elderly woman able to avoid a full alternator replacement she didn’t need.


10,855 posted on 07/11/2016 2:56:32 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: nascarnation

Checked Amazon.... guess it’ s been far longer than I thought since checking prices of the device readers. Then again, everything has been running smoothly... for now.

;>)


10,856 posted on 07/11/2016 3:15:08 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Nope.

Putrescent egg solids and garlic..


10,857 posted on 07/11/2016 3:25:07 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Covenantor

I use a phone app called Dash Command.
Seems to do the job, but there are a bunch of similar ones.

Also FWIW O’Reilly Auto Parts can read ABS codes, and Autozone doesn’t. Not sure if it’s just local or everywhere.
They helped me identify a bad ground point on my 99 truck that was displaying the ABS light, a free repair.


10,858 posted on 07/11/2016 3:25:58 PM PDT by nascarnation
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To: nascarnation

Well, thanks again for the good advice and info. Something to be added to my toolkit.


10,859 posted on 07/11/2016 3:33:05 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick
sounds like an item on a Vietnamese menu, thankfully unreadable to occidentals.

Oops, I excercised my occidental privilge.

Somewhere, in a dorm room, some ubersensitive sjw is zipping up the "safe space" flap.


10,860 posted on 07/11/2016 3:40:20 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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