ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Yes, that is very true. However, my sister was living there when Alaska became a state, and she and three of her kids get the oil royalties. I could use summathat!

[Tax-chick]

I have to pick Sally, Vlad, and Pat up at church at 12:00. I need to go to Walmart, too, but may do it after Naptime. Jake was out all night and is very interested in Naptime.

[Monkey Face]

I won’t be going to Wally’s for a while. But tomorrow, I’m going in to Vegas. Ungh.

Happy napping!

[Tax-chick]

I hope so!

[moose07]

“I have turned the now running car over Bill, the legally blond Southern belle. “

LoL,
Was that wise? Has it survived....the Car I mean.

[Slings and Arrows]

Who dares, wins.

[moose07]

Oh, that one just couldn’t be ignored.
How’s tricks SG?

[Tax-chick]

True ... she might curl up in your hand and fall asleep, and that’s so adorable.

[Tax-chick]

Unconscious wish fulfilment.

[moose07]

Kitty Patrol:

[moose07]

That’s good.

[ArGee]

Or BREXIT?

[ArGee]

Or BREXIT?

[ArGee]

I went to Fairbanks AK once.

[ArGee]

Happy 7/11 everyone. If you’re in the neighborhood, don’t forget to pick up your free Slurpee(tm).

[Tax-chick]

I could, right up by the Walmart, but Slurpees (tm) do not make one thin.

[Slings and Arrows]

I’m pretty sure I can hold my own in a fight against a newborn kitten. ;)

[Slings and Arrows]

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[NoCmpromiz]

He’s testing a new password.. ;-)

[Monkey Face]

I’ve never had one of those. :o|