Posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.
About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.
Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.
I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.
Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.
She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.
Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.
Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.
She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.
She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.
I can’t tell you how happy I am for you! Be happy that you escaped a life of hell.
Friend Laz,
Start here:
http://www.drlaura.com
And continue here:
http://www.biblegateway.com/
Keep your pants on until you marry and don’t marry for at least a year. Objective reality is a wonderful thing and there’s no way to get an instant deep relationship; those who try are not healthy.
Prayers and hugs and candles being lighted.
HOWEVER, one thing I should tell you, sweetie ... a stepfather can make all the difference in a girl’s life.
My bio-dad admitted to cheating on my mother (because he got caught and was asked to resign from the law firm with which he was on the partner track) when she was seven months pregnant with my little sister.
She kicked him out and promptly went into premature labor, having my sister six weeks early. And then she caught the swine flu that was going around in 1973, and dealt with it with her parents’ help and none of our father’s.
She was set up with a guy later that year, he proposed to her that New Year’s Eve, and they got married in mid-1974. Our little brother came along about a year after that.
I have always referred to my biological father as my father, but my mother’s second husband is my dad. And at 40, I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a daddy’s girl.
That man made all the difference in the lives of me and my sister. He taught us what kind of man we deserve, not what we should settle for, and how to know the difference. All credit to him for being the kind of man to inspire me to wait for a man as good as the man I have now.
Pinging Bacon Man ‘cause he knows Wild Bill and can vouch for him being teh awesome.
Haven't you seen the movie Fargo?
Keep me on your ping list...
Drugs change people. It’s why I don’t believe drug use is a victimless crime.
That's very wise.
My condolences.
I’ve been down that same road, and it’s a hard lesson to learn.
I’m glad you’ve found the strength to break free, and I pray you will continue to stay clean.
I’ve found that the only way for me was to stay away from all those friends that shared that lifestyle.
It was lonely for a time, but I’m a better man for it.
Hang in there. God bless you and guide you.
I’m married now to my second wife. She has a heart as big
as Texas. I am lucky.
My first marriage was MY mistake. I should NEVER have
married her.
LOLOL!!
hehe! Those are funny! :^D
Sounds like you ain’t over her to me perhaps, so you oughta quit trying to fill the void in vane. Good things come to those that move on for themselves and find peace with themselves first. No woman, no matter how great and wonderful can fix it, and no woman that has her life grounded in reality and stability will want to fix it. No woman will want to hear and deal with your struggles and hardships regarding previous situations. All of this in my very own opinion of course, which can be wrong certainly.
Will do.
I’ll talk to the guy this weekend at the homeschool conference and tell him he already has a following for his e-book.
“On a more practical note, yes, change your locks.”
That is excellent advice. I would like to add that you should most definitely get ID Theft insurance. Check out Zander (link below). It is very cheap and you can sign up on line immediately.
http://www.zanderins.com/idtheft/idtheft.aspx
I need better discernment.
You already have it....if you were still blind with cocaine, you wouldn't have been able to see its destructiveness.
Move on...hang in there....thank heaven your eyes are now open where they weren't before.
That was my first thought as well. Of course I'm probable wrong but his post of late had this feeling about them.
Of course I ain't.
The rule of thumb is, it takes 1/2 as long as you dated, to be over it.
We dated / were engaged for 18 months. I have about 3 more months to go.
Thx.
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