The Official Weekend Singles Thread—July 28-30

OhioWfan, Kate of Spice Island, Maximus Ridiculousness

[Maximus_Ridiculousness]

A perspective on marriage, looking for a marriage partner, and cyberdating. 

Presented to you by OhioWfan, Kate of Spice Island, and Maximus Ridiculousness.

OhioWfan's Perspective on Making Marriage Work:

My 'assignment' for this special weekend singles thread was to outline what I believe are the ingredients of a long-term successful, loving marriage.  Obviously, in the 'it takes two to tango' spirit, I engaged my adorable life-partner/incredible husband in the task, and together we compiled a list of recommendations and qualities that we believe have made our marriage work so well.   Neither of us is perfect (especially me........he's close!), but we went into marriage with commitment and thought as well as love, and after 30 years we are more passionately in love than ever before, and are each other's deepest and most trusted friend.

 

We have grouped our thoughts in two categories.......considerations before marriage, and goals as part of marriage.   There is nothing new nor revolutionary here, but we believe these things together have worked to make our marriage incredibly close, and a lot of fun. They are generally applicable, with some specific illustrative examples of our own relationship. 

 

I.    Important things to consider prior to marriage

• Be picky.  Being single is FAR better than being married to the wrong person.  (Women, you are not 'incomplete' without a man......withstand the cultural pressure to get married early).  Wait for the right one, and don't go into marriage with the idea that you can 'fix' the other person.  It doesn't work out that way.

• My personal best advice: Marry somebody much nicer than yourself.  It worked for me. :)

• Become best friends.   Friendship is the most important part of marriage.  Feelings ebb and flow, and circumstances change, but if your spouse is your closest friend, you can weather anything.

• Talk all the time about everything:  Goals, values, beliefs, dreams, raising children and the values and beliefs you want to teach them, money, sex, interests, (politics!).  Make sure you know exactly who you are marrying, and remember that you are going to be sharing a lifetime together so you need to get along.

• Restrain your physical relationship to ensure that a REAL relationship develops. (The current advice is wrong!  You don't need any physical relationship before marriage to find out if it's 'going to work.'  In fact, we believe it 'works' better if you don't).  A great deal of the complete trust that we have in each other stems from the fact that we, with great difficulty, disciplined ourselves to stay pure before we were married.  For us it has made a big difference.

II.    In Marriage

• Communication.  Keep talking about anything and everything, good and bad, but do it with respect ALWAYS.   When you are upset, saying 'It seems to me' and 'It feels like you...'  shows far more respect and calms the waters better than saying 'You do this.'   Keep sharing your goals and dreams and help each other to achieve them.

• Honesty.  (None of this sneaky hinting around to get your own way, ladies).  Tell the truth right out front.  It's refreshing, and it leads to a healthy, non-manipulative relationship.  Don't make your spouse 'guess' about how you feel, and never 'assume' that he/she already knows it. 

• Trust.  It has to be built.   Having shared values is the beginning of trust; living up to those values makes it grow.

• Common values.  Nurture the ones you have discussed prior to marriage. 

 

• Common spiritual goals.  Go to church/synagogue together regularly.  Discuss your faith as it grows.   Read together and discuss what God's word says.   We have, from the beginning, sought to have a marriage that is God-centered, and believe that the depth and joy in our relationship are directly related to God's blessing on our lives.  We both came from strong Christian homes, and knew that it was our goal to have a Christ-centered family, and have worked and prayed to that end.

• A sense of humor.   Laugh often.  Don't take most things too seriously, and be able to laugh at your own foibles.  We happen to have a quirky family with some really off-beat people in it (not me, of course).  That's part of our family identity, and we're proud of it.  We know that other people may think we're a bit weird, but we're OK with that........because we ARE. :)   Oh..........but watch the sarcasm.   If uncontrolled, it can cut deep.

• Random acts of kindness.   I happen to be the recipient of many of these in our relationship.  My husband randomly brings home a lovely red rose with a card that just says "I love you."  It makes my heart melt.

• Encourage and compliment often.  Even if you've said the same thing a million times before, say it again...."You're cute" is a good one.  You can't help but feel loved if your spouse thinks you're adorable at the age of 56!

• Don't let minor irritations blow up into major issues.  Talk about them, but don't overplay their importance. Chances are that a few of them will still be there even after 30 years. :)   Toothpaste tube stuff just isn't worth being mad about.

• Apologize, apologize, apologize.   Sometimes you may think you're only partially to blame, but saying you're sorry for your part in a problem only helps in its solution.  (Note.......I do this a lot because I am often entirely to blame).

• Support each other's interests even if not your own passion.  We have a good example in our relationship.  I love Nelson Eddy/Jeanette MacDonald movies.   Mr. O thinks they're OK, but he watches one whenever I've got a hankering to.... just because he loves me.  And I will watch "Man from Snowy River" with him for the 137th time for the same reason.

• Nurture your relationship.  Protect it from jobs, kids, etc.  According to James Dobson, the best way to love your kids is to love their Mom.  He's right.  We always let our kids know that our relationship came first and they never had a problem with it.  Now that they're adults, they really respect the relationship that they observed growing up and have it as the goal for their own lives.

• Time alone.  Keep 'dating.'  Go off for romantic trysts together.  Set aside time for yourselves because it doesn't just appear.  And if you have kids, try not to talk about them the entire time you're away.  We have celebrated the anniversary of our first date many years, and this year (30th anniversary!) we went to the same restaurant in Pennsylvania that we went to on our first date.  Talk about romantic!

• Hold hands and kiss.........a lot!   This is most likely self-explanatory, but it may need to be said that holding hands is vastly underrated as a sensual tool to keep you 'in touch.'  Sit close in church.   Kiss each other at random moments.   Cuddle at the movies.  Hug whenever possible. It makes a difference.

• Say "I love you" every chance you get.  Make it the last thing you say every time you talk, and just say it 'out of the blue.'  It never gets old to know you are loved.

• Be sexual outside the bedroom (in private!).  No details needed here.  Keep the flame burning.

• Pray together.....any time, any place, any circumstances, and pray for each other.  Most of all, thank God for your husband or wife..........it is a great gift to have a life-partner with whom to share the good and bad times of life.  Be thankful.

• Give and keep giving.   The saying is that you need to give 50-50, but the truth is it has to be 100-100.  And the giving must be done without the expectation that you will 'get' something back for it.  Selflessness.  It's a tough one.

• Respect and honor the other more than you honor yourself.  This grows over time.  What begins as the desire for it to be so, soon becomes the reality.  And make it your goal to care about the other's wants and needs more than you care about your own.......in every area of your relationship.  It's not in our human nature, but it's the only way to make marriage successful and truly happy. 
• Do fun stuff together.  Sports, hiking, walking (a great time for that 'communication' thing), cycling, tennis, ping-pong, basketball, spelunking, white water rafting, wrestling...........hehe..........OR.........you can even read!  A zest for living, physical fitness, and the 'togetherness' you get having fun in an active way are unbeatable.

• And never, ever stop talking.

So............these are the things that we both believe have helped make our marriage strong.   The details may be different for others, but we believe the principles apply for every couple wanting to make their marriage really succeed.  Some people say a good marriage takes 'work,' but we both disagree.  We think that being married and trying to keep our marriage alive is great fun.  It's God's plan, and it's awesome to be right in the middle of it!

Kate and Phil's Story of Love and Marriage

Phil and I first met back in the teen years when I started working at a local drive-in movie theatre where he was employed. There was a "no dating coworkers" policy and we were both into following (some) rules and didn't want to get fired, so we were just friends instead.

 

Apparently, we were both interested in each other, but too shy/insecure/whatever...to say anything, but we became friends.

 

I remember going to his house and he to mine when we were still in high school, but he was older and went off to college. During a few of his weekend visits, we went on a few dates, but then I didn't see him again for a good four or five years.

 

By then I was married AND pregnant, but ran into Phil at work, so it was strange (for both of us apparently) in the wishful thinking at that time. From time to time, I would go by his work and say hi when we were in town. By the time my marriage was definitely over (but I still had hopes of it not being over) Phil had gotten married and although his marriage was heading for over...neither of us was willing to admit that we were

separated from our spouses and divorces were filed.

 

We each went about our lives and once he changed jobs, I had no clue where he was. (Prior to that, where I would visit was a place where I would also visit my bestest high school friend's father as he worked in another department.)

 

Meanwhile, he had been looking for and looking up former classmates and one in particular that I also happened to know. This mutual friend had lived away from where we are now and I had all but given up talking to him ever again, when on a whim I looked him up in the phone book (kind of a one last time deal, as I couldn't remember Phil's last name, I didn't look him up and even if I remembered, I probably could have never spelled it...)

 

So, lo and behold, our mutual friend was listed and had been for a few years and I gave him a call. Meanwhile, between classmates.com and a high school reunion, Phil and our mutual friend had been talking and e-mailing, and Phil asked him if he knew how to get in contact with me, and the friend gave Phil my e-mail address.

 

So, our real official long-term dating was cyber dating as Phil had moved to TX and I was in Phoenix. We went from the occasional e-mail to IM and phone calls and that evolved to a long distance romance.

 

I went to Texas and lived with Phil for a year, but knew my heart was with my children and family. Phil was adamant about staying in TX.

 

Every time Phil asked me to marry him, I asked if he would consider moving to Phoenix. He kept saying no, so I returned to Phoenix.

 

When I ran away to safety and Phil's care I knew he loved me and would take care of me. When he let me go and let me move back to Phoenix to be with my children, I knew he loved me enough to let me go and be where I belonged.

 

When he asked me if I would marry him if he moved to Phoenix, he got the answer I wanted to give him all along.

 

We have been married just over four months and are still working on getting into a life and a routine in Phoenix and still feel like we are trying to get settled in, but we have come a long way together and are looking forward to many years of happiness and joy with my children and grandchild(ren).

 

For how long we have been friends, and the things we liked about each other, are still there.

Getting used to habits has been hard (I am secretive in general and I also kept a few government secrets for a long time that I don't keep secret any more), but by nature I just have never been a "talker", so that is changing.

 

He likes reality TV, my reality is like the TV show, "Medium." We both like "24" and wouldn't want it any other way.

 

We both enjoy sports and look forward to the Cowboys VS Cardinals game later this fall.

 

We managed to attend the same three schools of higher education, just never were both at any one at the same time.

 

I think the biggest piece of advice we can offer the single crowd is don't put yourself above dating anyone with "baggage" as you have clearly got "emotional baggage" in the form of selfishness. I know that God didn't make selfishness, but He did make caring and compassion. A heart of gold is worth far more than a free lunch...

 

When a heart of gold is the heart within, you will find someone for you with that exact same quality.

 

Did I mention that Phil also is conservative and was busy advocating for Bush before we started to discuss politics? I just loved sending him links to caption Kerry two summers ago.

Barb's Two Cents on Being a Newlywed and Some Advice on Cyberdating

Ahhhh...the bliss of being newly married!  What joy!  The birds are singing.  The bees are buzzing.  The flowers are blooming...

Okay, for me our honeymoon was a little different from most.  Actually, our wedding was a little different from most.  You see, hubby and I eloped (with 40 of our closest friends and relatives) in Reno in 2003—four weeks before he was to deploy to Iraq.  We were already engaged, and had planned on a summer wedding, but one cold winter day, hubby got "the call", and three days later we found ourselves in Reno tying the knot.

Our honeymoon consisted of phone calls, emails, letters between here and Iraq—and lots of insomnia.  At first it was strange being married to a man who was suddenly 6500 miles away, and it was even stranger that I could talk to him only when he was able to call me (every two to three weeks or so).

And so it went.

Our "real" honeymoon came 18 months later.  We spent a week in Vegas (yeah, I know some folks find it a tacky place for a honeymoon, but hubby's never been, and I love the Luxor).  We gambled, saw some of the shows, gambled, ate at the various restaurants, gambled, walked the Fremont Street Experience, gambled, got SMASHED in Quark's Bar and harassed a poor Borg and Klingon at the Hilton where they have the Star Trek Experience (we almost got kicked out—but we snapped some hilarious photos), and we gambled some more.

All fun and games aside, our marriage (going on year four now) is a very solid one.  Hubby has a heart of gold, and I could not ask for a better man.  I would have to say that absence made our marriage grow stronger.  We still feel like newlyweds.  We are like “kids” with each other.  We are the two most happy-go-luckiest-people I know, on the planet. 

Some advice on cyberdating.

Back in the day, I was the Queen of Cyberdating.  I started meeting men online as far back as 1996.  Match.com was the ONLY online dating site (with something like, 200 local members).  It took a lot of chatting, meeting bozo after bozo, and dating horrible men who were nothing like their profiles before I realized I was doing everything wrong from the very beginning.  By the time I met my hubby in a Yahoo chatroom by total  accident (most of you know this story)  5 years later, I had finally learned some very big lessons. 

That said, here are some of my do’s and don’ts when it comes to cyberdating:

• Be honest about yourself in your profile, and post an accurate, recent picture of yourself.  By all means, SMILE.  If you don’t, you’ll look angry and unapproachable.   Trust me.  You’ll want a pic (or several pics) of yourself doing some favorite activity, and at least one nice head-and-shoulder shot.
• Be concise and to the point when writing your profile.  Be eloquent, and don’t ramble incessantly.  Poetry is big turn-off for a lot of people.  Unless you are a master, avoid poetry at all costs. You’ll put people to sleep.  List your preferences accurately and pick people to chat with who are close to what you’re looking for.  Don’t fall for an ultra-liberal America-hating chick…just because she’s really hot.
• Try and meet someone who lives within driving distance.  Unless you have the time and money to travel, stick to meeting your potential future spouse  within a reasonable distance from you.  Don’t fall in love with someone you can’t afford to fly out to meet.
• Don’t fall in love with the very first nice looking person (whom you know nothing about) who gives you the time of day.  Stick to your guns.  If you’re looking for your future spouse, keep in mind all of the qualities you are looking for in that person. Don’t ever lose focus.
• Sell yourself.  Tell your potential future spouse what a great person you are.  Don’t be negative or down about yourself.  Don’t appear pathetic.  Be yourself and put your best foot forward.  If you don’t appear to be a reasonably healthy, happy, positive person you’ll scare people away.   Trust me. 

GIRLS:  Meet your potential future spouse in a very public place.  For your very first date, only meet for coffee or drinks where you can chat for as long or as short as you are comfortable with.  It’s easier to split the scene quickly if you are just sipping something, and not in the middle of dinner or stuck with a loser date in the middle of a 3-hour flick.  NEVER leave your drink unattended.  Before you use the restroom, finish your drink, or order a new drink once you’re back to your table.  By all means, drive yourself to your destination, DO NOT EVER let your date pick you up on your first date.  Tell a friend, family member, someone—anyone—where you will be and when you should be home.  Take your cell phone with you.  Park in a visible area.

• This is probably the toughest part about meeting your future spouse—know exactly what you are looking for and settle for nothing less.  Do not fall in love with someone's potential, but for who they really are.   This was the one mistake I made over and over.  Don't ever meet someone and try and fix them later.  Also, be realistic.  Unless you’re a super hot daddy, don’t go looking for a super hot mama. 

 It took me years and years of dating the same type of loser with a different name, and one failed marriage to a closet alcoholic, before I finally ‘grew-up’ and decided I would not settle for anything less anymore. Period.  I literally sat down and made a list of all the attributes I had to have in a man.  In fact, what had happened was I learned the very long and hard way about everything I did not want in a guy  through my own personal trial-and-error. (Mostly error.)  It was only after this personal epiphany that I met my true-love.  And it didn't take long.

 

[iluvgeorgie]

Red as a lobster? Oww! Sounds like the water was a bit too hot.

[proud_yank]

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever figure women out. I want one who is outdoorsy, but not a rabid liberal. Unfortunately, the two often go together!!

I grew up in Iowa, and got used to the heat and humidity as well as one can. I always enjoyed winter, and went to school at Michigan Tech where we got lots of it! Now, I'm in Edmonton where it just gets really cold in the winters. Luckily, I've never had too much issue with it. Doing anything really exerting in hot weather I simply don't care for. If you don't mind me asking, what is it with the heat that bothers you?

My boa got to be about 5.5 feet, but I sold her to a friend before I moved. I should try to get a picture of her now, her markings were awesome and I imagine she is about 7' and filled out quite a bit. I don't know if I'll get another, I'd really like to get a dog sometime soon.

I'm going to head home, Have a great night

[pcottraux]

Yeah, I think the water was a bit too warm that night. But I still enjoyed it.

Okay, I really, really, REALLY hate to do this, but I'm going to have to sign out for the night. It's pretty late and I'm exhausted.

ilg, can I count on you dropping by a little more tomorrow? I know I speak for everyone when I say that we'd love to have you back, and by all means feel free to.

If there's anyone you want to get to know on this thread, it's Maximus_Ridiculousness. She the nicest person, maybe ever...DollyCali refers to her as the "sunshine of the thread." And the best part is, she'll put in a good word for me.

Okay, goodnight everyone! See you later!

[Maximus_Ridiculousness]

Ever?!?!?!?!! Awe shucks!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do with myself!

Gee, thanks Phil!

ILG, Phil's the nicest guy on Free Republic...ever! He's so much fun to talk to here!

Hope to see you both tomorrow! Time for me to hit the sack too.

Night!

[WFTR]

If you don't mind me asking, what is it with the heat that bothers you?

It was either the dizziness, the leg cramps, the chest pains, or some combination of the three. LOL It was probably just a bad day, but I don't know what happened. I've done other things in the heat since then that haven't been a problem, so I don't know what was wrong that day. I do know that it was the first time that I had to beach the boat and crawl out for a while to recover myself. I like to paddle alone, or more accurately, I don't like having to find someone every time I want to paddle. However, paddling alone requires that one have a great deal of self-confidence in one's ability to handle things. I've lost a bit of that self-confidence. That particular boat has never fit me all that well, and I'm thinking of changing boats to find one that might fit better. I think a better-fitting boat would lead to more endurance.

I know what you mean about the challenges of finding a woman who likes the outdoors but isn't liberal. Too often, "conservative" becomes synonymous with "conformist," those of us who are not "cookie cutter" conservatives don't fit very well.

Dogs are okay, but I've never wanted one of my own. The nice thing about snakes is that I can feed them and give them water, and they'll be okay on their own for a week. If I have to take a business trip, go on vacation, or go home to see my folks, I can set them up to be okay for a week without my help. I also like the fact that they don't bark and don't need to be let out at night to defecate.

Bill

[snugs]

Well, let me jump in. First off wen I say that "God will send the right one to me or me to her," I always took it where when I'm ready for such a thing, it will happen. Also, I know God will help but I will have to do my share of the leg work or even most of it. I think there are some things to where if God helps you, you have to help yourself as well and/or be willing to.

That was always my understanding as well, you had to be willing to see when the opportunities were there. If you were not ready or willing then God would close the door. As my mother used to say "God helps those who help themselves".

[snugs]

You never know who you may meet as such as thing !!

Congratulations on fixing the VCRs sounds like a productive evening to me.

I appreciate that someone who does this for a living may take a long time doing for themselves the last thing you often want to do is bring work home. As the saying goes "the cobblers children are often the worse shod".

[snugs]

Maybe this is another reason for lack of success with women - women love to share all.

If you bottle things up or feel that it is not appropriate to talk about things as you want to keep things light they will often think you building an emotional wall and do not want them to breach it.

Women then feel that the relationship can never be complete because they feel they cannot share if you are not willing to.

Just my thoughts but it is something to bear in mind as most women have this problem as some time in relationships with men as men are not known for wanting to be willing to share.

It is a macho thing with a lot of them - not saying it is with you but some think that they should be able to sort it out themselves and not burden the special lady in their lives but ultimately in most cases not doing so ruins the relationship.

[snugs]

How did the church discourage you from women seeing you at your best? I do not really follow this one.

The teaching I had from my church was that do not be anxious for a life partner but be willing to see when God is showing the way to go. This could be a job in another area or doing some sort of Christian work whether full or part time but be willing to do what you are called to do.

I saw many people who I thought would never marry do something like this and very shortly there after meet someone.

I also saw a couple of people return home after years away and again meet someone either from our church or another local church. So for them God wanted them to return home rather than venture out maybe they had left to escape something earlier or they could well have been following a calling from memory I believe that we had a few incidents of both.

What I am trying to say is that the teaching you received is not wrong but may not have been explained fully or maybe a lot of people interpreted it incorrectly so it was put forth as you did not need to do anything active but just "wait on the Lord" instead of what I would say is "listen to the Lord".

Let go of the anger and bad feeling and be willing to see opportunities in the future and be willing to talk this through. You may find that this is not the "person" but unburdening it face to face with someone will lead to "the person" or give you the peace to be content until this happens or otherwise.

[snugs]

My response is every time a plane takes off that does more damage to the environment than you can ever do - do you think they will be banned of course not big business has too much of an interest in this.

I do not advocate wasting the earth's resources and am one of those people who reluctantly throw anything out. If I had a bit more time I would also recycle more such as cans.

Also I have seen the destruction of small businesses through Kyoto regs, higher energy bills and more regulation either has put some out of business or reduced profit margins to where wage reviews etc are a thing of the past. Americans and Australians ought to be so grateful to their governments that they did not sign up to this.

IMHO science has never proved the hole in the ozone thing - how can we tell it has not always been there.

I think it was prudent to ban CFC gasses but to keep on and on about global warming is crazy. Yes we have had a very hot summer but in general talking to my dad and others of a similar age summers and spring were in general warmer when he was younger than now.

[snugs]

Right you like reptiles there must be plenty of women who do.

You say that you are not particularly looking for a Christian lady, why not look at joining a local club or organization which are into reptiles or snakes it may surprise you to find women there to.

As a women I have never held a snake - never had the opportunity but would love to but I am fascinated by them and always visit the reptile house at zoos and see plenty of women there to.

Many women handlers and feeders are apparent as well.

On the other hand my dad has a horror like his mother did of them both my mum and me did not.

Also do not think you have to be the macho successful type to get women to like you often women like a vulnerable man. What they really like is someone who is comfortable in their own skin whether this is the successful sporty type or the more vulnerable not so successful man but someone who can cope with this and does not feel they need to always be striving to look good.

[snugs]

There you have proved my point ladies do like them like your local breeder.

Maybe she know other female owners and can introduce you so you can maybe even start a club of your own. Not necessarily for romantic reasons but as friendship who knows where it may lead on all levels.

[snugs]

What comes over to me is that you have a lack of confidence and do not like asking others for help but would rather struggle on your own so end us looking even worse in a given situation.

IMHO you need to know when you need to ask for help. Women do not expect men to be able to do everything on their own and in fact appreciate someone who know when to admit they need help.

Relax and do not think you always need to be "on your game" when around women they will see through this very quickly and think you are false and just trying to get another conquest.

I may sound hard but it is said out of concern that you are always going to carry around a load of baggage and hurt if you do not break the destructive cycle you have bought into.

Hope some of my ramblings tonight/this morning have help.

Take care there are those of us here that care about you and want you to be able to feel content with where you are in life right now as until you can do that IMHO you cannot move on to the next chapter of your life whatever that holds.

[DollyCali]

May your Lord’s Day:

~~ Sound Like a magnificent Symphony
~~ Appear as a sun soaked rainbow
~~ Feel like a refreshing breeze
~~ Taste like a 4-star feast
~~ Smell like a fragrant rose

~~ And be a blessing to YOU and to those you love.

And God said,” It is not good for man to be alone….” Genesis….





People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. .

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. .

They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. .

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.! .

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. .

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. And I thank God for permitting us to find each other. .

DollyCali

[The Mayor]

July 30, 2006

I.O.N.U.

READ: Deuteronomy 10:17-22

Love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. —Deuteronomy 10:19

Sometimes the Christian life boils down to the uncommon expression of common virtues. For example, you would expect that people indwelt by the Spirit of love would be friendly. What a difference practicing that virtue would make in society!

Tim Sanders, in his book Likeability Factor, says that a person who provides others with “a sense of joy, happiness, relaxation, or rejuvenation” is more likely to be hired or promoted. He maintains that some companies have actually abolished unfriendliness. They call their system I.O.N.U.: “I observe no unfriendliness.”

That principle should be practiced by the citizens of Christ’s kingdom. When people are asked what they look for in a church, their number-one response is friendliness. Unfortunately, the reality is that many churchgoers are as distant as a star and as cold as space.

The Lord told ancient Israel that He “loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing” (Deuteronomy 10:18). He commanded them to emulate His behavior (v.19).

Friendliness is not just a wise business practice, it should be a characteristic of all who follow Christ. When you attend your church today, act in such a way that a newcomer could say, “I observe no unfriendliness.” —Haddon W. Robinson

Thinking It Over
What are the key elements that help
a church to be meaningful?
Read The Church We Need 

In a world where many people couldn’t care less, Christians should be people who couldn’t care more.

Bible in One Year: Bible in One Year:   Psalms 51-53; Romans 2

[DollyCali]

In the world, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the Woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)

-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (still 0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with fireplace poker (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then go chat with a friend (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'Death-Cop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [That's right, you lose points no matter how you answer]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
-- You listen for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

[DollyCali]

Special PERSONAL ping

to post 334

[ohioWfan]

Bill, I have read through your posts this morning, and have some thoughts, but no time right now to respond.

I'll do so this afternoon. Thanks for including me in your conversation here. I am honored.

[DollyCali]

You can be my counselor/therapist ANY DAY!!!

You spoke to MANY of us Eleanor even though your posts were directed to Bill..

[iluvgeorgie]

No need to apologize about signing off, Phil. I fell asleep first. I'll try to drop by later today, but it depends when I get back from the office.

Tuesday is supposed to be my last day at work, so I'm scrambling like a crazywoman to finish my projects. It was great to meet you both.