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The Advice Goddess
Westword ^ | Amy Alkon

Posted on 05/30/2006 1:33:52 PM PDT by Millee

Is it really bad for straight men to wear thongs? If women don't like men in thongs, why do they go see them at strip clubs? I'm not "metrosexual"; I just like wearing a thong because it doesn't bind around my thighs, bag up, or get all stretched out at the waist. Women wear men's boxers, what's the deal? -- Average Joe

If you really want to know discomfort, bend over on a first date and let a woman see a thong peeking out the back of your Levis. She'll be out of there faster than you can say "my boyfriend Sven."

Life is not one big equality fest. If a man flashes a woman, she'll probably call the police. If a woman flashes a man, he'll probably call Tom Leykis -- the syndicated radio jock who rallies young hotties to hike their shirts for male drivers with their headlights on. There are countless nudie magazines for men, and even a nudie home, the Playboy Mansion. While there is Playgirl magazine for women, there's no Playgirl Mansion; not even a Playgirl guest house to entertain loyal subscribers -- girls with names like Dirk, Buck, and "The Hairy Pirate."

Women, for the most part, don't go to strip clubs to see men in thongs, they go to strip clubs to laugh at men in thongs. Flipping the bird at convention is part of it, but sociologist Beth Montemurro, who watched women watching men strip, said women's motivation is mostly about "having a shared experience" with their friends; you know, like yesterday's Tupperware party -- except the headliner isn't a lady in an apron but a ripped gay guy in a gladiator skirt.

No, women aren't repressed, just different from men. Men have a more visually based sexuality, so they can get physically aroused from pictures alone -- or just from watching a girl wearing three bandaids and a firehat sliding down a greased pole. Most women, on the other hand, need touch, emotional connection, and bit of back-story. They get turned on looking into the eyes of a fully clothed firefighter -- and grossed out by men in tight pants or Speedos, or those who wrap their package in anything silk, satin, leopard, or thong.

Regarding your comfort complaints, keep in mind that underpants, unlike luggage, do not come with a lifetime guarantee. Toss those that have been with you since junior high. Go to a high-end department store, and ask a salesperson to point you toward full-coverage that fits. You just might do a little better than if you're grabbing them three-to-a-pack at Rite-Aid.

Sure, there are a few girls who don't mind or even prefer a man in a thong. Very, very few. Of the 50 or so women I polled this weekend, most said stuff like this:

Nancy: "There is one scenario where this would be okay: He's just had, at the same time, a testicular operation that requires they be strapped tight at all times AND treatment for third-degree burns on his behind, meaning, it cannot be covered in fabric. But, he'd better have some salve and gauze back there!"

Kate: "EUWWWWWWW. I can't even go there on how creepy this is. Commando, fine. Boxers, sure. Tighty-whities, if you must. Pouches, thongs, dance belts, G-strings -- not in my lifetime!"

The consensus was best summed up by my friend Leah: "Any guy who can tolerate a strand of elastic between his buttocks for long periods of time is not straight. However, he can head straight . . . to West Hollywood. Don't forget the chaps!"

BETTER WAIT THAN NEVER

The guy I've had a crush on all year has always flirted like crazy but never asked me out. Six months ago, I suggested we hang out, but he was seeing someone. Two months ago, I saw him at a club. I casually asked about his girlfriend, and he said they were "on hiatus." To make a long story short, he came home with me, and we slept together. He left abruptly at 4:30 a.m., without even getting my number. Is there any way to salvage this? -- Uncharacteristically Dumb

It's hard enough to salvage a one-night stand, but a three-fifths-night stand? Sorry, a guy who ducks out before you can ask how he takes his coffee is never coming back. What you could salvage is a lesson, not on the merits of playing hard-to-get, but being hard-to-get. While patience can be a real buzz-kill in the moment, it's especially unfun when you have to exercise it sitting by the phone for two months trying not to feel used. For future reference, "hiatus" doesn't mean "over," it means "interruption"; as in, a break in a deep emotional connection with the girlfriend to jump in bed with some girl who immediately contradicts her claim, "This totally isn't me."


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: dasherisstillgone
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To: najida
One more for good measure ;)


41 posted on 05/30/2006 2:07:07 PM PDT by MotleyGirl70
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To: Millee
Is it really bad for straight men to wear thongs? If women don't like men in thongs, why do they go see them at strip clubs? I'm not "metrosexual"; I just like wearing a thong because it doesn't bind around my thighs, bag up, or get all stretched out at the waist. Women wear men's boxers, what's the deal? -- Average Joe

Someone has a hell of a lot of nerve to tag that as coming from "Average Joe"
42 posted on 05/30/2006 2:07:43 PM PDT by Vision (Newt/Pence '08)
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To: HOTTIEBOY

Hey, shush!!!!


43 posted on 05/30/2006 2:07:48 PM PDT by motormouth
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To: najida

You mean that picture is still up.

Why the nerve. This site is supposed to represent conservative values.......

Wait a second....the halfnaked guy pic gets pulled but the girl pic says....

I think I like conservative values.


44 posted on 05/30/2006 2:08:20 PM PDT by HOTTIEBOY (I'm your huckleberry)
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To: HOTTIEBOY

says = stays


45 posted on 05/30/2006 2:09:21 PM PDT by HOTTIEBOY (I'm your huckleberry)
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To: HOTTIEBOY

Hey,
Ya gotta love'm ;)


46 posted on 05/30/2006 2:10:41 PM PDT by najida (Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, dance like nobodys watching.)
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To: Millee; Admin Moderator
Point proved. Man in thong pic........GONE.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1640662/posts?page=5#5 Has been posted all day. Abuse was hit by several people.

The only place for a woman on FR is on all fours in her underwear. And she better be hot, or bye bye.

I am finally understanding that conservative values = men ogling whores.

47 posted on 05/30/2006 2:10:48 PM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (Tagline removed per Admin. Moderator.)
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To: feinswinesuksass

Men should't wear those either.


48 posted on 05/30/2006 2:15:25 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, pull my finger.)
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To: Millee; Cagey; Larry Lucido
He left abruptly at 4:30 a.m.,

( Elaine and Marla at Monk's Cafe.)

Elaine: Look, Marla. This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, here's the one thing you've gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality it's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there.

Marla: So they just leave?

Elaine: Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Well, the smart ones start working on their getaway stories during dinner. How, you know, they gotta get up early tomorrow. What is about being up early? They all turn into farmers suddenly.

49 posted on 05/30/2006 2:15:29 PM PDT by MotleyGirl70
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To: Millee

I'm gonna have to cancel that order... ?


50 posted on 05/30/2006 2:17:07 PM PDT by Publius6961 (Multiculturalism is the white flag of a dying country)
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To: HOTTIEBOY
EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! ITS A FREEPETTE HIJACK!!!

That's not a hijack. This is a hijack.

> > > > >
> > > > >
51 posted on 05/30/2006 2:17:28 PM PDT by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, pull my finger.)
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To: Publius6961

Yep sorry. No wedgie-sensation for you. :o(


52 posted on 05/30/2006 2:22:27 PM PDT by Millee (Tancredo 08!)
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To: Maximus of Texas
Oh no. The Eleven Gary's of the Apocolypse.
53 posted on 05/30/2006 2:24:23 PM PDT by Sax
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To: Millee
I'm a boxer man myself. Loud, multicolored, eye-tearing LOUD!!! In strange designs! Reds and oranges predominantly but black is OK too, when combined with other riotous colors.

Gals who have seen them, yes there has been more than one in my lifetime, usually end up laughing so hard they fall of their chair/bed/barstool or whatever.

Not that I mind. Get a gal laughing and you are halfway to where most men want to be in the first place.
54 posted on 05/30/2006 2:27:56 PM PDT by Ronin (Ut iusta esse, lex noblis severus necesse est.)
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To: Ronin

Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. I mean, it's not just the uniform. It's the stories that you tell. So much fun and imagination.


55 posted on 05/30/2006 2:30:29 PM PDT by Feiny (Now go bang your heads on your desks until something useful comes out!)
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To: HOTTIEBOY
ITS A FREEPETTE HIJACK!!!

They hijacked their own thread?

56 posted on 05/30/2006 2:31:01 PM PDT by Publius6961 (Multiculturalism is the white flag of a dying country)
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To: Larry Lucido
“The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine... ”
57 posted on 05/30/2006 2:38:09 PM PDT by johnny7 (“And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda... what's Fonzie like?!”)
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To: Millee

I too have one word for men in thongs:

EUUWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!


58 posted on 05/30/2006 2:41:07 PM PDT by alwaysconservative (Tarp as a shack)
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To: feinswinesuksass

59 posted on 05/30/2006 3:33:09 PM PDT by day10 (Whenever you come near the human race, there's layers and layers of nonsense.)
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To: Millee; All

I always get in trouble at the dentist for not flossing my teeth. I am very safely away from any desire to floss my...uh...you know.


60 posted on 05/30/2006 3:54:32 PM PDT by JRios1968 (In memoriam...)
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