I am not a poster. I am a crispy critter.

[The Zontron 7000]

I am an internet java script sent to infiltrate your site and transform you from political neanderthals into a modern 21st Century progressive mode.

This is your first warning.

Do not try and resist.

It is useless.

Accept your fate.

You will be assimilated.

[NicknamedBob]

Not bad.

Did you use the "spell" function as I had suggested? I counted two spelling errors and four grammatical entanglements.

Obviously an action scene. They can be fun to write, and exciting to read, but it helps to have an emotional attachment first.

I think it's obvious you have a vivid and three-dimensional imagination. That will help you.

Here's a comparable scene from my published book.

Barbara sat down at a communications console and started finding a connection to her nemesis of earlier in the day, Phoebe Atkins. Long frustrating minutes passed, as Barbara struggled with the haphazard patches, busy traffic, and reluctant bureaucrats in her way. Finally she again reached a point of impasse, but this time she was not attempting to be pleasant.

“Tell the Director that if she doesn’t speak to me right now, I’m going to open a new door into her office!” Barbara said forcefully.

The quaking functionary on the other end said, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. The Director has given strict orders to not be disturbed.”

Barbara relaxed, took a deep breath, and said, “All right, just hold on a moment. Do not disconnect. I’ll do the disturbing myself.” Looking over to one of her associates, Barbara gave concise instructions.

Miles away, one of the Sabots, which had been escorting and protecting the lumbering heavy lifter, which was now doing duty as an airborne aircraft carrier, peeled off and began streaking for the capital city. Carefully counting for the appropriate floor, the pilot, for one thousand extra game credits, was carefully lining up the optimum direction for his shot. With a brilliant burst of blue laser energy, a two-meter circle of the corner office of the Global Defense Director was vaporized. After the single two-second shot, the Sabot veered upward to join its circling companions.

Receiving the report, Barbara turned back to the console, “Now put me through.”

Barbara found herself looking at an image of a grim and haggard looking woman. Actually, she didn’t look much worse than she had before, but she hadn’t been pleasant to look at then. Behind the woman, Daylight and air currents were disturbing her office, and her composure.

“I could have made that hole a little bigger, but I didn’t get the name of your second in command yet.” Barbara said offhandedly.

“What do you want?” the woman glared at her, the hatred pouring from her eyes like a visible substance.

“I’m glad you’re willing to listen, now. I’ve prepared a little list. You will record this, won’t you? First on the list, restore our communications links, both ground and satellite. Second, call back your military forces and order a stand down of all action. We don’t require any assistance with the ‘natural disaster’ that didn’t quite happen....

[Tax-chick]

We don't have pews, just chairs. In fact, we don't have a church (canonically), just a "multi-purpose structure."

We have a bell, but ringing it is assigned to the children.

[EsmeraldaA]

What do you think of my tagline....

[NicknamedBob]

Shouldn't that be, "People who think they..." et cetera?

[Paul_Denton]

I did not see you suggest anything about spelling, unless you were being sarcastic.

I did proof read it. That was two spelling errors out of thirteen. As for emotional attatchment, that part is when the air-raid sirens were going off and she got the news several cities had been vaporized, the reality sinking in at how many people had died so far. I left that part out because just this one scene was long enough as it is and I know most people do not like long forum posts.

You have to understand that unlike most uthors I am doing this completely alone so I do not have help to solve errors and MS word does not do much in solving errors.

[Paul_Denton]

I like it! :) I agree with it completely :)

[sionnsar]

[EsmeraldaA]

HEY!!
I didn't write the stupid thingy.

LMAO.

[sionnsar]

We don't have pews, just chairs. In fact, we don't have a church (canonically), just a "multi-purpose structure."
We have a bell, but ringing it is assigned to the children.

We have several points in the service where the bell is called for, all of which are during when the children are in Sunday School. Takes a little training.

[Tax-chick]

I see. We just ring ours coming out of church ... or any other time a child is hanging around unsupervised :-).

[EsmeraldaA]

I am just having fun with it for a bit. LOL!

[EsmeraldaA]

[sionnsar]

LOL.

Well, time to go for the evening, I think. 'Night, all!

[sionnsar]

LOL! Good night...

[EsmeraldaA]

'Nite.

[Paul_Denton]

LOL! :)

[Paul_Denton]

"Miles away, one of the Sabots, which had been escorting and protecting the lumbering heavy lifter, which was now doing duty as an airborne aircraft carrier, peeled off and began streaking for the capital city."

Sabot?

I forgot to state that the dropship Sandra flew was dual-role. Like a UH-60. It can double as an attack vehicle.

And what does it take to get a novel published

[NicknamedBob]

"I did not see you suggest anything about spelling, unless you were being sarcastic."

I am not trying to be sarcastic, I really wish to be helpful, and I further wish you every success. It was post 7196, here.

Last line reads: “You should use the "spell" function to help you with the formatting, and use extra carriage returns for spacing.”

"When the base was under attack this rule was automatically wavered/waived."

"With no vehicle load adnd/and only weapons, "

"Three lances /lance/ of super-heated bluish-white metal vapor leapt out at a significant percentage of the speed of light "

It is not my intention to pick your work apart. As you can see, I did read it carefully, not just for errors, but also for content. I liked it, but I was feeling inundated with new concepts and action sequences. I have this same problem in the Lord Of The Rings movies. The action seems too fast for me to follow.

[Paul_Denton]

Ah okay. Thanks :) LOL I never noticed those. Thanks for the tip. Should the action be slowed down? If so is there a way you recommend doing so?

[NicknamedBob]

"And what does it take to get a novel published?"

I'd recommend these folks. Easy and inexpensive.

http://www.lulu.com/

Or you can do what I did, and learn a lesson in economics.

http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?q3=wzh3xw6qtoE%253d