Lots of Freepers Are Dumber Than a Box of Hair (can you folks help me on this?)

March 23, 2005 | JohnRobertson

[John Robertson]

Fat chicks with big hair stand out like an elephant at a flamingo farm.

I didn't know that till I read it here. I read this here, too, in response to someone who was making too fine a point on something: My, my, picking pepper out of flyshit, aren't we?

What are the coolest expressions you know? The greatest folksy putdowns? The wish-I'd'a-said-that comebacks. The most colorful damned American ways of saying things?

Care to share? I would very much like to liven up my smartmouth. Thank you, folks.

And for those of you who got nothin'...please refer back to the title. Just kidding: I heard that on FR too.

[Blood of Tyrants]

An old favorite: Boy, if you were twice as smart as you think you are, you would still be twice as dumb as I think you are.

[Osage Orange]

If all your brains were ink, you couldn't dot an i.

You are about as welcome as a porcupine at a nudist colony.

You breath smells like an outhouse breeze.

You aren't as smart as an egg-sucking dog.

Even the chickens under the porch are smarter than you.

You don't know a bit from a butt.

I hear they call your sister "radio station"...cause anyone can pick her up, especially at night.

[Osage Orange]

One burrito short of a combo meal......

[Steely Tom]

Mayor Ed Koch had a great one for a reporter who kept needling him on a policy issue, trying to get the mayor to say something that could be spun negatively.

After five or six go-arounds, Koch looked at him and said "Look, I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."

(steely)

[Joe 6-pack]

F--ked up as a football bat

As wrong as two boys f--ckin'

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel.

Wouldn't piss on him/her if they were on fire

On (top of) it like a pack of pit-bulls on a three legged cat.

[Pharmboy]

One of my all-time favorites came from my third grade teacher:

You can't learn anything when your lips are moving.

[stylin_geek]

"So dense, light bends around him."

[Muleteam1]

My late father-in-law used to say "she's uglier than a mud fence." Now the closest thing to a mud fence that I've ever seen is an adobe wall which are brown, dried and cracked with grass sticking out like the rough hair on the back of an elephant. Reminds me of another saying, "Helen Thomas is so ugly the Elephant Man would buy a ticket to see her."

[506trooper]

One of my favorites

"The difference between you and a rock is, a rock is a stable genius in its line of work."

[Joe 6-pack]

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...

[Sam's Army]

"Where'd you get that haircut, at the deli?"

"Boy, you could tear up an anvil"

[Shooter 2.5]

"Boy, you could tear up an anvil"

With a rubber mallet.

[Army Air Corps]

I ahd a boss who used to say: "That (insert person or idea here) is crazier than a hatfull of a$$holes."

[Joe 6-pack]

I'd rather have a sister in a whorehouse than a brother in (occupation of party to be insulted here.)

[bray]

This Vanity went over like a Cowpie on a Texas Highway...

Pray for W and Our Troops

[AlbertWang]

Uglier than Home Made Sin.

[pubmom]

Nuttier than a squirrel's stash for the Winter.

[Samwise]

I've heard it.

You can't comb your hair with a wagon wheel. The expression means "You need to comb your hair. It's a mess."

[John Robertson]

Yo, Sloth. You and I have already had a serious pi$$ing match in the past, so we can't have one here. I guess I'm saying, Stir that around and try to pick out the peas.

[Samwise]

Wouldn't make a pimple on a real man's ass.

Don't ask me to explain that one. It makes no sense to me. Ewwwwwwwww.