why do you guys keep banning me? (Zot! Because we can) (Juwish modz totally rewl!)

self

[jj_fate]

why do people keep banning me everytime I put up interesting articles? I work for a website I think some of you are familiar with called phantirath weekly world news and each time we put somthing up on FR no matter how conservative it is it keeps getting banned. Whats the matter with it?! Damn man what are you marxist socialists communists? I just got a call this mroning from a Juwish friend of mine who said that you banned an important article about Zionism and Noam Federman and about how we were to support israel. I thought you guys supported Juws and others like him!? I mean you know that god is going to punish you if you dont support them and others like Noam Federman who are being downtrodden by the leftists and the Arabs! EVEN Pat Buchanan would be outraged by this! The Juws are wonderful people who have been a blessing to this nation and other nations in the world! Why is it you hypocrites complain about bias and then you shut us up just because you dont agree with us!? Who made you god and told us what we had to do anyway! This website has got to be the most fascist naziast place ive ever been! The Juws will win someday and when the Arabs are gone and when the Juws and rightous gentils go up top you will be atr the bottom! I demand an explanation for why you are doing this to me and my boss and the Juws!

[Tax-chick]

The Clever Ostrich and the Pickpocket
by Tom and Bill
Part II

The ostrich went inside and started watching TV. When the pickpocket woke up, he found the ostrich watching TV! "So you got in!" he said. "Wait until tomorrow," he said. "I will go through your chimney!" "OK," said the ostrich. "I'll be there tomorrow evening," said the pickpocket. "Right," said the ostrich. "See you there," and he left.

The ostrich got a ladder and climbed onto his roof. When the pickpocket came, he said, "How nice! He left a ladder for me!" The pickpocket climbed up the ladder and was kicked down. "Rats!" said the pickpocket, who had hurt his head. "Ha ha!" said the ostrich. "Now let's see who can get through your hedge first. You get the left; I get the right. (The right had the gap.)

[Dead Corpse]

Weird? Yes. Colorful? NO. I try to be as monochromatic as possible.

[Tax-chick]

New Undead volunteers are always welcome. Sionnsar has a ping list, but he's on vacation. When he comes back, you can ask to be added!

[Tax-chick]

Correction. One-color weirdness.

[Darksheare]

High above the crowd on a small ledge sat an altogether insignificant figure. The figure observed the whole of the huge hall that stretched almost to the limits of imagination. The crowd had no idea he was there. A small, humored smile twitched across his pale face.

"It's so good to see you smile again, Karsh Kentu." a feminine voice intruded on his thoughts from just over his left shoulder. It was all he could to to not jump and slip.
Boy, would that spoil the festivities below..Karsh thought. "Abilene, you sure know how to spook a guy, for being a ghost and all." he stated to the incorporeal form sitting next to him. She laughed as if he had made a joke.
"I do love dropping in on you, it's been so long since you've smiled. What is that down there anyway? Shall I drop in?" A mischievous grin and a glint in the eye told Karsh that indeed, Abilene would make an appearance in the crowd, just for laughs.
"Um, no. That little get together is a party. And I disinvited myself from it to have a little peace. If you dropped in, everyone would be terrified." an understatement, if any. It had been said that in life, Abilene had enslaved the male population with her voice. Karsh Kentu didn't doubt it.
"You always spoil my fun." Abilene pouted.
"That's what I'm here for, right?" a ghostly hand punched him in the shoulder in response. *Break for now.*

*Back to the story* Karsh Kentu was leaning slightly, he'd spotted someone down below that he wanted to avoid like a torban hallucinating on bo'um, and Abilene's ghostly fist actually knocked him further off balance.
"Hey!" Karsh Kentu was very surprised by the hit. He hadn't known that ghosts could do that. He'd have to keep that in mind and torment his ghostly ancestor later....
Abilene, for her credit, did try to grab Karsh. Being a ghost, her efforts were more comical than helpful. Karsh felt her hands flash through his arm two or three times as he wobbled on the edge. Then he dropped.
"I'm sorry!" she yelled over the edge. Karsh merely had his arms crossed as he made his way to the ground below. His face had a look of extreme annoyance peppered with slight boredom.
'I do hope I don't break anything expensive.' he thought. He wasn't worried about falling. He'd survive that alright. He was more concerned with the fact that he was rapidly returning to the party he'd just left a few short minutes ago...

Arselen and Lady Bouvredi were discussing where Lord Kentu had disappeared to now as the servants rolled a large confection in.
"Don't worry my lady, he's bound to drop in unexpectedly..." Lady Bouvredi had no idea how true she spoke, yet the sound of a loud bang behind her and cake flying past her made her wonder. The shocked look on Arselen's face made her decide against turning to look.
"Well, he did drop in unexpectedly." A small lively smile broke upon her face before giving way to outright laughter. Lady Bouvredi was overcome by curiousity and had to turn around. She was never prepared for what she saw, and never would have been even if she was told what she would see.
Karsh Kentu was sitting in the center of a large cake with his arms crossed. Frosting dropped off his chin, spoiling his clothes. His mouth was working as if he was chewing on a rather tough walnut. The look of annoyance from behind the wreck of holocaust ed food was unmistakable.
"I... am back. Miss me?" he said dryly. A herd of Khyban could have run through screaming and wailing and no-one would have noticed in the silence. Karsh Kentu picked his way out of the cake and off of the now wrecked cart. The servants didn't dare say anything. They left that up to the now arriving Abilene.
"Kentu! Just what have you done?"
That was the end of the silence for the rest of the evening.

[annyokie]

Will do! We Iconoclasts need to be heard!

[Dead Corpse]

Did you say.... "Ostrich"?

[annyokie]

I am not in to one color weirdness, it's full color or I am out. /huff off

[Dead Corpse]

By all means, be as prismaticly variegated as you wish to be...

Just keep the neon off my darkened corner of the castle... h'kay? ;-)

[Tax-chick]

The Clever Ostrich and the Pickpocket
by Tom and Bill
Part III

The pickpocket said, "OK, we'll do it." "I know I will win," he thought. "Ostriches don't have arms!" They went to his hedge. The ostrich ran right; the pickpocket ran left. When they reached their destinations, the ostrich said, "On your mark, get set, GO!" The ostrich ran through the gap and won! Meanwhile, the pickpocket had finally made it, but he was scratched up and covered with thorns. "You did it, all right!" shouted the pickpocket angrily.

"Wait," said the ostrich, "Let's see whose boat can get across the pond first. I'll go get mine; you go get yours." They got them. "OK. On your mark, get set, GO!" The ostrich had a speedboat, so he won. The wind wasn't blowing, so the pickpocket had to take his sail down and row. "Easy," said the ostrich.

[annyokie]

All your Castle are belong to me.

[Tax-chick]

I'm sure Tom didn't realize Ostriches were an icon of libertarians ...

[Darksheare]

Karsh Kentu sighed as he slunk lower in the bath, letting the steam work the cake out of his skin. This was his third run through and the first without cake dripping from him.
He was lost in mild thought, mostly about Abilene's ghostly appearance into the middle of the party. The guests, for their credit, waited for a few seconds before screaming and running. Karsh Kentu had asked Abilene, "What.. I... Did?" before grasping his head in his hands and letting out an anguished howl. When he looked up, Abilene, Arselen, Lady Bouvredi, and a handful of servants were left. Other than that, the hall had been empty.
Now he was relaxing. Or thought he was....
"Are you still angry with me?" came a voice that was rapidly taking on the essence of a curse. Karsh Kentu jumped and started reaching for anything to cover with. His gyrations were more successful in removing water from the tub rather than getting his hands closer to his towels..
"Modesty, modesty. It's not anything I haven't seen before...." Abilene took on a motherly tone. Karsh Kentu froze still and looked at her with a look only seen by parents when they're embarrassing the children.
Somehow, he got out of the tub and into his towel only to be accosted by the door opening and another intruder came into his sanctuary.
"Karsh, what are you doing in that towel? You're needed in the conference room." Arselen said from next to Abilene. Instinctively, his hands went to his face as a low howl started to escape his throat. He wondered what his blood pressure was irrelevantly......
In the conference room, the four dignitaries heard a high keening sound followed quickly by a loud yell... and they were on the other side of the keep.
"Umm.. you dropped your towel." someone, one of the two seemingly innocent yet demonic women, giggled. The door shut and he was alone. He opened his eyes and sighed. Then growled.
At least he still had his sword. He pinned his towel around his waist and charged down the halls after them with his sword over his head and bellowing.
"Give me back my clothes!"

The dignitaries asked the Studor if they were correct in thinking they saw a half dressed man with a sword chasing two hysterically laughing women with clothes in their hands past the doors...


The shouting was deafening. The recipients of the shouting were shifting on their feet and looking guilty. The bellowing person had great reason to be shouting. It was his job to maintain order in the keep. And these three seemed bent on making that job as impossible as it could get... Karsh Kentu was disheveled. His hair was a mess, his clothes even worse. He looked like he'd had a whole horde of Norkell hopped over him. The tray wrapped around the upper portion of his back told part of the tale.. the smoke rising off of him told the rest.
Arselen had small holes burned into her dress, both top and bottom. Somehow she seemed to have gotten a plant tangled in her hair. And everything else.
Abilene, if it was possible, looked worse than the other two. If it was possible for a ghost to look worse than the previous two sorry looking people. She looked absolutely tortured. Her nails looked chipped and broken. Her hair was woolly and wild. Her clothes were torn and tattered. She was daubing at something on Arselen's cheek..

And so it was that Rathe Kar, Captain of the Guard got a chance to scream his heart out to three members of The Most Unappreciative Audience EVER. He paced, he swore, he threw things, he jumped up and down, he smashed things, he pointed and made stabbing motions, he turned purple with veins sticking out all over his forehead. And that was all in the first three seconds.
"....And then you three fall over the balcony directly into the laps of the visiting countess of H'ri Bick with you-" pointing at Karsh Kentu, "flashing her and her escorting ladies with your towel half hanging there. And that Da-" Arselen coughed, "sword of yours almost skewering Bentold before he could move! You did that on purpose!"
He turned his fury to the Queen. More angry with her than anyone else, if that were possible.
"And you! If you weren't Queen, and you weren't my half-sister!, I'd turn you over my knee and make you wish that plant was the worst of your worries!" All three perps were gesturing and hemming, hawing, and saying fragments of words. Rathe kept going.
"I'm disappointed in you! You of all people know how to comport yourself, and you resort to grappling with half dressed men like children! And you broke that table in front of the delegates from Zhithrik!"
"Karsh Kentu landed on me!" Arselen protested.
"Abilene pushed me!" Karsh said, looking at the ghost.
"He bit me." Abilene said with a straight face, "See?" She held out one finger for inspection. Rathe didn't buy it.
"Youre a ghost! What can he possibly do to you?"
"He can throw lightning." she added in her defense.
"You started it, you set me on fire!" Karsh offered. He was right, she had set him on fire first. Not that it did anything to him. Rathe swore the man was made of stone, or undead. The latter was probably the more likely....
He shook his head, my how they could confuse a body when one was trying to get a good yelling out.
"And how did those holes get burned into your clothes, dear sister?" he asked sweetly, trying not to sound like he was changing the subject.
Arselen looked down at some of the larger, more revealing holes and singe marks, "Oh my." She looked over at Karsh Kentu, who in turn pointed at Abilene.
"She cheated. She didn't stay solid after setting me alight." Rathe could see it now, lightning going through a ghost to make one nice expensive formal dress become something out of a barmaids' closet..... he tried to shake the humor of it out of his head and failed.
"I hate to ask.. but just how did that tray become lodged on your back? Hmm?" He was rocking on his heels now.
"What tray?" the one that's attached to my back you mean? Why no, I have no idea how that got there...
Rathe grabbed it, and with some effort, pulled it into view. Karsh Kentu looked surprised.
"That crinkling sound was a tray?"
Remind me to take a long vacation away from here, the Eternal preserve me if I make it through this day...Rathe was really trying to keep himself together. But since he had pages of complaints and reports, and outright gratitude from some, about the ongoing 'sibling rivalry and outright terror' activities of these three... He was lucky to keep his head from spinning. He needed a drink.
"Go. Just get out of my office, and don't make me drag you three back in here again, especially you, Abilene. For someone who was a Queen herself, you act rather..." He couldn't think of a word to mean what he wanted to say. Abilene should have been born a man.

[Dead Corpse]

Actually, until I found that website a few years ago.... neither did I.

[Tax-chick]

LOL!

The Clever Ostrich and the Pickpocket
by Tom and Bill
Conclusion

"Hmph!" said the pickpocket. "Okay, let's have a tower-climbing contest," thinking, "I know I'll win!" The ostrich got his gear - a claw, ropes, and a helmet - while the pickpocket came empty-handed. "On your mark, get set, GO!"

The ostrich had trouble at first, but he easily made it, when he got the hang of it. "Hi!" he said to the pickpocket, who was still at the bottom. "Let's have a swimming contest." They did. The ostrich won. He was a really good swimmer.

The End

[Tax-chick]

You certainly can plot more zippily than Tom and Bill, although even they get to the point more quickly than Anoreth does!

[stands2reason]

(Returns, tired and beaten down)

Damn, troll is still alive.

Will rest and fight again tomorrow.

To The Death.

This is pretty scary for me. This troll's older than I am. And if she ain't a troll, I ain't a Freeper.

Don't worry, if I fail yet again tomorrow, I won't leave you guys without an opus.

[Darkchylde]

This still needs a little work (in my opinion). However, I
have a tendency to ruin that which I set out to fix.


The vampire saw her, she was alone again.

She was always alone... so much like him.

He watched her at night, wishing to know her.

He could've known all her thoughts & dreams if
he wished, but he didn't want to do that to her.

She was just a mortal.

A simple, frail, transient, beautiful mortal.

But he prefered to hear her voice.

The soft lilting... it touched him like no other.

He shook his head to clear his senses.

Daydreaming was such a MORTAL trait.

He hadn't been a mortal in over four millenia.

This MORTAL..... this.... woman, she
brought back all his former dreams & desires.

Such simple desires they were.

He had wanted a family, a beautiful wife &
children, to bring them home where they'd live
out their days in the vast lands he called home.

He was daydreaming again.

She began to move down the dimly lit street...
he couldn't help but follow.

He determined his only option was to meet her.

Slowly he walked behind her, waiting for his opportunity.

It was coming up fast.

"Look out!" he shouted as the car rushed
around the corner, nearly running her down.

He pulled her back just in time.

The pounding of her heart was met with the silence of
his own, the scent of her blood with his thirst for it.

He held her close for a time, balancing his vampire
thirst with his "human" desires.

"Are you hurt?" he finally asked, trying to avoid her eyes.

"No. No, I'm fine" came the trembling reply.

Timidly he offered to walk her home.

How "human" of him he thought.

She accpeted his kindness.

If his heart hadn't been silenced long ago, it
would've skipped a beat.

"I don't live to far from here" she told him, trying
to make SOME form of conversation.

He knew where she lived, but didn't dare say for he
knew it'd probably frighten her.

In actuallity, he lived in the crypt just across the street.

He had chosen it years ago when she had moved
into the neighborhood.

"Why do you laugh?" she asked.

He did laugh, didn't he?

Thinking quickly he replied "Nothing, I've lived here
for many years & have never seen you."

Oh, how he lied.

Inwardly he argued over this.

Would it be better to tell her he had been
stalking her from the beginning?

Or how he never had the courage to approach
her, to approach a mere human?

He kept telling himself how she WAS a mere
MORTAL... but what a mortal she was.

Many vampires had more experience than she in the art
of seduction, by hundreds, maybe thousands of years.

Yet THIS vampire was being brought to his knees by
the soft voice of a fragile human.

They reached her house all too soon for him.

Perhaps it was best.

He realized they had been speaking for three
hours, it was almost dawn.

"Thank you" she quietly lilted & gave him a kiss on the
cheek before disappearing behind the big victorian door.

Such a warm kiss from such soft lips.

It had been so long since he had felt such a thing.

As he stumbled back to his crypt in boyish bliss, he
remembered somewhere in the conversation
he had made plans for a date tomorrow night.

He gave a sigh as he lay down, reminding himself to
take things slow & control his blood lust.

He drifted just as the sun peaked over the little mountain ridge, content
to let the little mortal decide where they two would go.

[Tax-chick]

Very atmospheric! I'm seeing one of those drizzly European cities that my Mom sends me postcards from!

[Fedora]

Which thread?