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Recently elected London Mayor Sadiq Khan formally endorsed Hillary Clinton for president and warned that "her Republican opponent's ignorant anti-Muslim views will bring retribution." "The gift of Islam is free for the taking," Khan said. "All are welcome to join the umma. Those who wish to remain unbelievers are free to do so, but they must show proper respect toward the one true religion. Mr. Trump's proposal to ban Muslims from coming to America is disrespectful. Allah has given the world to Muslims. It is not for any unbeliever to say where Muslims may or may not go." Khan predicted...

Concerned that the flow of Muslim immigrants into the European Union might be deterred if member nations refuse to accept ever enlarging quantities of refugees, officials are implementing a €250,000 (about $300,000) per head fine for every refugee not allowed into a country. EU spokesman Geert Waloon explained that "the European reproduction rate is far below replacement levels. If our countries are to avoid becoming uninhabited 'ghost towns' we must increase our population. The refugees are fertile and not averse to generating offspring. Securing an abundant supply of them will ensure that EU government workers will have an adequate number...

"I have a little announcement to make ... I'm voting for Hillary. I am endorsing Hillary," noted conservative author P.J. O'Rourke said on NPR's Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me. The episode aired over the weekend.

The German Army had to shorten its participation in recent NATO war-game exercises because the government's labor regulations restrict the number of continuous hours troops can be on duty. Minister of Defense Rinehart Schwachkopf defended the move asserting that "preserving the rights of the worker against exploitation is an essential function of the German government. If we start discarding rights on the pretext that 'defense is too important' to have to comply with regulations intended to protect these rights we raise the question of what are we fighting for if not to protect Germans' rights?" Schwachkopf acknowledged that "enemies of...

Trying to map a politically viable route out of the national security infractions committed by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch professed herself "unable to find any evidence that Secretary Clinton had any malicious intent." "We're thinking that her use of an unsecured private computer server for classified communications was just an honest mistake that could more properly be attributed to ignorance or incompetence," Lynch speculated. "Judging from events on the campaign trail, it is not implausible to hypothesize that brain damage from a concussion she suffered last year or early onset dementia are more...

A study published in the prominent medical journal BMJ concluded that errors by doctors and hospitals kill more than 250,000 people a year in the US. Martin Makary, professor of surgery at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, led the research team and said “It boils down to people dying from the care that they receive rather than the disease for which they are seeking care.” “In recent years a lot has been made of the issue of people living without health insurance and how the government must take heroic efforts to compel everyone to obtain insurance,” Makary observed....

Today the Obamas were named in a civil suit filed in Washington, D.C. by civil rights lawyers of the firm S. Lash, Burns, & Cheatem. The plaintiff (name withheld) is an underage Lesbian white Hispanic Dreamer who was publicly bullied when she asked the older Obama daughter out to the Prom. The Obama daughter not only rejected the date but made a vocal public display of the rejection. It is alleged that Mr. Obama threatened the "immigrant/refugee" family with deportation if they didn't hush the girl up. Unconfirmed sightings of "Fast & Furious" DOJ and BATF agents were rumored to...

Seeking to dissuade West Virginia voters from holding her promise "to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business" against her, Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton maintains that "those remarks have been distorted by being taken out of context." The specific context, according to the candidate "was the need to get the votes of environmentally conscious individuals in states that have no coal industry. For my opponents and the media to inject that statement into the West Virginia primary distorts the nuanced messages I am trying to express to the varied constituencies around the nation. It...

In a bid to solidify her leftist credentials, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton floated a couple of ridiculous ideas about how this country will improve when she is president. On the urban violence front, Clinton proposes to "reset" the relationship between police and street gangs. "The knee jerk attitude of the average American toward urban gangs is that they are a bad thing," she observed. "What they overlook is that joining a gang is like having a family. It's feeling like you're part of something bigger than yourself. I think this is a positive thing. Another positive is that the...

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's emphasis that the guiding principle for foreign policy under his administration will be "America first" has made some of our European allies nervous. Germany's foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier characterized Trump's stance as "arrogant and selfish. To put America first is offensive to my ears. He is denying our equality and our right to participate in determining what America must do to protect all of our mutual interests. If this kind of self-centered viewpoint had prevailed in an earlier era my country and perhaps all of western Europe would today be run by fascists or communists."...

Colorado Republicans blasted the EPA after an agency official refused to cover the full cost of damages done by the EPA’s release of toxic sludge from the Gold King Mine last August contaminated water supplies in Colorado and New Mexico after spreading from the Animas River to the San Juan River. EPA official Bill Murray explained that “people need to understand that when we took responsibility for the spill we were making a moral statement, not agreeing to compensate anyone for any injuries suffered. The government has ‘sovereign immunity’ and cannot be held liable without its consent. Obviously, we are...

Despite declines in labor force participation, family income and home ownership juxtaposed to increases in poverty, debt, and health care costs, President Obama maintains that his Administration "probably managed the American economy better than any large economy on Earth in human history." The President lambasted critics who cite GDP statistics that show Obama to be the only president that has failed to deliver even a single year of 3% growth—making his the worst performing administration since Herbert Hoover's during the early years of the Great Depression. "Growth and prosperity aren't the only metrics by which we should judge what has...

The generosity of Danes opening their borders to immigrants from Muslim countries has been repaid by an astounding surge in crimes committed by these foreigners. Though these foreigners make up only 8% of the country's population they account for over 75% of the crimes committed and over 80% of those drawing unemployment benefits from the government. Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders, who has frequently offered up Denmark as an exemplar of the kind of social policies we ought to adopt in the United States, professed himself "not the least bit disturbed by these results. Compared to the places these...

The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire. Home Celebs CelebsMinistriesU.S. The Power Of Positive Declarations: Joel Osteen Can Now Fly February 28, 2016 HOUSTON, TX—Joel Osteen, celebrity senior pastor of Lakewood Church, has been proclaiming the life-changing power of regular, vocal, positive declarations and self-affirmations for years, and for just as long has pointed to his own life and accomplishments as irrefutable evidence of their efficacy. “My primary residence has more elevators than your house has bathrooms,” he told churchgoers in a recent sermon. “And do you know why? It’s because I declared it would happen....

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a scientific marvel reportedly funded by the Koch brothers, Ted Cruz and John Kasich announced at a press conference Tuesday that they have fused into a single candidate, in what is being seen as a last-ditch effort to deny Donald Trump the Republican nomination. The new candidate, named Jed Crusich, reportedly came into being by merging the bodies and essences—and voting bases, as the plan certainly goes—of the two former candidates Cruz and Kasich. Also fused are their delegate counts, bringing Crusich to 707—within striking distance of Trump’s 845. Crusich, whom Donald Trump has already dubbed “Cheatin’ Jed”...

For the past month, a media narrative has taken hold that something must be done to reform, simplify, streamline, and democratize the delegate selection system of the Republican presidential nomination process. Is our GOP presidential primary system rigged, meaning it is corrupt because it favors the establishment? Is it convoluted, arbitrary, arcane...and too often "voteless"? Is it wrong to allow "Trojan horse" delegates to change their vote on the second ballot of the national convention? Why do we have a separate election for delegates after we vote for candidates? The system is not rigged, convoluted, arbitrary, arcane, or voteless. It...

Assembly Bill 2459, sponsored by Assembly Member Kevin McCarty (D-Sacramento) would institute such draconian regulations on firearms vendors that most, perhaps all, would be driven out of business. This is okay by McCarty, though, because "it would draw a distinct line between the duly authorized and armed police and the outlaws who possess guns." "Let's say that all legitimate gun dealers shutdown," McCarty speculated. "There would be no legal way for a law-abiding citizen to obtain a firearm. The only available source would be an illegal street purchase. In one fell swoop, my bill would convert everyone with a gun...

It goes without saying that liberals aren’t the most ideologically consistent bunch out there. As a resident of New Jersey, it’s impossible to find a newspaper that isn’t in the tank for Democrats. Even the letters to the editor can be painful to read. Apparently that isn’t the case in the rest of the country! This man wrote a tongue in cheek letter to the editor explaining his top twelve reasons to vote Democrat, and he NAILS it.

The lawless Obama Administration's Solicitor General Donald Verrilli told the Supreme Court that "persons in the United States illegally may be granted a 'lawful presence' at the discretion of the President. As the nation's legal sovereign his word is law and supersedes the legal constraints imposed by statute or the Constitution" and urged the Justices to reject the lawsuit being pressed by 26 states "because they are relying on an out-dated conception of the powers of government." "Rather than inventing a new executive power not contemplated by the framers of the Constitution, why doesn't the President just utilize the power...

President Obama's pledge "to never set foot in the UK again if that country's voters decide to leave the European Union" appears to have bolstered the movement pushing for that objective. Independence Party leader Nigel Farage said "this threat from the odious Mr. Obama is a shot-in-the-arm to our efforts to extricate our country from the bureaucratic tyranny that the EU has become. It's like a 'buy one, get one free' offer. Not only will the people of the United Kingdom get to disentangle ourselves from the EU's continental fops, we will also, apparently, see the last of America's premier...