Free Republic

Long time Democratic Party operative Bob Beckel says GOP hopes of taking control of both Houses of Congress will be thwarted by an "October surprise." "Republicans who are counting on the President's unpopularity to spark a vote against Congressional Democrats are in for a rude awakening," Beckel predicted. "On Sunday, November 2nd President Obama will go on national TV and announce his resignation. Relieved of this albatross, embattled Democrats should be able to cruise to the finish line on top on November 4th." "Then on the third day, November 5th, President Obama will rise like Jesus did, and resume his...

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen told the House Ways and Means subcommittee that “as a general rule, we try to follow the law whenever we can.” Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Tex), who leads the subcommittee, expressed the idea that the IRS ought to always follow the law and asked for instances in which Koskinen thought breaking the law might be necessary. “Laws are such static things,” Koskinen observed. “They don’t necessarily provide for every possible contingency. If the President feels that there is a gap in the law we’re not going to allow ourselves to be stymied by the lack of legislative...

Sitting Senator Mark Udall (D-Colo) refuses to debate his GOP opponent Cory Gardner, saying that a proposed televised debate is “not part of my strategy for reelection.” “These live debates are such a crap shoot,” Udall groused. “You can’t carefully craft your message. You only have a few seconds to compose answers to off-the-wall questions. The risk of a misstatement is high.” Rather than endanger the major investment his campaign has made in focus group-vetted platitudes by debating, Udall expressed satisfaction with his plan to bombard voters with dinner-time robocalls. “The beauty of these is that a candidate has total...

The German Government has decided to strike back against the ISIS reign of terror in Iraq and Syria by revoking its access to civic amenities. Included in the ban would be the total loss of privileges to use public facilities such as meeting rooms at libraries, ramadas at public parks, and participation in public parades. In addition, security personnel at sporting events will be instructed to deny admittance to anyone wearing Isis symbols including hats, t-shirts or other garb with the organization’s insignia. Defense minister Thomas de Mazière, characterized the restrictions as “a measured response. We want to give them...

Woodruff High School in Spartanburg, South Carolina confiscated American flags from the vehicles of four students this past week. The school’s principal, Aaron Fulmer, explained that “professions of patriotism do not write a ‘blank check’ for egregious behavior. Many of our undocumented students may feel intimidated by such flagrant demonstrations. And as President Obama has pointed out, the American flag, like the Confederate flag, is seen as a symbol of oppression in many parts of the world.” “Flaunting so-called American exceptionalism also contradicts the lesson of humility our school is trying to inculcate,” Fulmer said. “The United States is just...

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto castigated Texas Governor Rick Perry’s deployment of National Guard troops on the U.S.-Mexican border as “unneighborly. He’s like that Clint Eastwood character in Gran Torino telling my people to get off his lawn.” “For decades my people have become accustomed to the ability to pass freely between our two countries,” Peña said. “In our minds this clearly establishes an ‘easement’ right to travel over these roads and pathways. For Governor Perry to suddenly seek to terminate these rights is an affront.” Peña indicated that he plans to bring the issue up before the United Nations....

US Secretary of State John Kerry challenged ISIL’s definition of itself and insisted that the self-proclaimed Islamic State is not, in fact, Islamic. “I studied Islam in college,” Kerry asserted. “None of the books I read or classes I took mentioned anything about beheading unbelievers or raping women. I’ll stack this up against the mutterings of an uneducated terrorist any day of the week.” Palestinian-Jordanian politician Muhammad Bayoudh Al-Tamimi disagreed with Kerry and maintained that ISIL’s “actions and words stem directly from the Quran and Sunna—two of Islam’s most sacred texts.” A spokesman for ISIL suggested that “perhaps this chattering...

Michelle Obama has been on a snack killing tyrade in the metro D.C area for the past few days. She recently met up with Sarah Palin at a Starbucks to debate healthy snacking versus eating delicious cookies and desserts. While Sarah was ordering a cookie Michelle snatched it from her hands and tossed it into the trash. Within seconds the ever so tough Alaska native took the palm of her hand a smacked it right across Michelle’s face. ‘Merica Post reached out to Sarah Palin for comment on the small tussle. Here’s what she had to say. “Don’t you ever...

The Trump National Golf Club, Winged Foot and Willow Ridge rejected requests to let President Obama play on their golf courses over the Labor Day weekend. This mightily irked Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest. “These clubs put the needs and convenience of their members ahead of the needs and convenience of the President of the United States,” Earnest charged. “It’s a clear case of misplaced priorities.” The inconveniences to golf club members would’ve been substantial. All other golfers would’ve been barred from the course while the President played through. “Where’s their sense of patriotism?” Earnest wondered. “The President is Commander-in-Chief....

While a key part of President Obama's strategy to combat ISIL involves arming supposed enemies of that organization, a program that has previously been roundly criticized is now being bandied about as "prescient" and "visionary" by Attorney General Eric Holder. The program: "Fast and Furious." "What the President's critics have lambasted as wrongheaded and improvident is starting to look pretty good now that ISIL has vowed to infiltrate the United States via our southern border," Holder bragged. "The Mexican drug cartels are very territorial about what crosses over this border. They won't be too friendly toward ISIL actions that may...

Thirteen years after nearly 3,000 people were killed in Islamic terrorist attacks on US soil, a Palestinian monument has finally been set up to commemorate the event and to honor those who died piloting the aircraft involved. A forty-foot statue of a Boeing 767-200ER crashing into a skyscraper was unveiled this morning in the square amid fanfare and speeches by political and cultural figures calling for continued resistance to Western “colonialism.” A military band played nationalist songs in praise of martyrdom while sweets were distributed to children, and attendees held aloft banners in tribute to the 19 men, mostly Saudi...

Dear Iggy Azalea: I am Anne Gus—journalist, social-justice activist, and reigning Queen of Thought Catalog. I know you’re finding it hard to believe that someone like me would bother writing to someone like you, and I know that you might be a teeny bit starstruck right now, but you’ve, like, been on my radar for a while now and I can’t remain silent about you any longer…I can’t let your atrocities go, like, unchallenged anymore…so congrats, I guess you can consider yourself officially famous now that I’m talking to you…or whatever. Iggy, in many ways we’re very similar people. We’re...

The Department of Justice has fined Culinaire International $20,000 for asking a prospective hiree to provide proof of legal residence. “Demanding that employees show proof of citizenship or legal residence in this country is discriminatory,” Attorney General Eric Holder asserted. “It explicitly contradicts the President’s expressed wishes that all applicants whether in this country legally or not be treated equal.” Holder brushed aside state laws that penalize employers for not verifying residency status as irrelevant. “The possibility that a state may sanction an employer for not conducting such a verification is not my concern,” Holder said. “The fact is Culinare...

Concerned that “unelected persons might defame elected officials,” the New York Board of Elections has declared that no one may criticize a sitting officeholder without first forming a “political action committee.” Executive Director Todd Valentine asserted that “the notion that everyone is free to say whatever they want about members of the government is a misunderstanding of the concept of freedom of speech. If you’re talking about or to another private citizen you can say whatever you want. But if you want to criticize the governor, mayor, or a member of the legislature or city council you need to file...

Citing a paper released this week by the St. Louis Federal Reserve, Vice-President Joe Biden blamed American consumers for the sluggish economy. “The government is doing everything it can to try to stimulate the economy,” Biden contended. “The federal government is spending every dollar it can get its hands on. The Federal Reserve is manufacturing new dollars at an unprecedented pace. But consumers are just sitting on their cash.” “Hoarding cash makes no sense,” the Veep argued. “The dollar’s purchasing power is being diluted on a daily basis by government policies. Spending your dollars before they lose even more value...

In its efforts to minimize collateral damage in its campaign against Hamas terrorists who were launching rocket attacks against Israeli civilians, the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) asked UN “peace keepers” in Gaza to help Palestinian civilians evacuate the combat zone. The UN refused this request. UN spokesperson Penelope Ironside explained that “the idea that civilians should be removed from the battle zone conflicted with the explicit strategy of one of the contending sides. For us to have assisted in their removal would have compromised the UN’s position as a neutral party.” “The conflict between Israel and Hamas is asymmetrical,” Ironside...

Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich), chairman of the Senate’s Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations is preparing a report that will absolve the IRS and Lois Lerner of any wrongdoing in the campaign to target and harass conservative political organizations. “Those who have alleged that Lerner and the IRS took it upon themselves to conduct a vendetta against conservative organizations have it all wrong,” Levin alleged. “Evidence has emerged that the IRS was acting upon urgent requests from highly placed members of the government. Bureaucrats being responsive to the needs of the government is behavior we should be encouraging not punishing.” The highly...

US Secretary of State John Kerry predicted that the Islamic State (also known as ISIS and ISIL) would be destroyed within three years. The means: "massive wrongful death lawsuits." "These thugs might think they're cute filming the decapitation of their victims," Kerry said. "But by putting their torts on record they have opened themselves to legal liability that will cost them billions in damages." "No country on Earth has better or more expensive lawyers than we do," the Secretary boasted. "With skills honed from decades of tormenting corporate defendants in the courtroom, the plaintiffs' bar will eviscerate ISIS's defenses and...

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/furious-obama-says-calls-putin-going-straight-voicemail

The following is an op-ed written by Russian President Vladimir Putin. In recent months I have watched in stunned horror as a group armed with military weapons, trucks, and equipment has moved into and taken over a neighboring country. These disgusting savages who have effectively erased borders that have been in place for many years not only peril the sovereignty of nations, but also threaten to destabilize the entire region. I am of course referring to the terrorist group known as the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIS or ISIL). It is just unbelievable to me that in...