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Bill Clinton for U.N. Secretary-General? The Annan-Clinton intrigue is all the more interesting because of the speculation that a President Kerry would appoint Bill Clinton as secretary-general of the U.N. This story is a repeat of reports during the 2000 election that Clinton had a deal with Al Gore that he would appoint Clinton to the coveted global job if Gore won the presidency. But with Clinton aides and associates holding the purse strings at the DNC and with many of the 527 groups that Kerry will need to finance his last laps until November, Clinton may ask for payback....

Bat Boy has landed, and some of you are going to go ape. Some of you are going to roll your eyes and wonder what all the fuss is about. From Our Advertiser Either way you fall on this ramshackle shaggy dog of a play at Portland Center Stage -- a chicken in the clinches, I flop both ways -- you'll be seeing and hearing a very appealing bunch of singing actors. And you'll be watching the makings of a star. The first thing you notice in "Bat Boy: The Musical" is the striking image of actor Wade McCollum, who...

CASPER, Wyo. (AP) -- The headline raised some eyebrows, but authorities said there's no evidence an alien baby has been found in Casper. According to a story published in The Weekly World News tabloid, local rancher Phil Merleson found a scaly skinned infant on the floor of his barn May 7 after hearing a humming sound emanating from the building. The story added that mysterious lights were seen in the area the previous night. The creature, the paper reported, has two brains and three hearts, is in good health and can produce high-frequency wails capable of shattering glass. Included with...

KUWAIT CITY -- Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has been caught with his pants down -- literally. A shocking 1968 porn film has surfaced, in which the flamboyant strongman appears performing raunchy homosexual acts! The image quality of the grainy 16mm film, uncovered by the Kuwaiti secret police, is poor -- but experts who've taken a close look at the hairy-chested actor are "100 percent certain" it is a younger, trimmer Saddam. "There is no doubt in my mind that this is Saddam -- there's no mistaking those eyes and that distinctive nose," declares Hussein biographer Sadiq al-Sabah of Kuwait, who's...

The Stalled War Christopher Ruddy Friday, March 28, 2003 More than seven days into our new war and the Washington Post is now citing Pentagon sources that this war may last months. Such a conclusion may be premature. But still, the war effort seems stalled and the U.S. is entering the most dangerous phase of the war as we approach Baghdad. Confidence has been replaced with uncertainty, and a cloud of worry looms with the possibility the Iraqis may use weapons of mass destruction. I am not in the anti-war crowd or among the naysayers who want to see doom...

LET'S TURN IRAQ INTO THE WORLD'S LARGEST PRISON! I'm madder than Yasser Arafat at a bar mitzvah over all this jawboning about what to do with Iraq after we kick that cowardly country's butt. President Bush's advisors are saying we may have to occupy the place for a spell. And of course that's got the limp-wristed liberals in a tizzy -- they're scared we won't be able to "control a whole country." Well, I seem to remember us doing a pretty fair job with the Germans and the Japs after World War II. And they had a lot more...

A fish heading for slaughter in a New York market shouted warnings about the end of the world before it was killed, two fish cutters have claimed. Zalmen Rosen, from the Skver sect of Hasidic Jews, said co-worker Luis Nivelo, a Chistian, was about to kill the carp to be made into gelfilte fish in the City's New Square FIsh Market in January when it began shouting in Hebrew. It said 'Tzaruch shemirah' and 'Hasof bah,' Mr. Rosen told the New York TImes newspaper.It essentially means in Hebrew that everyone needs to account for themselves because the end is nigh.

Excuse the vanity, but this has gotten completely ridiculous. Fox News Channel just broke in with a "!This is a Fox News Alert!" to breathlessly announce that Nicolas Cage was getting a divorce. Beam me up, Scotty.