Free Republic

Robertson: Ignorant Remarks Caused by God’s WrathBy Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief, ScrappleFace.com News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher. (2006-01-06) — Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson, who yesterday told viewers that God’s wrath spurred Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s massive stroke, today said his own “ignorant remarks are another manifestation of God’s anger.”The popular TV personality said God punished Mr. Sharon, 77, for dividing the land that God gave to the Israelites, and that Mr. Robertson’s own periodic claims to know the Lord’s motivation behind specific events are part of God’s judgment on the American church.“If Christians would read the Bible,...

September 23, 2005 Poll: Most Americans Not In Iraqby Scott Ott (2005-09-23) -- Hours after a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll revealed that fewer than half of respondents believe the U.S. can win the war in Iraq, a second survey showed that more than 99 percent of Americans are not in Iraq, and almost as many form opinions about the war based exclusively on what they learn from CNN, USA Today and other news organizations. Of the 818 Americans telephoned by pollsters, according to an unnamed Gallup spokesman, roughly zero percent are currently stationed in Iraq, where about 150,000 U.S. troops...

The White House communications team scrambled this morning to explain how President George Bush accidentally delivered a rejected draft speech in New Orleans last night on national TV. White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett said he still does not know how the text of an address he had personally rejected as "too DNC" wound up in the president's hands last night. Many Republicans reacted in shock as all of America heard Mr. Bush promising a series of federal interventions and taxpayer-cash infusions that they said will accelerate the growth of the budget deficit, postpone the administration's commitment to tax cuts...

(2005-09-02) -- President George Bush issued new orders today designed to deal with hurricane victims trapped in New Orleans and the gangs of looters roaming the city's streets. "I've directed FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers to take two immediate actions," said Mr. Bush as he stepped off Marine One after his helicopter tour of the ravaged region. "Our plan is simple, and can be expressed in just nine words: Rescue the refugees, then fill it to the brim." The president explained that he had great compassion for those stranded at the increasingly unsanitary New Orleans convention center without...

Fears increased today among hundreds of thousands of refugees from the hurricane-ravaged gulf coast as they faced a Labor Day weekend with little hope of an eloquent speech from President George Bush. As today's New York Times editorial indicated, the president "gave one of the worst speeches of his life yesterday, especially given the level of national distress and the need for words of consolation and wisdom". Instead, the president devoted his first major post-Katrina address to laying out what the federal government is actually doing to help with disaster recovery. One New Orleans man, currently living in the 'Plaza...

(2005-08-04) -- Encouraged by their close loss in this week's special election for a vacant House seat in Ohio, the Democrat National Committee (DNC) has mapped a 50-state "virtual victory" strategy for 2006 and 2008. "It feels so good to almost win," said DNC chairman Howard Dean. "We now believe we can rally our base around the hope of down-to-the-wire losses in traditionally Republican districts coast-to-coast." While the concept of virtual victory is familiar to the party that nearly won the presidency in 2000 and 2004, this is the first time the DNC will stake millions of dollars on advertising...

(2005-07-16) -- With hopes for a second Supreme Court vacancy crushed by Chief Justice William Rehnquist's plans to serve until three years after his own death, the White House has narrowed the search for a nominee to replace the retiring Sandra Day O'Connor to a short list of conservative conjoined twins. "President Bush is eager to pack the court with right-wing ideologues," said an unnamed White House source. "Since we only get to nominate one right now, we think we can make a strong case for replacing O'Connor with conjoined twins. It's one set of DNA, so technically that's one...

Many Republicans probably voted for George Bush dozens, if not hundreds, of times in 2004, according to Democrat party Chairman Howard Dean, "by taking advantage of the fact that Democrat poll workers have difficulty distinguishing individuals from among a crowd of white Christians." "Thanks to their pale skin, round eyes and khaki trousers, Republicans just blend in," said Mr. Dean. "So they vote, get in the back of the line and vote again. And because they've never made an honest living in their lives, they could do that all day long." The party chief announced that the Democrat National Committee...

Republican Senators, who yesterday confirmed President Bush's appointment of Judge Janice Rogers Brown to the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, today expressed shock at learning that the California Supreme Court justice is black. The revelation comes in same week that Democrat party Chairman Dr. Howard Dean released his research showing that Republicans, and especially their leaders, "all look the same" because they're "white Christians". "I'm concerned about how this is going to play with the white base," said an unnamed Republican Senator upon learning of Judge Brown's non-mainstream race. "I feel betrayed by President Bush, who has now managed to...

News reports of terrorist bombings in Iraq were marred Sunday by shocking graphic images of Iraqi "insurgents" voting by the millions in their first free democratic election. Despite reporters' hopes that a well-orchestrated barrage of mortar attacks and suicide bombings would put down the so-called 'freedom insurgency', hastily-formed battalions of rebels swarmed polling places to cast their ballots -- shattering the status quo and striking fear into the hearts of the leaders of the existing terror regime. Hopes for a return to the stability of tyranny waned as rank upon rank of Iraqi men and women filed out of precinct...

2004-10-11) -- Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today announced the details of his plan to completely eliminate the nuisance of terrorism. "I have a plan," said Mr. Kerry, "to create a do-not-terrorize list that Americans could sign up for on the internet. And if any terrorist would flout the law and attack someone whose name is on the list, he and his terror cell would be slammed with a $1,000 fine for each person killed and $500 for each injured survivor." Mr. Kerry, who is also a U.S. senator, announced the plan after receiving international acclaim for telling The...

I've been looking for a genuinely humorous, intelligent satire site with a conservative bent for a while. I usually read The Onion, but have been put off lately by it's rabid liberalism (they underwent some changes in staff and received some investment from East Coast newsmedia companies which has seriously shifted their political views to the Left). To my pleasant surprise, I stumbled on a site that's a conservative alternative and just as funny. A lot of satire done with a political edge is so bitter that it doesn't strike me as funny. But ScrappleFace has done a good job....