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Last Update: Friday, September 16, 2005. 12:18pm (AEST) Man builds up 30,000 volts of static electricity Victorian authorities believe a man built up at least 30,000 volts of static electricity in his jacket simply by walking around the western Victorian city of Warrnambool yesterday. The man left a trail of scorch marks and molten plastic behind him. It was yesterday afternoon when Frank Clewer walked into a Warrnambool business and got his first shock. "It sounded almost like a firecracker or something like that," he said. "It was at the reception area. Within say, around five minutes, the carpet started...

It's a San Francisco Fire Department tale that might be comical if it wasn't so serious: An off-duty captain whose car wound up in a Marin County ditch has been charged with driving under the influence -- then pulling a fake heart attack to avoid getting busted. According to the California Highway Patrol, Mark Donnelly's troubles started when his rented Chevy Malibu shot off Sir Francis Drake Boulevard in western Marin County and got stuck in a culvert at about 9:30 p.m. June 4. CHP spokesman Juan Leon said sheriff's deputies, who were the first to arrive, described Donnelly as...

TheBigB has given me the go-ahead to put up this weeks OFST. Thanks, B! Hurry back! Last week we had some rough spots, so R-Q-TEK86 had the following ground-rules suggestion for this weeks thread: By entering this silly thread, I promise to… Honor the spirit of silliness. Eat Spam, eggs, Spam, Spam and Spam. Not ask to see any of Jersey Republican Biker Chick’s body parts. Stand on my desk, flap my arms and make sounds like a chicken. Spew milk through my nose at something ArGee posts. Make at least one blonde joke. Post a joke that makes people...

MIDI - HATS OF TO LARRY We have all been screwed big time...by scumbag Grayout Davis One candidate's very sensuous...she has come forward to save us Pants off for Mary...don't be a fo-oo-ool With her as governor, it...would be so co-oo-ool If it is la-ate...and you...do not have yourself a da-ate Mary Carey's sure to come through for you She will get you aroused You'll like the things she has espoused Mary Carey, I'm voting for you-oo-oo-oo Pants off for Mary...don't be a fo-oo-ool With her as governor, it...would be so co-oo-ool She will please your eyes...oh, my...are you...

MIDI - DO YA THINK I'M SEXY I like to bake…my name's Martha Stewart Someone's trying to drag me in the sewer I did no wrong…I'm being persecuted Those after me are really quite deluded Do ya think I'm sexy…do ya like my cookies There is more where that came from I can certify I've got no Cooper's Droopers Come on here and get you some They dig for sex, Drudge is now reporting They got my e-mails…with Flynt they'll be consorting They know that I am hot and cannot hide their arousal Causing grief when arguments are spousal...

NOTE: Although a very big business deal is being worked on this weekend as I fight the terrorist b*stards, I am heartbroken that I won't get to meet Laura in Vegas. Mrs. DFU knows that I think she is really hot so she isn't heartbroken at all. Yeah, she is hot-looking all right, but her most endearing feature is a caustic wit. ===================================== MIDI - TELL LAURA I LOVE HER She's heard each day on the radio…we cheer --- Laura, way to go! She is the liberals'…worst nightmare…they all fear her show Always mocking witch Hillary…and, of course, Teddy Kennedy...

MIDI - DOWN UNDER Charlotte is a cute Aussie who's hot She was at the bar and doing shooters There is a man who is a real scumbag She caught him staring at her hooters Bill told her, "Yes, I'm known as the x-42 It's babes like you that I plunder My thing's small but I have a big desk That is the place that I'd like you under" She said, "I have heard all about you Oh, yes, you are known as the Sinkmaster You really had screwed up your country Historians will call you a real disaster"...