Free Republic

BRAM STOKER’S HILLARY NOTES FROM A HILLARY HATER’S HANDBOOK (REVISITED) © by Norman Liebmann Preamble: To paraphrase an old song, old vampires never die, they just run for President. The proliferation of the Clintons and the Bushes raises the question of whether we will have to tent the White House to deal with this infestation. Some bat control experts refer to one method of thinning the recent presidential vampire population as “deathnic cleansing”. Is Hillary Clinton a vampire? She doesn’t deny it, and that is a standard of proof that has stood up in many courts of the land. Let...

POLITICS PIECEMEAL © IN DRIBS AND DRABS by Norman Liebmann To nobody’s surprise, Hillary Clinton did not play the gender card at the last Democrat Debate. She played the bitch card. (Moderator Wolf Blitzer has changed CNN from the Clinton News Network to the Cowardly News Network.) The Laboratory Report is in: Arnold Schwarzenegger has tested positive for socialism. Another formidable reason to build the fence between the U.S. and Mexico: Just about every place the Spanish conquistadores came ashore in the Western Hemisphere is a dictatorship today. Bill Clinton is a kind of semi-erect Kevin Federline. There is a...

HILLARY CLINTON © A BITCH FOR ALL SEASONS by Norman Liebmann Recently Hillary Clinton returned to her alma mater to address the alumnae, sometimes called “the Stratford Bimbos” at Wellesley’s Auditorium for small talk aptly named “Amoeba Hall”. Hillary’s appearance there was, presumably, to give that institution another coat of withering condescension. The occasion coincided with Wellesely’s nomination of their Woman of the Year by The Dildo Press - sometimes called The Nag Stream Media. Wellesley is said to be the college that offers a course in Mean-Spirited Estrogenics - which is a kind of chutzpa at floodtide. It is...

HILLARY: WICCAN OF WELLESLEY © (HEX APPEAL) by Norman Liebmann Bill Clinton had ambitions to run for a third term, and, as an inducement for Hillary’s support, offered to name her First Lady for Life - but as he confided friends, “The witch wouldn’t buy it”. Hence, Hillary is Bill’s final insult to America, and, hopefully, not America’s final insult to him. It’s been said, the graduating coven of associate witches at Wellesley chipped in and presented Hillary with an assortment of Teflon crucibles in which to brew her poverty porridge and other socialist salmagundi. Her mixtures seethe and bubble...

MOMMIE DEAREST FOR PRESIDENT HILLARY CLINTON: THE ARKANCURSE - PART 2 © by Norman Liebmann In consideration of the cynicism of the muddled electorate, the cowardice of the Congress, and the complicity of the press, liberalism became sick of itself and elected a succession of Death Wish Presidents. The rotation of the Bush/Clinton “Now It’s My Turn” presidency is sordid and criminal. This political cynicism has now approached its synthesis in the person of Hillary Clinton. We are witnessing the revolting spectacle of Bill Clinton pimping his wife’s way into the Presidency. Bill is handing Hillary the keys to our...

TRASH TRAFFIC © SEPARATING THE MUCK FROM THE MALARKY by Norman Liebmann As a follow up to her book that proposes it takes a village to raise a child, Hillary Clinton has a new primer in contemplation that suggests it takes a ghetto to elect a President”. (Incidentally, does this latest episode with the Chinese bagman, Norman Hsu, reaffirm the adage that money is the root of all Clintons?). Sean Penn took advantage of his Toronto Film Festival appearance to reprimand the Press. Penn has to be pretty dumb not to realize that not only does the media get the...

CELEBRATING MEDIOCRITY LESS THAN ORDINARY – AND LOVING IT © by Norman Liebmann All that you need is a plaque with his name on the ruins of the collapsed Interstate 35w Bridge in Minnesota and you have the appropriate Wellstone Memorial. If NASA, America’s barnstorming space agency, added up the cost of its doing somersaults in weightlessness – each cavort in space would cost the equivalent of fourteen centuries of maintaining a single family of illegal aliens on Welfare. NASA doesn’t deal in bargains. State Department functionaries complain that the Middle East crisis is taking up so much of their...

BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON ANOTHER TAXICAB CONFESSION (redux) © by Norman Liebmann The nation endures a continuity of Clintons and Bushes with no relief in sight. After Bill came George and now we are threatened with Hillary - a calamity followed by a lobotomy followed by an atrocity. Inside Hillary Clinton’s breast is an extraterrestrial alien so vicious it makes the one hosted by Ellen Ripley seem like a cocker spaniel. Neither surgery nor cathartic is able to purge the Clintons from the body politic. The Clintons continue to exercise their unique and irresistible charisma - Bill’s smile that turns...

FIRING AT WILL © HOMEGROWN TARGETS by Norman Liebmann Muslims would not need special facilities everywhere to wash their feet before they pray - if they would take better aim before they urinate. Bill Clinton will be the only ex-President to place a wreath on The Tomb of the Unknown Philanderer. In Clinton’s case adultery is its own reward. The fact that illegal aliens will do the work that Americans won’t do doesn’t guarantee they’ll show up to do it. Should Hillary win the Presidency, the Oval Office will be closed on Tuesday. That’s the day Hillary visits her herpetologist....

JUST ASKIN’: XLI © QUESTIONS THAT GIVE ASPIRINS MIGRAINES by Norman Liebmann Just askin’: If the doctor who performed Bush’s colonoscopy had grabbed Dubya by the esophagus and pulled him inside out, would it reveal why he sends Border Patrol Officers to prison and millionaire drug smugglers to Acapulco for r ‘n’ r? Just askin’: What do Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan do on New Years Eve? Just askin’: Now that Elizabeth Edwards quit tangerines does she plan to go on methadone? (I always thought a tangerine was a product of an interracial marriage – or is that...

MUDDLING ALONG IN THE UNIVERSE A RANDOM REPORT © by Norman Liebmann Perhaps Fred Thompson will explain why actors who are basically exhibitionists turn coy when asked to run for President. Minnesota sent America a Muslim Congressman named Keith. Presumably his dog’s name is Jamal and it slathers with rabid ambition to blow up the Westminster Kennel Club. General Petraes should not have any difficulty finding the enemy. They are deployed at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue. CBS network execs have concluded there are two excellent reasons for replacing Katie Couric with Bob Barker. He’s available and, unlike Couric, people...

JUST ASKIN’ XL THE ANSWERS ARE STILL BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND © by Norman Liebmann Just askin’: Considering Al Gore as the profligate waster of the Earth’s resources, shouldn’t his idolaters anoint him with the name Conan the Consumer? Now that Gore is so fanatic about saving the environment why was he silent when the rock and roll freaks were turning Woodstock into a lunar landscape? And did his latest “Save the planet” rock and roll bash prove, what America needs most is a virus that attacks the central nervous system of electric guitars? Just askin’: Now that Cindy Sheehan...

ALMOST NOTHING GOOD TO SAY – ABOUT ANYBODY Part X © by Norman Liebmann Those Muslim terrorists who pulled into a filling station and asked the attendant how many gallons of gasoline they would need to blow up an airport were stuck for an answer when the attendant asked, “Unleaded, Regular or Supreme?” Britain’s new Prime Minister Gordon Brown admonishes people that they shouldn’t refer to Muslims as terrorists. Looks like Neville Chamberlain is back in town. Al Gore hasn’t figured it out yet, but what he considers a bad climate for the planet is actually a good day for...

GEORGE W. BUSH - MEGAMORON AMERICA’S LAMEST DUCK © by Norman Liebmann Reflecting on Jimmy Carter’s Habitat for Humbug, Bush’s Open Borders, and Bill Clinton’s Open Zippers, it is a mercy that The Soprano’s series ended before Tony’s murky-minded son, A.J., could grow up to be President. The nation is in enough trouble, not the least of which is the Bush scheme for hemispheric Mexificiation. Bill Clinton made our capital into The District of Decadence, a laboratory for culturing liberals and lice. Under his purview, corruption became ambience and greed became “local color”. Under Bush Washington has not recovered. Clinton’s...

THE GRUDGE REPORT © WITH APOLOGIES TO MATT DRUDGE by Norman Liebmann In order to be employed on a television series, every writer is obliged to follow one inflexible rule, i.e. nothing should happen for the first time – and if it should, it shouldn’t be now. Either the inestimable David Chase didn’t get the memo – or he chose to ignore it, for which the viewing public owes him a debt of gratitude. At his behest, The Sopranos didn’t end, it just quit, and that was as final as finality ever gets. For those people who are offended by...

ALMOST NOTHING GOOD TO SAY – ABOUT ANYBODY PART IX © by Norman Liebmann The nearest the two parties have come to agreement is, the Democrats don’t want to fight wars and the Republicans don’t want to win them. The Republicans won’t take yes for an answer and the Democrats cannot resist the sweet smell of surrender. This may be the right time to schedule a series of television debates between The Donald and Rosie. It could be called Trump versus Frump. Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villagairosa wanted to give the city of Los Angeles a Spanish name until he...

ALMOST NOTHING GOOD TO SAY – ABOUT ANYBODY – Part VIII © by Norman Liebmann First Twiggy drops out of sight, and now Tony Blair retires. How can the British Empire sustain such losses? Jimmy Carter should have a vasectomy performed on his vocal cords. Carter would re-crucify Jesus as a gesture of good will toward Islam. Who better to hammer in the first nail? Future paleontologists will record the present invasion of illegal aliens as descended from a prehistoric species known as Tyrannosaurus Mex. Eleanor Clift says Bush is right on immigration. He can’t get much more wrong-er than...

STATIC FROM THE ATTIC © NOTES OF AN UNHAPPY CAMPER by Norman Liebmann During The War of 1812 British soldiers burned Washington D.C. to the ground. Where are the Red Coats now that we need them? George Bush’s much-advertised “new tone” degenerated into the mucous that is Washington politics. His moral collapse on the illegal immigration issue has earned him the title Capitulator-in-Chief. Bush double-crossed the Republican base on securing our southern border. Apparently Texas can breed whores as well as heifers. I find myself in grudging sympathy with Cindy Sheehan. I would not have considered that possible. (On this...

JUST ASKIN’: XXXlX CLOSING THE QUANTUM LOOP © by Norman Liebmann Just askin’: Isn’t it time we started building an asylum in Washington for the Incorrigibly Compassionate? Just askin’: Shouldn’t they make a movie about the panelists on “The View “and call it “The Charge of the Spite Brigade”? And shouldn’t Barbara Walters hire a TV Director with a degree in Gynecology to give us an alternate view of the panel? Just askin’: In the best of all possible worlds, will the swarthy people of Islam blow themselves to swarthereens? Just askin’: Now that shock-jock Don Imus’ career has been...

JUST ASKIN’ XXXVIII – QUERIES IN QUICKSAND © by Norman Liebmann Just askin’: Is the recent vote of whether or not the United States should surrender in Iraq indicative of just how many shades of yellow there are among the Democrats in Congress? Just askin’: Is Hillary’s threat to appoint Bill Clinton Ambassador to the World the most obscene use of destructive personal influence since Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles? And would it surprise anyone if that famous celebrity-humper, Yoko, were to marry that famous Irish hip hop Third World do-gooder and become Yoko Ono Bono? Just askin’: Does...