JUST ASKIN' XL - THE ANSWERS ARE STILL BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

Just askin’: Considering Al Gore as the profligate waster of the Earth’s resources, shouldn’t his idolaters anoint him with the name Conan the Consumer? Now that Gore is so fanatic about saving the environment why was he silent when the rock and roll freaks were turning Woodstock into a lunar landscape? And did his latest “Save the planet” rock and roll bash prove, what America needs most is a virus that attacks the central nervous system of electric guitars?

Just askin’: Now that Cindy Sheehan is contemplating a run for “Grossie” Pelosi’s seat in Congress should the nation brace itself for “The Battle of the Bimbos”?

Just askin’: Is Congress’ repeatedly raising the minimum wage what keeps making the population explosion a chain reaction?

Just askin’: Why doesn’t the ACLU defend the rights of people who just want to be free as enthusiastically as they defend the rights of people who just want to “get it on” with underage armadillos?

Just askin’: Now that the moribund news source is going under should CNN stand for Cable Necrophile News?

Just askin’: Do Muslim doctors make house calls to people who want to get blown up or do they require potential victims to come to their offices to get detonated?

Just askin’: Is it true Hanan Ashrawi’s jallabo mole, recently removed, is now in a display case in the Clinton Library? What a turn on!

Just askin’: Can South Korea be counted on to come to America’s aid in keeping the Democrats from turning the United States into another North Korea?

Just askin’: Will Bush depart from the White House leaving even one Democrat’s ass un-kissed?

Just askin’: Should foot fetishist Dick Morris be analyzed by a Doctor of Psycho-podiatry?

Just askin’: Do strangers in gay bars slap each other for failing to get fresh?

Just askin’: Does Madonna consider it one-upmanship on Jesus that she was crucified on a rhinestone-studded crucifix?

Just askin’: Will mother’s who notice the carbon footprints send their children to bed without their supper for tracking up the planet?

Just askin’: Of all the people who keep saying “Been there – done that”, how many have actually been there and done that?

Just askin’: Which will come first to Bill Clinton, his sterility, his senility, or the story in the New York Times denying both?

Just askin’: Will some perceptive entomologist please look into his microscope and tell us what kind of a bug Dennis Kucinich is?

Just askin’: Will Bill and Hillary be the first co-impeachment occupants of the White House?

Just askin’: How come nobody tells illegal aliens that the jobs they sneak into America to do those Americans have already been outsourced to China?

Just askin’: Is the reason that Mexicans are flooding hospital emergency rooms what’s causing the emergency? Are they just hanging around there hoping to catch diseases American won’t contract?

Just askin’: Has the cheering died down at Howard University yet over the news that O.J. Simpson was acquitted? Good Lord, that was ugly!

Just askin’: When did Rasputin drop the Ras and shorten his name to Putin? And since Putin became the top guy in Russia, has arsenic become a standard ingredient in the recipe for borscht?

Just askin’: Are left wing permissive parents convinced that bedwetting is beneficial because it discourages children from urinating on the floor?

Just askin’: Have Africans decided whether Bono or Bob Geldof is their greatest benefactor – and do all white benefactors look alike to them?

Just askin’: Does Bill Clinton’s determination to remain in the political spotlight raise the question of whether it’s Constitutional to impeach ex-Presidents?

Just askin’: Has American industry decided the success of the economy in China is due to their ability to connect the dots between high tech and low tech?

Just askin’: What will it profit Iran to threaten Israel with extinction that has nukes targeted on every capital city in Islam? (They might as well just put their missiles in reverse.)

Just askin’: Why does a homosexual insist there is nothing wrong with being a fag but shows up with a lawyer if someone calls him one?

Just askin’: Is the reason that the interrogators at the Hanoi Hilton never got anything out of John McCain is because they were afraid of getting him angry?

Just askin’: Has the mainstream media succeeded in demonstrating that in journalism the only thing more powerful than the truth is the half-truth?

Just askin’: Are the Clintons the template for why politics will never became a noble profession?

Just askin’: Is Vermont where stressed-out hairdressers, choreographers and interior decorators go for R ‘n’ R?

Just askin’: Doesn’t “Jim-mah Cah-tah” lament the fact that in his native state of Georgia his fellow rednecks lynched blacks and not Jews?

Just askin’: Is "not showing up” the Hollywood celebrities’ greatest contribution to political rallies?

Just askin’: Will Jesse Jackson ever turn up a minority too destitute for him to exploit?

Just askin’: Does it seem reasonable to conclude the dinosaurs left Jurassic Park after it became a sanctuary area for illegal aliens?

Just askin’: Is same-sex marriage the barometer by which we measure how far behind we have outdistanced normality?

Just askin’: Does the Bush family know that their sucking up to the Clintons just increases the number of defections from a Republican base already in flight?

Just askin’: Will Jane Fonda lead a contingent of Hollywood stars to entertain the Viet Cong guerillas at The Hanoi Canteen?

Just askin’: Will our troops be allowed to return to fighting the war only after Geraldo Rivera gets through having his picture taken standing in front of every American military unit in Iraq?

Just askin’: Will Bush order that the borders be patrolled by welcome wagons, and will he pass out maps to Mexican criminals showing all the convenience stores in America that don’t have surveillance cameras?

Just askin’: Will Fred Thompson get the Republican Presidential nomination for President because he can, or will Duncan Hunter get it because he should?

Just askin’: If Harry Reid understood what he is talking about, would he be even more pissed off than he is now?

Just askin’: Why don’t we send Alan Greenspan to advise China how to get their economy to collapse and make their money as worthless as it was in the good old days?

Just askin’: Is there a chance the Clinton’s most loyal constituency will change the name of the party to The Barackocrats?

Just askin’: Were the Arabs forced to leave the Middle East and migrate to Europe because maggots and Muslims can’t live in the same place at the same time?

Just askin’: More Gore: After Al rescues the Earth from global warming, is he going to save the galaxy’s Milky Way from curdling?

Just askin’: Based on their indecision of what they want to be called - “blacks”, “negros”, “coloreds”, “people of hue”, instead of Af-ro Americans, should they call themselves If-ro Americans?

Just askin’: Why haven’t we heard any senile utterances from Walter Cronkite lately? Did he screw his yachting cap on too tight?

Just askin’: As an inducement for Rosie O’Donnell to take over from Bob Barker, did CBS offer to change the name of the game show from The Price is Right to “Guess My Sex”? And incidentally, if someone painted Rosie gray would people mistake her for a Quonset hut?

Just askin’: Will Vermont change its state motto to Happiness Is Never Finding a Toilet Seat Up?

Just askin’: Did Pancho Villa turn to banditry because he believed that it was a job that Americans like John Dillinger wouldn’t do? And is our government welcoming illegal aliens into America because they are needed to commit crimes that Americans who are in prison aren’t at liberty to commit?

Just askin’: Now that Seattle is giving free apartments to hardcore alcoholics and street bums, the city father’s are faced with the question, “Are their fleas considered household pets”?

Just askin’: Is the French Army’s Medical Corps trained to administer pedicures under battlefield conditions?

Just askin’: How is it deceased Arabs ever get buried when Arab grave diggers can’t manage to hold a shovel, an AK47, and their noses at the same time?

Just askin’: Are prospective delegates to the Democrat Convention making the rounds of Post Offices and putting up Unwanted Posters with John Kerry’s picture on them?

Just askin’: Are the people who say celebrities have no real function ever entered Paris Hilton’s name in a search engine on the Internet? And is it possible that Leonardo Di Caprio and Paris Hilton is the same spoiled little girl?

Just askin’: What language is that at which Jesse Jackson is so spectacularly inarticulate?

Just askin’: Now that the Duke University “la crotch” team fiasco is over, will strippers in North Carolina who cry “rape” be required in court to produce Proof of Nudity – and where will they carry it?

Just askin’: Will putting Bill and Hillary back in the White House be tantamount to a Milli Vanilli Administration?

Just askin’: Will Israel’s Prime Minister Ehud Olmert succeed in turning Jews into lemmings and lead them to commit racial suicide where previous Jewish leaders failed?

Just askin’: Is the reason Bill Clinton never campaigned in Tombstone, Arizona for fear that the gunfight at the OK Corral might still be in progress?

Just askin’: Can there be any doubt that it is the real bigots who see bigotry everywhere?

Just askin’: Can you remember when “cut and run“ was the motto for a mohel with a heavy case load?

Just askin’: Wouldn’t it be sweet music to our ears to hear the Iranian mullahs shouting “Incoming!”?

Just askin’: Can you remember when “cut and run“ was the motto for a mohel with a heavy case load?

LOL!

Just for that, here's a favorite story I got from Leo Rosten: A man going down the city street stopped in front of a display window that had nothing in it but a clock. Thinking it might be worth investigating, he went inside.

A bell on the door rang and a man (evidently the baleboss or proprietor) came out.

"Yes, sir, can I help you?"

"I wanted to ask, how much would you charge to clean my watch?"

"Oh, I don't fix watches. I'm a mohel."

"You're a mohel? Then what's with the clock in the display window?"

"So what would YOU put in the window?"

“What do they pack Styrofoam in?’

Sheets of plastic air bubbles. Don’t ask me what they ship air bubbles in, ‘cause I don’t know.

” Does Madonna consider it one-upmanship on Jesus that she was crucified on a rhinestone-studded crucifix?”

She failed in the end, though. When they took her down from the cross and put her in the burial cave, the only rolling stone they could find to seal it was Keith Richards, who is too old for the part.

“How come nobody tells illegal aliens that the jobs they sneak into America to do those Americans have already been outsourced to China?”

That reminds me. I have to go pick up my lawn today. It’s just back from being mowed.

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