Mudboy Slim
by FreeTheHostages
Here on Free Republic, there is a fine line between Republicans posting drunk and Libertarians posting sober. I realized this for real when I discovered Mudboy Slim's posts. Was he joking? Would it be less scarey and interesting if he wasn't joking? These are questions that many who encounter his posts are prone to ask.
He's been gracing our Freeper's Finest thread for a while now, so it's time for a proper introduction to Mudboy Slim. Indeed, it's time for an unauthorized biography -- I believe a new genre for this thread. But hey, you asked for volunteer guest hosts and I guess you can't be picky. So, with apologies to Bob Woodward, here is my highly accurate, highly telepathic account of Mudboy Slim. What's the real story behind those brilliant reworked song lyrics you see him post? What about the exuberance and the practical jokes that make one nostalgic for Junior High School? And is it really true that he'll be hosting a big party at his house with free drinks during the CPAC conference?
C'mon, join in! If you're owed money by Mud (and who here isn't?) or just in the mood for some holiday roast Mud, pile on! Read this highly accurate account of Mudboy Slim and add your own poignant memories of Mudboy Slim's youth and adult political adventures to this lore. Then without further ado, let us begin, on the What, Where, How, When, and especially WHY of Mudboy Slim.
II. Mudboy Slim's Adolescence: The Roller Derby Years and A Very Dirty Neighborhood Prank
According to a highly placed source (OK, someone who posted here), for some time in the 1970s, Mudboy was involved in the Roller Derby. (Our source adds that "Mud's the one that told him this, so it may be embellished a bit.") He was wildly successful. His roller derby career earned the fortune that now allows him to write/rework the lyrics of popular songs to reflect his conservative/libertarian views in contravention of this nation's copyright laws.
Mudboy in his early days, (notice the baby fat) wore the #36 jersey of the Richmond Renegades.
Shortly after the above photo was taken, Mud went on a diet and was soon traded to.......the Petersburg Patriots,
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where he became a star member of the team.
It is with the Patriots that Mud made his vast fortune; which allowed him the small indulgence of buying the house of his dreams.....
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He shares this manse in the line that time forgot, Richmond Virginia, with his better half, Mrs. Mud, and all the little Mudrats. It looks substantially better from the back.
But apparently the fortune did not last . . . . Several Freepers, including ChadGore, Chad Fairbanks, Landru, and dubyagee, claim that Mudboy Slim owes them $ or at least an Ann Coulter book. Something about being denied a prize in a contest, which gives you a fair idea of the amount of trouble this guy can cause here. Actually, no it doesn't - he can cause MUCH more, but that will be the subject of our Part III below.
But what about the name? Ah, yes the name. Well, as our introductory photograph suggests, Mudboy Slim got his name due to his daring-do in a little known field in Virginia called "the mudpits." There, many of his neighbors and friends decided to play a practical joke by claiming that they liked to belly-flop in mud. They all got themselves Muddy, and then invited Mudboy along, and Mudboy took the bait. The rest is history. Mudboy realized that in fact he really enjoyed this activity. To this day, after a 'specially heated discussion with a liberal progressive, Muddy (as he is known to his many fans on Free Republic) likes to just go SPLAT!
Lurking behind the surname "Slim" is an even dirtier tale. I was in a dingy Mississippi Delta bar last year, and I overheard this old black bluesman whispering about a "Howlin' Harp" northerner who got his moniker of "Slim" by selling his "vote" to a DemocRAT named "Slick" in some Arkansas blues joint return for incomparable musical ability. Slick gave Mudboy the name "Slim."
III. Mudboy Slim's "Adulthood:" The FREEPER years
Mudboy Slim has opinions and he gets them from Rush!! Tom Daschle was talking about Mudboy Slim recently! Ok, not really, Mudboy Slim has his own opinions, but, like Rush, he has his favorite hobby well-defined. You can't travel far in a Freepers Finest thread without encountering the warning: Whuppin' Lib'rals is a favorite pasttime of mine...MUD. Or his oft-repeated comment that parents are the real heroes. We have to think the Mudrats are being raised Right. Said Mudrats (of which he and the Missus are inordinately proud!) being his seven-year-old daughter, JessieLee, and JakeyBoy, his four-year-old son.
With as much seriousness as we can muster, we do note: Mudboy Slim is serious about being a conservative activist. He lives near Richmond, VA, but he travels to DC regularly for DC Freeps. He loved attending CPAC last year ; and will be there again this year. Here's a photo of our subject -- no really, you've waded through this muck this far; you're entitled to a REAL photo of him counter-protesting against anti-capitalist protestors:
Mudboy also maintains the "Black Thread" posts, which are hard to describe but easy to experience.
On the biographical front, Mudboy Slim has other forms of fun, as evidenced by the occasional references to liquor in his post, the existence of "MudRats" in his "MudCave," and his regular attendance at fun DC counterprotests against various anti-Americans who periodically invade our nation's capital. Despite all the fun and all the exuberance, those with a more button-down approach need not doubt the strength of his conviction on his political beliefs. This fact perhaps sums it all up: the night before a big DC Freep, he was so excited about going that he was having trouble sleeping. Now *that's* political enthusiasm. And as many of you saw on CSPAN, Mud came rapidly to the aid of Tglstakoma during the Patriots Rally II, keeping the left at bay with shouts and gestures, protecting Tglstakoma until the police could arrest two rabble-rousing leftists.
Mudboy Slim has not wasted his hard-won musical talents. He's got musical equipment and plays in a band and thinks and talks about music A LOT. All of us have enjoyed his reworked lyrics here on Free Republic. Even if it's a tune you don't know, the lyrics are fun to read. He does lead vocals and keyboard performances for his band.
The author of this unauthorized biography notes that she doesn't know Mudboy Slim very well except as someone who makes this place fun. Those few readers who have straggled this far may strongly suspect that portions of this biography aren't up to the highest standards of journalistic integrity you've come to expect from FR'S Finest. That's for the better. We had help via a vanity thread where Mudboy Slim's fans shared their remembrances of his youth, and the enthusiasm with which people lept in to share their own fictional rembrances confirms the author's impression that many Freepers think Mudboy Slim is fun, fun, fun, and enjoy the cheerful vibe he imparts to this and many other threads. As one poster of the bio preparation thread said to me, noting Mudboy wasn't then logged in, "You have a head start on Mudboy Slim, but I don't think it's enough. Since I'm doing this from a distance, ping if you need some close air support. #;^) Here's to responsible journalism!"
Besides, the vigorous, decidedly and exuberantly liberal-whoopin' stance of Mudboy Slim cannot be explained by a purely biographical approach. It has to be, rather, sung. And so we'd like to close out our biography with one of Mudboy Slim's new lyrics to an old tune . . . .
Here's one of the Freepers' favorites. Let's all sing together, shall we? (Don't worry if you don't know the tune -- just launch forward and bellow. This, we are reliably informed, is how Mudboy does his vocals.)
"Vile Forces"
(To be sung to the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses")
Bill thinks this Country is easy to fool,
Abusing his power, obstructing the truth!
Shameless traitor, Presidency's a sham,
You know we can't let this High Treason stand!
Vile forces hold Bill's critics at bay,
But wild, wild horses couldn't drive me away!
America's sufferin' a dull, achin' pain,
Networks can't hide it, their power has waned.
No explanation, no compromise...
Will make us feel better until Slick resigns.
Vile forces try to lead us astray...
Lib'ral "choices" drain our freedoms away!
It must concern you, Bill's sins and his lies,
But now Slick's beholden to his Communist spies.
Our faith's been broken, Bill must be tried,
He'll rot in prison to pay for his crimes!
Vile forces try to excuse it away,
Democrat voices remain silent today.
Vile forces mustn't lead us astray...
Righteous forces, they'll triumph someday!!
Muchas Gracias...MUD
Finally, it's perhaps music to all of our ears to hear that in a recent post, Mudboy Slim encouraged every one to attend CPAC. As Mudboy Slim would/has/will say:
FReepers, we must, and WE SHALL.........
RE-IMPEACH..... CONVICT..... DETHRONE.....
DISBAR.... DE-PENSION.... DE-LEGITIMIZE....
INDICT.. CONVICT.. IMPRISON.. DISCARD KEY.
Please join your fellow FReepers in Washington, DC for the CPAC Convention (January 30-February 2, 2003)!!
FReegards...MUD
BTW...SlumberParty at Mudboy Slim's House!! Free Drinks.
I'm going to kill FreeTheHostages for Making Up These Fake Party Invitations, BTW. WOOO HOOO
Congratulations to MudboySlim....
And Special Thanks to our GuestWriter....
(Enjoyed working on this presentation with you!)
Here's Mud in yer eye!
~ Billie
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A Few of FR's Finest.....
