The Top 10 Lies Happy Husbands Tell

MSN/Redbook ^ | 01/04/06 | Keith Blanchard

[misterrob]

You want to know the truth? Guys lie -- occasionally, compulsively, desperately. We certainly don't have a monopoly on lying, and I've seen women pull off some whoppers, but we men, over centuries of tinkering, have developed hardy, scrutiny-resistant strains. In the interests of furthering intergender understanding, I talked real guys into identifying, and explaining, their biggest lies.

"Sure, honey, that dress looks fine."
"I can fix it."
"I was not looking at her boobs."
"Nothing's wrong."
"I tried to call you."
"I don't want to have sex unless you want to."
"I'm the best, baby."
"My old girlfriend? She was just okay."
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
"I'll never lie to you."

[5Madman2]

"and if she ain't happy long enough, you gonna be unhappy with half your stuff"

Actually-that's part of my grand plan. About very ten years I gather too much stuff, so I get married.

After a few years, I get to enjoy the challenge of starting over again with little to nothing

[reagan_fanatic]

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." (I want to fondle you.)

Laugh all you want - it always worked for me ;)

[JackDanielsOldNo7]

So, sex is always the first priority with guys.

whereas with women sex is down there on the bottom of the list along with scrubbing the toilet.

[R. Scott]

"Sure, honey, that dress looks fine."
"I was not looking at her boobs."
"My old girlfriend? She was just okay."

What man in his right mind would tell the truth about these? “"Sure, honey, that dress looks fine" is along the lines of the answer that must be given if the husband is asked the classic “Does this make me look fat?”.

[AlGone2001]

Sweetie, I think $75 is a great price to pay for a hair cut. Why don't you go a little further and get your toe nails cleaned next time as, well.

[5Madman2]

Single man lie:

I had a really good time with you and I'll call

[RightOnline]

"I'll pull out in time.........I promise."

[Diana in Wisconsin]

Not in THIS marriage. You need to re-read my post. ;)

[5Madman2]

In this case 46 usually comes after 47

[R. Scott]

"No, dear, those jeans don't make you look fat."

When my daughter gained weight, she often asked me That Question. I finally learned how to get her to stop asking it – I’d reply, “It’s not the jeans that make you look fat”.

[JackDanielsOldNo7]

Not in THIS marriage. You need to re-read my post. ;)

Lucky man. Are you an alien or something? Most women abhor sex(unless they want kids)

[Caipirabob]

You forgot: "Of course I know how to get there"

[Stu Cohen]

"Of course I trust you."

[quantim]

11. "It's not new, I've had it a long time."
12. "They sent those packages by mistake."
13. "I don't know why I got a ticket for 20mph over the limit."
14. "The mall was closed today."
15. "Don't worry, the jewelry is fake."

[Thrusher]

"I'll pull out in time.........I promise."

"It will only hurt a little bit..."

[laney]

That's because after awhile most men forget how to romance and seduce there wife, they think honey roll over or gimmie, or some other choice words will make the wife want to do the deed and most women say Ah! forget about it and dream of Sean Connery..LOL..

[Caipirabob]

"I'll pull out in time.........I promise."

Don't bet your freedom on it. ; )

[R. Scott]

When asked, "What are you thinking about?", my answer to her is always, "You in a red and black silk camisole, my dear."

I was never that creative. I usually just answered “sex”.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

Nope. Just one of those women who ignored EVERYTHING the Femi-Nazis told me "I wanted" out of life from age ten to seventeen.

Retired Army (I joined at 17); I had a a full and fun career-life then settled down to "Mommyville" when I was about thirty-five. (Raised my Step-Son and my two nephews.)

Yep. I'm one of a kind, I guess. But currently there's only one man in the state of Wisconsin, or any other state for that matter, no matter how much I love Jack Daniels, that's currently "licensed" to 'have his way' with me. ;)

[tbird5]

"So what are the top 10 lies women tell husbands?"

#11 Husband "Is that new?"
Wife "No. I have had it awhile. You never
noticed." (Meaning she bought it about 3 hours
earlier).