The Top 10 Lies Happy Husbands Tell

MSN/Redbook ^ | 01/04/06 | Keith Blanchard

[misterrob]

You want to know the truth? Guys lie -- occasionally, compulsively, desperately. We certainly don't have a monopoly on lying, and I've seen women pull off some whoppers, but we men, over centuries of tinkering, have developed hardy, scrutiny-resistant strains. In the interests of furthering intergender understanding, I talked real guys into identifying, and explaining, their biggest lies.

"Sure, honey, that dress looks fine."
"I can fix it."
"I was not looking at her boobs."
"Nothing's wrong."
"I tried to call you."
"I don't want to have sex unless you want to."
"I'm the best, baby."
"My old girlfriend? She was just okay."
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
"I'll never lie to you."

[misterrob]

I saw these and had to laugh. Married men have to tell far more then these:

1) No, you don't look fat in that outfit
2) No, I don't have a problem with your mother coming over
3) Yes, of course I like your friends
4) Your younger sister is not as good looking as you
5) I heard what you said the first time. Honest

[finnman69]

"I swear I just watched and did not get a lapdance."

[MediaMole]

"Nothing's wrong" is the number one lie WOMEN tell.

[al baby]

No im not on free republic im working

[Lekker 1]

6) Nah, I really don't care who wins the game. Go ahead and turn it off.

[mirkwood]

6)Tastes great
7)I'll only be an hour
8)I like that wallpaper

[68 grunt]

"It was the dog."

[Publius6961]

and I've seen women pull off some whoppers, but we men, over centuries of tinkering, have developed hardy, scrutiny-resistant strains.

You like to throw Freeper hand grenades, do you?
OK buster, post the list of whoopers that females tell first, otherwise the Freeper Femenist Mafia will be all over this thread.

[rit]

"I thought the trash cans go out tomorrow night."

[misterrob]

Uh..check freepmail

[dfwgator]

WHAT MEN SAY, AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN


"Do you want to go to a movie?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Can I take you out to dinner?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Can I Call you sometime?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"May I have this dance?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)

"Nice dress!"
(Nice cleavage!)

"You look tense, let me give you a massage."
(I want to fondle you.)

"What's wrong?"
(What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?)

"What's wrong?"
(I guess sex tonight is out of the question.)

"I'm bored."
(Do you want to have sex?)

"I love you."
(Let's have sex now.)

"I love you too."
(Okay, I said it . . . we'd better have sex now!)

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(I liked it better before.)

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(50 bucks and it still doesn't look any different!)

"Let's talk."
(I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.)

"Will you marry me?"
(I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.)

(While shopping) "I like that one better."
(Pick any damn dress and let's go home!)

[Lekker 1]

Oh shoot... I thought church started at 1:00

[Billthedrill]

"No, dear, those jeans don't make you look fat."

(Inaudibly, "Your butt makes you look fat. The jeans make you look purple...")

[Richard Kimball]

I'm sorry honey.

I didn't mean it.

I'll never do it again.

No, honey, she's ugly.

I'm doing CPR!! Quick, call the ambulance!

[quantim]

"Just because she looks like she's from Baywatch doesn't mean she won't be a good babysitter..."

[Prime Choice]

I used to think that women set men up to fail with their questions like, "What are you thinking about?" and "Do you think she's pretty?" and "Do I look fat in this dress?" Then I realized that it was nothing more than trick questions designed to reassure her.

I finally got my wife to give up the trick questions once I had mastered the answers and never deviated from them.

When asked, "What are you thinking about?", my answer to her is always, "You in a red and black silk camisole, my dear."

When asked, "Do you think she's pretty?", my answer to her is always, "Yes, very pretty...but nowhere near as pretty as you."

When asked, "Do I look fat in this dress?", my answer to her is always, "I don't think so...maybe you should take it off right now, so I can be sure."

Let these answers be your guide, grasshoppah, and you shall find true happiness.   :o)

[laney]

Just remember:
If she's not happy you're not happy~

[Prime Choice]

"I'm bored."
(Do you want to have sex?)

You forgot the other variants.

"Good morning!"
"Good afternoon!"
"Good night!"
...and my personal favorite:
"It's halftime!"

[Stu Cohen]

"You're right."

[laney]

So what are the top 10 lies women tell husbands?