1) No, you don't look fat in that outfit
2) No, I don't have a problem with your mother coming over
3) Yes, of course I like your friends
4) Your younger sister is not as good looking as you
5) I heard what you said the first time. Honest
"I swear I just watched and did not get a lapdance."
"Nothing's wrong" is the number one lie WOMEN tell.
No im not on free republic im working
6) Nah, I really don't care who wins the game. Go ahead and turn it off.
6)Tastes great
7)I'll only be an hour
8)I like that wallpaper
"It was the dog."
You like to throw Freeper hand grenades, do you?
OK buster, post the list of whoopers that females tell first, otherwise the Freeper Femenist Mafia will be all over this thread.
"I thought the trash cans go out tomorrow night."
WHAT MEN SAY, AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN
"Do you want to go to a movie?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)
"Can I take you out to dinner?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)
"Can I Call you sometime?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)
"May I have this dance?"
(I'd eventually like to have sex with you.)
"Nice dress!"
(Nice cleavage!)
"You look tense, let me give you a massage."
(I want to fondle you.)
"What's wrong?"
(What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?)
"What's wrong?"
(I guess sex tonight is out of the question.)
"I'm bored."
(Do you want to have sex?)
"I love you."
(Let's have sex now.)
"I love you too."
(Okay, I said it . . . we'd better have sex now!)
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(I liked it better before.)
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(50 bucks and it still doesn't look any different!)
"Let's talk."
(I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.)
"Will you marry me?"
(I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.)
(While shopping) "I like that one better."
(Pick any damn dress and let's go home!)
(Inaudibly, "Your butt makes you look fat. The jeans make you look purple...")
I didn't mean it.
I'll never do it again.
No, honey, she's ugly.
I'm doing CPR!! Quick, call the ambulance!
"Just because she looks like she's from Baywatch doesn't mean she won't be a good babysitter..."
I finally got my wife to give up the trick questions once I had mastered the answers and never deviated from them.
When asked, "What are you thinking about?", my answer to her is always, "You in a red and black silk camisole, my dear."
When asked, "Do you think she's pretty?", my answer to her is always, "Yes, very pretty...but nowhere near as pretty as you."
When asked, "Do I look fat in this dress?", my answer to her is always, "I don't think so...maybe you should take it off right now, so I can be sure."
Let these answers be your guide, grasshoppah, and you shall find true happiness. :o)
So what are the top 10 lies women tell husbands?
No, the biggest lie a man will ever have to tell his wife is "No honey, I'd never lie to you"
Thats important because with the way women are, you have to lie to them at least once a day, in order to keep things right in the home
"You're right."
Women can do without sex like camels can water. Unreal. At least my wife can.
My wife actually asked me
"The bustier pushed-up look doesn't turn you on, does it?"
Rejoinder, " . . . Of course not."
Unbelievable.
In my head, ". . . Is the Pope German?"
I'm NOT lost!
It's hell to go on a fishing trip and run into one of your wives girlfriends in Vegas.