Posted on 03/20/2018 10:49:23 AM PDT by fishtank
12 Surefire Methods For Standing Out From The Crowd During Church
March 19, 2018
You know what’s the literal worst? Going through all the trouble to put on your best clothes from Hollister, drive all the way to church, and worship the Lord Most High—only to realize later that not a single person even noticed you the whole time you were singing God’s praises and having the Word of God preached to you. Everyone’s eyes were on the worship band or on the pastor.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
LOL.
Or on me, who was to read the liturgy and actually accidentally eliminated four verses, which the pastor had based his whole sermon on. I could just kick myself and have been kicking myself since last Sunday.
During an inspired season, I was listening to a sermon about the deceiver. In the moment, I hollered out “He’s a liar”.
The pastor suddenly stopped, all got quiet, and the pastor looked right at me. Realizing the moment, I quickly qualified aloud “Satan is a liar”. The pastor, relieved to understand the context of my earlier outburst continued.
LOL!......Context is everything!.................
The entire thing is a scam for money by professional Christians intercepting money meant for God when God does not need your money. The word “church” was not in the Bible until 1611. The Greek word was Ekklesia” for 1611 years which meant “The called out” or simply “the believer” . All this brick and mortar, preacher , choir, pulpit stuff is not in the Bible. It is all a money scam. By the way , a “professional Christian “ is further anyone that takes money and uses it for house payments, car payment, 401k, kids college, personal use etc., in the name of God. That included preachers— staff— worship musicians etc. etc. Anyone who lives off of “ gifts or tithes to God”.
I don’t remember specifically, but my folks used to remind me on occasion - in 1955 at age 3, I announced “I gotta pee” during a pause in the sermon - loud enough for the entire congregation to hear. I was told it was funny at the time.
I think my dad might have chosen the “snoring” method to stand out...he used it often enough!
The entire thing is a scam for money by professional Christians intercepting money meant for God when God does not need your money. The word “church” was not in the Bible until 1611. The Greek word was Ekklesia” for 1611 years which meant “The called out” or simply “the believer” . All this brick and mortar, preacher , choir, pulpit stuff is not in the Bible. It is all a money scam. By the way , a “professional Christian “ is further anyone that takes money and uses it for house payments, car payment, 401k, kids college, personal use etc., in the name of God. That included preachers— staff— worship musicians etc. etc. Anyone who lives off of “ gifts or tithes to God”.
***
The Apostle Paul disagrees.
17 Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. 18 For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.”
He should have worshiped at the church of st mattress. ;-)
Poor guy was probably just trying to keep his family clothed and fed.
No doubt...but he made darn sure our entire family of eight got to church!
Funny, that was the same thing one of our previous pastors said and he made good on it by refusing all compensation for his leadership.
Wearing a suit and tie to church. Seriously.
There is no doubt about it. I have studied it for years and tested is from every angle. “church” was first used as an intentional mistranslation in the King James. I think it was done for control of the Christians by the king. The word “church” was taken from the Pagan form of worship in a circle. The actual word was “Circe” or “Kirke”. A common lie by the professional Christian is that Ekklesia” meant “gathering” or “assembly”. That is laughable because the Greek word for that was “Sanhedrin”, the ruling 70 at the Temple of Jerusalem. absolute fact. The concept of “church “ was made up of whole cloth in 1611.
Also, in most churches, one can also draw attention to oneself by pulling a live Canebreak Rattlesnake out of a burlap sack during the sermon and then passing said rattler to one's neighbor...
...in most churches...
One of my little boys stood up at a quiet moment and announced, “It’s over now! I’m out of food!”
But what is he laboring for?
Paul also said, “God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things;
Acts 17,24-25
I think I might do #4 myself.
Funny stuff!.
This one hit my funny bone as well:
http://babylonbee.com/news/9-extreme-games-for-your-next-youth-group-meeting/
Yell out “It’s in Second Ephesians” or “Third Timothy”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.