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Shutdown Season: Willow Creek Community Church Will Close its Doors for the Summer [SATIRE]
The Holy Observer ^ | June 15

Posted on 05/09/2006 8:47:13 AM PDT by Alex Murphy

This is satire. If you have a problem with satire, STOP READING NOW. If you have a problem with literacy, i.e. you can't read, I'd tell you to STOP READING NOW but I doubt you'd understand me.
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Shutdown Season: Willow Creek Community Church Will Close its Doors for the Summer
 

SOUTH BARRINGTON, IL – In perhaps the most extreme example to date of churches halting ministries during the traditionally slower summer months, Willow Creek Community Church – one of America's prototypical mega-churches – has decided to close its doors until after Labor Day.

"The church leadership took a look at where attendance and giving were last summer, and when you look at the numbers, the case for closing shop just makes a lot of sense," said Willow Creek Senior Pastor Bill Hybels. "For years we've been trying to justify the expense of operating throughout the summer when schools are closed and people are on vacation. We just couldn't do it any more. If people are going to put their spiritual growth on hold until September anyway, why should the church fight it?"

While weekly services and other regular ministries have all been canceled, some special, summer-specific programs like summer camps will still go on as scheduled.

"It's not like the church will be disappearing off the face of the earth," said Church Administrator David Widener. "We're still having the big Third Day concert, along with any other events that traditionally bring in a good amount of money. Plus we'll still have a pastor on call at all times just in case anyone has a spiritual need that absolutely can't wait until September."

While many churches have been putting Bible studies, choirs and other portions of regular church life on the back burner during the summer for years, this may be the first example of a church scheduling a complete shutdown.

"I see this as part of a trend of church attendance as we know it taking a serious dip around the world, and not just during the summer months," said Robert Holmes, president of the Center for the Study of World Religion – a London-based religion think tank. "With so many media options out there for people to get their spiritual enlightenment, the practice of church attendance is in real trouble. Mark my words. This is a harbinger."

Not surprisingly, Hybels doesn't see it that way.

Hybels is planning on 4 weeks in Tahiti

"Willow Creek has been setting trends for the rest of the evangelical community for decades," he said. "When we started changing the way we do worship and outreach, you had people acting like it was the end of the world. Now they're all doing the same things. This is going to strengthen our church. The money we save by shutting down over the summer will go toward reaching people for Christ during the rest of the year. When other churches see how this benefits us, shutting down for the summer will soon become as common as church names that have nothing to do with God or Christianity."

Josh Allen - a 13-year-old who regularly attends Willow Creek with his parents - is on Hybels' side.

"No more hymnals. No more pews. No more sermons to make me snooze," Allen rhymed with glee. "I'll see you at the pool!"

But not all Willow Creekers share Allen's enthusiasm.

"We had skits rehearsed and ready to go for every Sunday in the summer," said Willow Creek Drama Team Leader Leah Cress. "Now all that work is completely worthless. It's not gonna make much sense to perform a theatrical representation of the importance of beach evangelism in the dead of winter, now is it?"

Despite the detractors, Widener is almost giddy about the concept of saying a fond farewell to summer services.

"No more bloated air conditioning bills for a room that's only half full," he said, eyes gleaming. "All that money being saved for God's kingdom and not being wasted on a scant congregation that would rather be on vacation anyway. It's a beautiful thing."

 


TOPICS: Apologetics; Current Events; Ecumenism; Evangelical Christian; General Discusssion; Humor; Ministry/Outreach; Other Christian; Religion & Culture; Skeptics/Seekers; Worship
KEYWORDS: funny; humor; hybels; sacredcows; satire; willowcree; willowcreek
THIS IS SATIRE. HUMOR.
You all remember "laughing" - that thing that you used to do, in response to watching "Gilligan's Island", before you became a Christian? Laughter is what your pastor is trying to provoke in you, when he tells those bad jokes at the beginning of his sermon. After "putting His enemies under his feet" (Psalm 110), IMO "getting Christians to laugh" must be the second-biggest thing that Christ will do before the Second Coming.

In Ecclesiasties 2:2, the author complains that laughter is "madness", asking "what does it accomplish?" Psalm 2:4 tells us that God, in heaven, laughs and scoffs at the kings of this earth "in derision". Psalm 37:13 says the Lord laughs at the wicked, for "their day is coming". But for the faithful, Genesis 21:6 tells us that laughter is an appropriate response to God's blessings, Job 8:21 promises laughter for those afflicted by Satan, and Psalm 126:2 says laughter is a sign to unbelieving nations that God has done great things for us. As Christians, we should learn to laugh more.

Mel Brooks (not a Christian) once defined laughter in this way: "Tragedy is me cutting my finger. Comedy is you getting eaten by a lion." Take that for what it's worth.

1 posted on 05/09/2006 8:47:18 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
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To: Alex Murphy
Problemo is...after the vicious slashing of so-called mega-churches [except for T. D. Jakes Potter's House] by the mainstream press and vested interests, folk's senses of humors by come back after a few apologies.
2 posted on 05/09/2006 9:25:17 AM PDT by BikerGold (Reliously Uncoooorrrrect...Reliously UUUUUUncorrect)
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To: Alex Murphy

And this is funny how? Even as satire.....


3 posted on 05/09/2006 11:41:58 AM PDT by txzman (Jer 23:29)
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To: Alex Murphy
THIS IS SATIRE. HUMOR.

Are you positive? I suppose it is so far...

4 posted on 05/09/2006 1:06:41 PM PDT by TradicalRC ("...this present Constitution, which will be valid henceforth, now, and forever..."-Pope St. Pius V)
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To: TradicalRC
Are you positive? I suppose it is so far...

Well, it used to be satire, anyway. Remember the hullabaloo over churches announcing "we're not holding services on Christmas day" six months ago? This preceeded that by 18 months (it was written in spring 2004).

5 posted on 05/09/2006 1:25:48 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:6)
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To: Dr. Eckleburg; HarleyD; topcat54; Xenalyte; Gamecock; AxelPaulsenJr; Calm_Cool_and_Elected; ksen; ..

HAIR club PING!

An oldie but a goodie. It’s that season again, folks....


6 posted on 05/14/2007 6:25:21 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (FR Member Alex Murphy: Declared Anathema By The Council Of Trent)
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To: Alex Murphy

At least you warned us on this one.


7 posted on 05/31/2007 8:11:04 AM PDT by Salvation (†With God all things are possible.†)
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To: Alex Murphy
You all remember "laughing" - that thing that you used to do, in response to watching "Gilligan's Island", before you became a Christian?

That is not even true enough to be funny, that is just hateful.

8 posted on 08/29/2013 10:46:19 PM PDT by GeronL
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To: GeronL
That is not even true enough to be funny, that is just hateful.

Gilligan's Island is hateful?

9 posted on 08/30/2013 5:01:21 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Just a common, ordinary, simple savior of America's destiny.)
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To: GeronL

Dude! How did you stumble on a satire article in the religion forum that hasn’t been posted on in six years? Talk about a shot in the dark (1:46 AM).


10 posted on 08/30/2013 5:06:33 AM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: Alex Murphy

Why this is funny:

This is funny because it is a parody of the way churches are pandering to today’s culture. Today’s mega-churches have adopted a post-modern pragmatism that says, “If it brings them into the building...do it.”....”whatever works, do it.” And so we have “entertainment” type services that are big on production values and very shallow on Biblical, gospel centered teaching.


11 posted on 08/30/2013 5:12:33 AM PDT by Drawsing
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To: Pan_Yan

I found a link. I didn’t comment on the article but a comment by a poster.


12 posted on 08/30/2013 10:02:58 AM PDT by GeronL
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To: Drawsing

Why this is sad:

A couple years back some Megachurches did not open their doors on Christmas when it fell on the Lord’s Day. Wanted to give their staff time off with family.


13 posted on 08/30/2013 10:29:13 AM PDT by Gamecock (Many Atheists take the stand: "There is no God AND I hate Him.")
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To: Drawsing
This is funny because it is a parody of the way churches are pandering to today’s culture. Today’s mega-churches have adopted a post-modern pragmatism that says, “If it brings them into the building...do it.”....”whatever works, do it.” 

1 Corinthians 9

19 Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21 To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. 23 I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

There is some truth in the arguments that many megachurches offer weak fare; entertainment with little spiritual meat. But there is plenty of evidence that just unlocking the front doors on Sunday at 10:45 and playing a hymn doesn't work anymore. Would I rather people devoted themselves to a deep relationship with God that just attended a glorified social event at the church building? Yes. But chances are they will never get to that deeper place if you don't get them in the door first. And that is something megachurches do well.

14 posted on 08/30/2013 4:29:03 PM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: Pan_Yan
But chances are they will never get to that deeper place if you don't get them in the door first. And that is something megachurches do well.

I see where you are coming from and I agree that this approach is successful at "getting people in the door". But then what? Most often they are treated to a "you focused" message... "You are special in God's sight!" "God has a plan for your life!" or...a law focused message..."You need to do more good works!... You need to have more faith! Dare to be a Daniel!"

Rather than a Christ centered gospel message..."We are sinners in need of a savior." And then find Christ in the scriptures...Old and New Testaments.

"I am the vine and you are the branches. Remain in me as I remain in you and you will bear much fruit." As to the Corinthians passage...yes Paul went out of his way to speak in terms that his audience understood. But he did not change his central theme. Look at how he spoke to the Greek philosophers in Acts 17 and then quickly offended them when he mentioned the resurrection of Christ. And that is another thing. The gospel will offend most people...and a few will believe.

15 posted on 08/31/2013 5:10:34 AM PDT by Drawsing
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