or gay.
Stolen from Rita Rudner.
They must've gotten this one from my wife.
Dunno about this one. I hate phones. I would almost rather have an axe handle taken to me than have to carry or talk on one.
Especially if it involves boiling hot oil and large open flames.
????????????????
Why would a man want to get a bikini wax?
'Sports' sucks... If it's not War or Bagpiping, or preferably War and Bagpiping I just don't care.
I like playing sports, but I can't figure out the attraction of watching a bunch of felons do stupid human tricks and pretending it is for real.
Car or motorcycle racing is fun to watch because people actually do die--I've got respect for that as a 'sport'. I can't watch soccer--bunch of greasy, long-haired little eurofags running around in short-shorts and flopping around like a fish when someone bumps into them.
I like women's tennis, if they are hot. I like women's gymnastics, if they have skimpy singlets. I like women's figure skating cause Katarina Witt used to look like she had a squirrel stuffed in the crotch of her outfit.
Good list otherwise...
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Wrong. It reminds us of our beloved TV remote.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Self-absorbed narcisists are more caring than men who hate spending more than 3 minues shaving?
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
If we each have two choices, one better than the other, how is it easier for us?
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
No, he's gay.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
You don't watch enough TV!
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
This is not a gender issue. Those who can't, regarless of sex, should od it out of sight of those who cannot.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Barbie's is more unattainable than Captain America's?
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Some of the few funny lines.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
Real men still own the one their grandfather handed down to them.
Correction. He will assume that his wife has shrunk his clothing.
There is a difference you know. Cuz us manly men don't do the laundry.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
ANY playoff season.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Can't help her here. I don't like phones, period. The less buttons the better and don't call me if you just want to talk. State your business and hang up.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
Just the sports section and the crossword puzzle. If you get the paper first, just leave those two sections on the back of the toilet. I'll find them.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
I don't have to look in the mirror anymore. I'm married, my life is over.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
I wear them all the time, I'm far from bald and they are not "caps", they are "hats".
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. An ideal one is one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
See #8. I just want it to tell me what time it is. I can find the day, month and year at the top of the sports section.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Men don't buy bathing suits. That's the wife's job. If he doesn't have a pair, he wears old gym shorts or cut-offs. Either of which his wife bought for him at some time or another.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, sleep next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Whatever, just leave the damn thermostat alone!
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
There are THREE types of lettuce?!
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Or women other than their wives...
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Correction: They 'bi-itch' about men.
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
We "impulse buy" at Lowe's or The Home Depot. You don't have to pay for shipping and you don't have to wait two weeks for the UPS guy.
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Only when they talk...
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
I've had mine since I was 8 years old. Pressing my accountant for the okay on the garden railroad. ;-)