Posted on 08/28/2003 8:21:30 AM PDT by 4mycountry
50 facts about Men.
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, you have to get off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. Sleep with one under your pillow, instead of a gun.
15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
16. Men love watches with multiple functions. An ideal one is one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact your local police for a list of names.
21. Men don't get cellulite. God must certainly be a man.
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, sleep next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a)got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
36. Men hate to lose. A woman once beat her husband at tennis. She asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem."Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch,you look great." Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side:"Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."
40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
Especially if it involves boiling hot oil and large open flames.
????????????????
Why would a man want to get a bikini wax?
Between the "stolen from" group and the "already posted here" morons, the Prudence Pinchfaces are stealing FR. (and I stole Prudence Pinchface from another FReeper, so THERE!)
Can I use your screename? ;)
'Sports' sucks... If it's not War or Bagpiping, or preferably War and Bagpiping I just don't care.
I like playing sports, but I can't figure out the attraction of watching a bunch of felons do stupid human tricks and pretending it is for real.
Car or motorcycle racing is fun to watch because people actually do die--I've got respect for that as a 'sport'. I can't watch soccer--bunch of greasy, long-haired little eurofags running around in short-shorts and flopping around like a fish when someone bumps into them.
I like women's tennis, if they are hot. I like women's gymnastics, if they have skimpy singlets. I like women's figure skating cause Katarina Witt used to look like she had a squirrel stuffed in the crotch of her outfit.
Good list otherwise...
Had my first outdoor camping fire of the year last weekend and had lots o fun with the kerosene.
She really does have some great lines. My favorite is: "My husband tried to get in touch with his feminine side, but it was always on the phone to its girlfriends."
Personally I agree with you. I also liked to play sports when I was younger, but never got into watching (or God forbid actually FOLLOWING) professional sports. (I do watch the Superbowl every year, though, out of tradition.)
Still, I think this point is valid. I have long noticed that anytime I am with a random group of men, the subject inevitably turns to sports. I usually just keep quiet until the topic changes. Sometimes it never does.
Hey, That's me!!
Sportslamicists.
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Wrong. It reminds us of our beloved TV remote.
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Self-absorbed narcisists are more caring than men who hate spending more than 3 minues shaving?
22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
If we each have two choices, one better than the other, how is it easier for us?
26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
No, he's gay.
32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
You don't watch enough TV!
37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
This is not a gender issue. Those who can't, regarless of sex, should od it out of sight of those who cannot.
44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Barbie's is more unattainable than Captain America's?
47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Some of the few funny lines.
50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
Real men still own the one their grandfather handed down to them.
(Heck, what do we need the top rail of that fence for anyhow?)
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