Bear and Jackie..."The Boyz 'N Bear-ie Club"
 Gizmo: Well, here I am in sunny California, home of many fine FReepers and the world's worst Governor in history! Thanks goodness for my personal hero, Jim Robinson, and everyone else who helped in the recall effort. Oops, I digress....this is FR pet day...and I have the distinct pleasure of introducing you to two very special FRPets.
As I approach the house I am struck by the beautiful flowers! These must be VERY SPECIAL KIDS. I am greeted by the cutest little Dachshund (well..not as cute as me but pretty darn close!) Bear: Welcome Gizmo. Mom says I am to tell you a bit about myself and my sidekick and best friend, "Jackie". My name is "Bear". I'm a ten year old Dachshund and, I am proud to say, those two Finest FReepers, "Mama_Bear" and "jkphoto", belong to us. My formal name is Little Red Baron, but since there is nothing formal about me everyone just calls me "Bear". Gizmo: Hey Bear. Nice to meet you. So, let's get down to business. How did you find your folks? Bear: I was a birthday present from my Mom to my Dad long ago (I don't remember much about that time, I was just a tiny puppy then.) But, according to what I have heard, Dad had said for years that he would like to have a miniature Dachshund. My folks LOVE animals and have always had dogs in their home. Their first one was a fluffy little black Pomeranian, "Cindy", then came a precious little Chihuahua "Boo", and then a beautiful, stately Yellow Labrador Retriever named "Prince" (who they say was the smartest dog they ever knew....but, I'm sure they mean other than ME!). They loved all of their dogs so much that after each one left them they said "no more dogs, it hurts too much to lose them". But their house was so quiet and sad, and their hearts yearned for a new puppy, so that's when I came along - a surprise for Dad's birthday.
Gizmo: Oh, that's way too cool. So, like I never met a Dachshund before. What's your background and where do you like to "hang"?
Bear: I have been told that I have German "roots", but I wouldn't know about that. I do know that from the time I can remember I have had a passion for patrolling the perimeter of my yard in search of the elusive badger that I know lives under the Azalea bushes. So far, I have found a badminton birdie, a tennis ball, a couple of golf balls, but nothing that even comes close to looking like a badger. Mom says I wouldn't know a badger if I came face to face with one, but something in me insists that I keep searching. I've been told it's "in the breed", whatever that means. The time I spend while on "badger patrol" isn't wasted though. I am always on the alert, ready to chase away any birds and cats who have the audacity to come into MY yard. Mom and Dad wish I wouldn't chase them, but it's sooooo much fun. Cats and birds are about the only things that are afraid of me (other than the vacuum cleaner and the gardener, which we will get into later). Besides, everyone needs a purpose - and it's my purpose to keep the backyard varmint free.
Gizmo: I don't know about badgers but we have some mean squirrels in our neighborhood that I chase away. And FredtheCat is great at staking out those big bad chipmunks! Anyway, I hear you also have a little brother. Tell me about him!
Bear: Jackie, is the little Silky Terrier who lives here too. He is so different from me! He loves to watch the birds and even thinks that cats are cute, if you can believe that! If birds come near him he will stand still as a statue and watch them with the silliest bemused expression on his face, like they are the most fascinating little things he has ever seen. Can you imagine? Yesterday I saw a hummingbird fly up to Jackie, nose to nose, and they both looked each other over for the longest time. Quite an amusing sight, it was. I admit that hummingbirds are kind of fun to watch.
Jackie and I take our responsibilities very seriously. We have worn a path along the back fence where we go on patrol each day. My mom calls us the "Boyz" (yes, Jackie is a boy like me, even though he has a 'girl' name). Mom even put a sign along the our path that says "The Boyz 'N Bear-ie Trail - No CATS allowed!" She gets it! Anyway, that was about the time Jackie and I formed the Boyz 'N Bear-ie Club. We do everything together, sort of like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Mom says if we had pockets we'd have tadpoles and marbles in them.
Jackie is my very best buddy, but make no mistake about it, I am the ring leader and top dog in this house. I don't mind sharing equally with Jackie, sharing is a good thing, but it is understood that I get first dibs on any handouts around here. Once, when my dad 'accidentally' gave Jackie a treat BEFORE me, I got into such a huff! I stomped out of the room and pouted and sulked until I was sure he would never make that mistake again! Sure, Jackie is my best bud and yeah, I love the little guy, but when one is a "top dog", one should be treated as such, don'tcha think? My folks are wonderful people and they love both of us equally, so it has been a bit difficult educating them about these things. They laugh at me and tell me that my attitude is typical "Dachshund". I wouldn't know about that either, but they DID get the message about the 'treat thing'. Gizmo: So…any chance I can talk to Jackie???? Bear: Hey....I haven't finished talking about me. We'll get to Jackie in a minute!
Bear: All in all, I think I am pretty well rounded, as dogs go. And pretty smart, too. I understand just about everything Mom and Dad say (even many of the things they THINK I don't understand.) Like the other day, they were discussing my fear of the hole punch - you know, that thing that punches holes in papers? They think that maybe a doggie psychiatrist could get to the bottom of why I am so afraid of it. Yeah right! Now I ask you, would any self-respecting dog go to a doggie psychiatrist? Besides, aren't ALL dogs afraid of the hole punch? If I could talk, I would explain this to them.......It is really very simple, it is just down right TERRIFYING! I HATE the thing! Who knows why? Who cares why? I know that my folks would never allow anything to hurt me, but whenever Dad goes into the office to use that threatening contraption I turn into a shivering bundle of frightened nerves and scramble into Mom's arms until he puts the horrid thing away. I suppose I should be embarrassed to admit that I am equally afraid of the stapler and the check stamper.........yes, basically ALL office supplies send me into a fit of panic. My Dad is wonderful though, he laughs and tells me to get a grip, but he goes out into the garage now to punch and staple his papers. I think that is very considerate of him. Gizmo: Geesh! I admit to being afraid of lightening and thunder and the occasional big raccoons that show up in our yard, BUT a paper hole punch???? That is way too weird! Maybe you were a tree turned to paper in your previous life, you know, just a thought! Bear: Hey, I like that. Well, now that I have bared my soul as to my deepest fears, I should tell you that I have a tough side too. No little wimpy Dachshund am I! I become absolutely fierce and a force to be reckoned with when it comes to protecting my mom from the evil, vicious vacuum cleaner. I have NO fear of IT at all. I charge at it, biting and snarling until it eventually gives up. In fact, I am very proud to say, I ALWAYS win. The thing eventually tucks it's tail between it's legs and slinks back into the closet and becomes quiet until the 'next time'. Fortunately, Mom isn't crazy about the vacuum either, so it isn't let out of the closet very often.I also have no fear of the gardener and those noisy machines he shows up with each week. I bark and generally pitch a fit until he finally packs up his tools and leaves. I usually do my mouthing off from the safety of the doggie door however. You know, just in case I need to dart back inside if he gets too close with his roaring machines. It's better to be safe than sorry, I say. But you can be sure, he knows who calls the shots around here! He should, I tell him every week. So, what it all comes down to is this.....I protect my mom from the vacuum cleaner and the gardener and she protects ME from the office supplies. But, if that dreaded day ever comes to pass when the office supplies decide to come after my mom, I'm sorry to say, she is on her own! Gizmo: This is all very interesting but I have the redeye to catch and I haven't even met Jackie yet.
Bear: Okay. Jackie is the other member of the Boyz 'N Bear-ie Club. He is a bit shy, so I'll do the talking for him. He's a great little guy and we make a dog-gone good team too. He will be ten in September, but he's not showing his age at all. He is great at communicating with Mom, so I leave it up to him to alert her to the fact that way too much time has passed since we last had eggs for breakfast. He will find any excuse he can to tease Mom until she gives in and fixes us eggs. It is our all-time favorite thing, and he is the best at getting that point across. Another thing he is exceptionally good at is...........just laying around looking cute. He's got "cute" down pat. People say they've never seen a dog who looks so much like a Wookie, you know, from "Star Wars" - an adorable, CUTE Wookie. Part of his charm is his under-bite (or maybe it's an over-bite?).......anyway, his bottom front teeth stick out a bit, but that just makes him even more adorable and more 'Wookie-like'. No one can resist him.
So, there you have it. I have "attitude" and Jackie has "cute".......a pretty powerful combination! Between the two of us, we pretty much rule the roost, even though we are smart enough to allow our people to think THEY do. We both agree, we have two of the most wonderful parents a couple of dogs could ever hope for. Yes, we are mighty proud of them. We love the way they love God, their country, and, most of all, US!
Gizmo: You're right about your mom and dad. Mom and all the folks at the Finest think they are the best too. And I hear your dad makes a mean "tri tip". Mom's still trying to get the recipe from him. Anything else you want to add…before I catch my plane? Bear: Nope. It's been great meeting you but I'm kind of tired of talking and I'm thinking there could be a badger out under the Azaleas. I am off on patrol. See ya! Gizmo: So there you have it folks. Two more Finest FRPets. I'm ready to catch the redeye to join Mom and Dad for my summer vacation. Fortunately I have found a good conservative lap to snooze on. Special thanks to my dear Aunt Mama_Bear for filing this report today (and for all the wonderful treats she left for me!) Until next week…that's this week!
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