Posted on 03/01/2006 7:09:06 AM PST by ZGuy
In the United States, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for couples -- half of young adults aged 20-40 are cohabiting instead of getting married. Cohabitation has increased nearly 1,000% since 1980, and the marriage rate has dropped more than 40% since 1960.
Some see substituting living together for marriage as an insignificant shift in family “structure.” Those who are better informed realize that the shift has disastrous ramifications for the individuals involved, as well as for society and public policy.
The faulty reasoning leading young adults to make such a poor choice must be exposed. Here are four myths surrounding the shift.
Myth No. 1: Living Together Is a Good Way to “Test the Water”
Many couples say that they want to live together to see if they are compatible, not realizing that cohabitation is more a preparation for divorce than a way to strengthen the likelihood of a successful marriage -- the divorce rates of women who cohabit are nearly 80% higher than those who do not. In fact, studies indicate that cohabiting couples have lower marital quality and increased risk of divorce. Further, cohabiting relationships tend to be fragile and relatively short in duration; less than half of cohabiting relationships last five or more years. Typically, they last about 18 months.
Myth No. 2: Couples Don’t Really Need That “Piece of Paper”
A major problem with cohabitation is that it is a tentative arrangement that lacks stability; no one can depend upon the relationship -- not the partners, not the children, not the community, nor the society. Such relationships contribute little to those inside and certainly little to those outside the arrangement. Sometimes couples choose to live together as a substitute for marriage, indicating that, in case the relationship goes sour, they can avoid the trouble, expense and emotional trauma of a divorce. With such a weak bond between the two parties, there is little likelihood that they will work through their problems or that they will maintain the relationship under pressure.
Myth No. 3: Cohabiting Relationships Usually Lead to Marriage
During the 1970s, about 60% of cohabiting couples married each other within three years, but this proportion has since declined to less than 40%. While women today still tend to expect that “cohabitation will lead to marriage,” numerous studies of college students have found that men typically cohabit simply because it is “convenient.” In fact, there is general agreement among scholars that living together before marriage puts women at a distinct disadvantage in terms of “power.” A college professor described a survey that he conducted over a period of years in his marriage classes. He asked guys who were living with a girl, point blank, “Are you going to marry the girl that you’re living with?” The overwhelming response, he reports, was “NO!” When he asked the girls if they were going to marry the guy they were living with, their response was, “Oh, yes; we love each other and we are learning how to be together.”
Myth No. 4: Cohabiting Relationships Are More Egalitarian Than Marriage
It is common knowledge that women and children suffer more poverty after a cohabiting relationship breaks up, but it’s not so well understood that there is typically an economic imbalance in favor of the man within such relationships, too. While couples who live together say that they plan to share expenses equally, more often than not the women support the men. Studies show that women typically contribute more than 70% of the income in a cohabiting relationship. Likewise, the women tend to do more of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. If they are students, as is often the case, and facing economic or time constraints that require a reduction in class load, it is almost invariably the woman, not the man, who drops a class.
So What’s the Conclusion?
A mass of sociological evidence shows that cohabitation is an inferior alternative to the married, intact, two-parent, husband-and-wife family. Increasingly, the myths of living together without marriage are like a mirror shattered by the force of the facts that expose the reality of cohabitation.
Dr. Crouse is senior fellow of Concerned Women for America’s Beverly LaHaye Institute.
At this pont I have one daughter. I plan to remarry ands have more kids. Just have to wait and see what God gives me.
Congrats on the upcoming marriage. Got a date for it yet?
Needs a spoiler alert...
You and I both read that article about the feminist woman who thinks the trending back to mothers at home is a bad thing, and if she had her way, she would force those mothers to "pursue careers" rather than remain at home and riase their children (She said as much in the article and on TV). And according to her, women like herself are planning another feminist assault on society.
excellent post.
There are some good ideas in the courtship model, but it also contains some of the creepy elements above, I agree.
What I mean of course is, Have the two of you set a date yet.
When I read it as posted it seemed odd
"creepy age differential"? What's that about?
That's actually not true. The purpose of courtship is to determine whether it's God's will for the two of you to be married. Sometimes you determine that it's not God's will. In those cases, it can still be a "successful courtship" even if you break up.
Help me understand the "creepy elements." I don't understand how courtship can be seen as creepy.
Ummmmm, I think she's bringing the groom...
*nevermind*
I stand corrected (thank you)
Are you saying you think women will vote for Hillary? I don't think that's a given, at ALL.
Thanks for the laugh however, I needed that.
(2)NO physical contact even kissing.
(3)Almost no time alone. There needs to be some intimacy and some sharing of thoughts to ascertain whether or not someone is suitable for you and to determine if you get along without the company of others.
(4)Too many rules. While I conceed that no rules such as we largely have today, is a bad thing, so are too many rules. It's too restrictive.
Well, it works for those it works for and it is silly for others. If I were your age I'd have thought it silly too!
In retrospect it was sort of amusing, making Talon call my dad. At the time it was a little nerve wracking for everyone involved I think. And don't think my folks were driving the relationship or anything, their attitude was that I knew best and once they met him and was sure he wasn't a serial killer they were thrilled. It was more that I knew I was accountable to my parents, than that I had to have them supervise or anything.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.