Busted!

Ajai Raj, was arrested at the Ann Coulter speech - here's a previous article written by the wack-job...

Let me begin by saying I had a pretty restful spring break. Nothing exciting- funds were low all around, and no one I knew could afford a road trip, so I went back home, hung around my house wearing boxers and aviator sunglasses, and smoked joints in the backyard. I hung out with a few old friends, and come Friday night, I headed back to Austin where I looked forward to a night of mid-grade revelry and sleeping in my dorm bed.

The Pigf#*king Establishment had other plans. My roommate and I were awakened at 3 A.M. by two grinning Austin Police Department officers and a greasy-haired fat f@ck of an RA who gets his jollies by hanging around with his thumb in his ass until he smells marijuana so he can inform the Justice League in exchange for a free raffle ticket. No shit— as the cops cuffed me for having an ounce of grass, this f&cker got a chance to win a free microwave. Or to s*ck off a sheriff, as far as I know or care.

I would go on at length about the bust, but let’s suffice it to say that I was too tired to think, and thinking is essential to prevent arrest. This will not happen again. On my way out, I passed by my friends Jeff and Nick. This proved fortunate down the line.

I was led in handcuffs into a waiting room full of crazy yelling degenerates, wife beaters, whores, thieves, and contemptible crying c%nts whose lives were obviously over because they had been led to a police station. Over the next several hours, my clothes were taken from me and replaced with black-and-white striped pajamas, my balls were fondled by leering criminals posing as representatives of justice, and I got the opportunity to sleep in awkward positions in several exciting locales. I was told I would wait for a short while to move on to the next stage of the process, and then made to sit around for hours while eavesdropping on conversations about armed robberies and vehicular assaults.

When me and the motley members of my cell block were led in front of a judge, I learned that, according to our “justice” system, a straight-A college kid holding a bag of weed is as bad a criminal as a guy who beats his wife and kid. I learned that in Texas, a cop can decide to arrest you for no reason at all and you can sit in jail for 72 hours before you’re even charged with a crime. I learned that, in Travis County jail at least, you get as many phone calls as you like—as long as you’re not calling a cell phone or a landline outside of Travis county. And you can call any one of a number of bail bondsmen to help you out with your $1500 bail, except that half the numbers don’t work and the other half will be answered by assholes who won’t help out anyone under 21. I learned that every single cop in this God-forsaken county thinks he’s the King of Sh!t Mountain, and that they missed their chance to be comedic wunderkinds. It takes a real man to make fun of a guy who’s in a futile situation and has nothing to do but take your sh!t. Why not push over a guy with crutches and have a real laugh riot?

So, having nothing on my hands but my dignity and a jail cell, I spent the next ten hours or so catching fitful sleep full of decidedly unpleasant dreams. I never really got around to worrying about my situation. I had plenty of reason to—for starters, I had a paper due Monday that I’d yet to begin, and if I get a drug conviction—whoops!—there goes my financial aid. My waking hours were filled with musings about Jeff and Nick busting me out of this place, guns blazing. Knowing them, I knew they’d do something, but I didn’t know what. My hands were tied, so I waited.

Round 7 P.M., the officer in charge—a man with lofty notions about the “free world” and a penchant for passing out baloney sandwiches like nobody’s business—knocked on my door.

I went out to one of the meeting rooms, where a man who looked like Al Borland from “Home Improvement” was sitting on the other side of a plastic window.

My spirits perked up in a hurry. To make an already abbreviated story even more so, my attorney says he can get the charges dismissed. The law is sticking all kinds of fingers in my a$$hole right now, but with a few savvy business deals, I can plow through this shit and come out smelling like roses. Ironic, really—to get out of this drug charge, I’m forced to arrange bigger drug deals than I ever intended to. C’est la vie, non?

To quote the late, great John Lennon, life is what happens while you’re busy making plans. While we’re at it, I do indeed get by with a little help from my friends.

supposedly written by this turd, posted at DUmmyland

AJAI RAJ
04/05/05

Open Letter to Anyone Who Gives a Sh*t About Justice

I’m writing this in response to the spectacle that occurred in the LBJ Library on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005, when Ann Coulter, a diabolical, ignorant, but nevertheless charismatic right-wing pundit, came to speak at UT. Ms. Coulter- yes, Ms, I’d personally think such a vocal female conservative would be making Bubba a meatloaf instead of addressing a politically-minded collegiate audience, but whatever- is the author of relentlessly mendacious anti-liberal books, such as Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right and Treason: Liberal Treachery From the Cold War to the War on Terrorism. She’s famous for having an ass that stores so many lies it makes clown-car designers envious. Like her or not (and if you do, I’m surprised you can read) she’s a Big F*cking Deal.

The title of the front-page story covering Ms. Coulter’s in the Texan was “Arrest Made at Coulter Speech”. You could also have caught it on CBS or in the Austin-American Statesman. The general idea is that some jackass made a scene, and Ann Coulter was also there.

I am Ajai Raj, and I am a jackass.

In his article, which I enjoyed and commend him for, Mr. Sampath quoted the former president of the Student Events Center, the organization which arranged the event. He wrote:

"The person had been disruptive the entire event," said Matt Hardigree, former Student Events Center president. "He took the opportunity to say something lewd and offensive and then made masturbatory gestures as he exited."

And what do I have to say in rebuttal? Not a goddamn thing.
Matt Hardigree got it spot-on! From the beginning I was yelling obscenities along with my friends, roaring at Ms. Coulter’s right-wing bullsh*t festival the way no one else had the balls to. Mr. Sampath writes in his article that (and this is my take) the protestors were told to be good all along. They were told to sit in the back and hold their signs and leave quietly. No wonder hippies get such a bad rap nowadays; protestors today might as well be ornaments on the Rightmobile. When I want someone to know I’m pissed off, I’m going to throw down and give them a good sh*t-ruining. I wanted to show Ms. Coulter that people are down if she wants to hold a circle-jerk, but we’re not gonna do it her way. Not me, at least.

So yes, the Q&A session came around, and it was pathetic. Her slack-jawed fans got up and licked her face so she could pat them on the head- one schmuck offered to be her bodyguard, and she smiled, doubtlessly making a mental note that she wouldn’t touch his nether regions if she were King Midas; liberal protestors posed well-intentioned but woefully timid questions and got shot down in a hail of ignorant shitfire from the She-Dragon. Standing in line awaiting my turn, I watched her send a moderate Republican, who had questioned the sheer incendiary magnitude of her rhetoric, walk away in tears when she tore him apart for daring to question her.

So yes, I saw my “opportunity to say something lewd and offensive.” And I took it.

She had just said something about gay marriage, the typical rightwing bullsh*t spiel that is still convincing people that the Bible is really the Constitution. Knowing that taking the time to say something insightful, specific, or even slightly critical would get me a lame comeback and a ticket back to my seat, I realized that the only way to win this battle was to fight fire with fire. Or bullsh*t with bullsh*t. So, as reported in yesterday’s Texan, I fired:
"You say that you believe in the sanctity of marriage," said Ajai Raj, an English sophomore. "How do you feel about marriages where the man does nothing but f*ck his wife up the ass?"

And the crowd fell silent. Ms. Coulter stood stunned atop her stage, unprepared for a jackass to say something so utterly crude and to the point. Her pompous and mean air is enough to stump questioners into timidity, I wasn’t about to let her stop me. The audience members looked at me with raw disbelief; later, even friends who know me well admitted that they’d been surprised at how vulgar I’d been. The others in line for Q&A, mostly liberals, looked at me like I’d set their cause back forty years.

Did I give a sh*t? No. If I had a message, it’s that the whole thing was a joke- hell, our whole political scene today is a f*cking joke. Everyone’s out to either pat themselves on the back for being right or whine about how they’re being wronged without ever lifting a finger to fight for it.

So rather than dignify anyone else, I “made masturbatory gestures” as I exited. Again, bingo! I danced a jig and set my hand a-jerkin’ at crotch-level, sneering for the crowd and letting them know I was ready to roll. I yelled to my friends that we were gonna split and made for the door.
Two cops approached me. I figured they were going to tell me I had to leave, so I said “You can’t fire me, because I quit!”

“You’re under arrest.”

It was my turn to be shocked. I tried to ask them what for; saying “f*ck her in the ass”” at a college isn’t a crime, last time I checked. They apparently mistook my inquiries for aggression, and grabbed me roughly and slammed me into the door. Within seconds the backmost two or three rows was surging forward, following the scene as the cops dragged me out the door. They yelled and chanted; my friends were more outraged than I’d ever seen any of them before. As they pushed me into the car, I heard my good friend Jeffrey Stockwell scream, “THIS ISN’T A JUSTICE SYSTEM! YOU CALL THIS PROTECTING AND SERVING?!” The crowd took up a chant at the UTPD officers: “Shame! Shame! Shame!”

Shame is f*cking right. When I asked the cops why they thought I needed cuffing, they told me that they didn’t even see anything that happened, they were just doing as told.

As a good friend pointed out to me, it’s a scary thought that people who are given weapons and the authority to forcibly detain people can act without knowledge of a situation.

I’m writing this at 7:15 A.M. Wednesday, having recouped over a few cigarettes and some coffee after being released from jail around 3 A.M. I had a party waiting for me- twenty or so friends and supporters, who showered me with gifts such as a card, sodas, cigarettes, food, and a Blondie CD (go figure). Several civil rights-interested associations approached me, offering pro bono legal representation and showing their support.

I have no regrets. Was I jackass? Yes. Oh Christ, yes. But here’s the question people ought to ask themselves. Did I deserve to be arrested? Did the cops need to rough me up for saying bad words at what was at least masquerading as an open dialogue? Do the people of Texas- hell, of America- feel that “potty mouth” belongs on the list of punishable crimes along with “aggravated assault” and “armed robbery”?
As stated in the Texan article, I am charged with Disorderly Conduct, which is a Class C Misdemeanor. Other Class C Misdemeanors include DWIs, possession of drug paraphernalia, and speeding tickets. Without getting into the justification for all of those, were my naughty words and crude hand motions as imposing a danger?

This isn’t about politics anymore, however it might have come about. Either you think it’s an absurd outrage or you think swearing is a crime. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are Republicans, for Christ’s sake. Raise your hand if you watch South Park.

This is about drawing a line in the sand. It made me proud to see people standing up and calling bullshit when bullsh*t needed to be called. All politics aside, people ought to ask themselves, how far should our representatives of “justice” be allowed to go? Do the American people believe in censorship rights for the rich and famous?
I know I didn’t slay the insidious evil that is Ann Coulter, but I did give her pause. She can easily go to another college or hoedown or whatever and spew her tired rhetoric without worrying about me. But I’m not the only one who feels this way. Other people will call her on her sh*t.

And hey, Ann, don’t come back to UT. We’re better than your bullsh*t here. And I can think of at least one jackass here who can dish it out better than you.

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