Our 7th:
Want to talk about being a target in the culture war -
Back in September we had our 5th. Then came the "are you just going to keep having them!!"comments. Or the ever so lovely "are all those yours!?!?!?" But, my favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"
First, the people who think so highly of their idiotic opinions to believe it is worth throwing them at you need a swift kick in the behind. But, in lieu of that, my wife and I have been trying to come up with some great comebacks.
When asked if all the kids are hers (what is so stupid is that there are only 5) my wife responds "yeah, but I had to leave most of them at home." When some idiot asks me if I know "how that happens?" I usually respond "yeah, and I am a master!"
LOLOLOLOL!!
Seriously, though, we have good friends at our church who just had their 5th son in a row; the oldest is only 7 years old. They have reported an unbelievable degree of harrassment when they go out 'in public'.
Or the ever so lovely "are all those yours!?!?!?" But, my favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"
My wife was at the store with 4 or 5 of our 9 children and the clerk asked if they were all her children. She answered "no, the rest are at home."
My favorite is "you don't have a TV do you?"
Our 7th:
My stepdaughter has six. She's only a couple years younger than I am. I never had children, but I freely tell women to enjoy the pregnancy and the birth. It seems so short (to us non-pregnant) women, that nine months of a life-altering experience should be experienced fully.
I'm also a huge fan of breast-feeding (even though I've never done it), and think the whole pregnancy, birthing and post-pregenancy process is such a miracle.
To some, those who don't have children have no right to such opinions, but those are sentiments are usually expressed by women who immediately dump their kids off at day care after six weeks and take pills to dry their milk to they can get back to work. Why bother having children if you are hell-bent on refusing to bond with them.
Flame away, folks. I could care less.
I've heard all of the snide remarks too. I am the oldest of 12 children, and my mother and father never heard the end of it when we were out in public. These "thoughful" comments include the following:
1) You know how that happens, right?
2) Don't you have a television?
3) [to my mother] You're a real "fertile Myrtle", aren't you?
4) Are you just going to keep having them?
5) What, are you trying to beat the Brady Bunch?
6) Are they cheaper by the dozen?
Re: labor, for what it's worth, my mom had always been given the epidural on doctor's orders (and because she didn't know better), until her youngest, when she did an all-natural childbirth. She said that the all-natural childbirth was the easiest one she'd ever had, because (according to her) the pain helped her to know when to push and when to regroup.
My wife and I are now expecting as well (only 7 weeks along), and she wants to try natural childbirth (and breast feeding) as well. I can see the logic in trying to let things proceed naturally, as they were designed, absent an abnormal medical condition or situation.
We fully expect the comments to continue, as we are going against the grain.
My wife and I have six kids, and we love the stares when we go out. On several memorable occasions, when some obliviot made some comment as to the number, we have not only assured them that we were currently expecting another, but also that we both were from a family of ten and were well on our way to that goal.
I was at a Bible study this week, in the home of a super mom who has 5 children which intimidates the heck out of me, mother of 1. But low and behold, she got her comeuppance :) when a young couple (44 yrs. old) came to the study this week who have ELEVEN children. Now that's what I call WOW!!!
Just wanted to say thanks for your post. I'm sure lots of families are targets of the culture war. I know cuz I'm 7th of 10 kids. But believe me, you and your family also provoke envy among many who don't even realize its envy they're feeling. So many grow up unloved and/or ignored for the most part and would have loved to come from a family of 5 like yours. Anyway, congrats on #5!
I have two friends that have five children.
One of the got fixed so she would not have anymore. The other says as long as God keeps giving her gifts she will accept them.
Needless to say, I respect the second on more.
Finally she asked the requisite "Are all these yours?"My friend, "Yes." "Is your husband black?" My friend said, "No."The waitress was really confused, but I guess couldn't figure out any other possibilities, so she just shut up. I told her she should have said, "No, but all these children have different fathers."
I am going to have MY fifth baby in June, and my husband and I often get the same comments, as well. My favorite one-liner for folks who like to ask "Don't you know how that happens?" is to tell them, "Yeah, but we're going to keep trying until we make an ugly one!" That usually shuts them up pretty well, lol!
On the topic at hand...I guess the reason people feel the need to comment about choices in labor management (heh heh, love that phrase) is simply because they just don't understand how or why someone would WANT to feel pain. They misunderstand, imo. It's not so much wanting to feel pain (hey, I ain't nuts! lol), it's -for me, at least-hating the numbing effects of an epidural, or the whacked out feeling you get from other painkillers. It leaves you in a haze, and unable to focus, or in the case of an epidural, you can't feel well enough to push effectively sometimes. Pain can be instructive, imo. I'm skipping the epi this time. :)
Childrearing is a very personal thing, and it seems like sometimes if folks take a different approach than you, it's a commentary (and not a flattering one, oftentimes) on the way you choose to raise your children. It can be really hard on first-timers, since everyone assumes you are just ignorant and can't possibly know what you are doing. Well, it's true, lol, but we all stumble along as best we can. Heck, I still call my mom for advice from time to time! Gobucks, just try to ignore the busybodies...you'll be much happier, even though it's easier said than done, I know.:)
My wife has some of these on one of her t-shirts:
Yes, we have television; we just don't need it!
No, this is not some sort of daycare; it's 24/7!
Why should we fix it if it's not broke?
Yes, we know where they come from...God.
We had planned on two, my spouse just can't count.
Yes, we've heard of birth control; no birth and no control.
You should enjoy our large family; our kids will be paying your social security.
We didn't plan the first few, why start now?
Are we done!?! We're just getting started!
A few months ago, my mom and I were at a restaurant and we thought it was some sort of youth group going out for dinner after their meeting ahead of us in line. Turns out it was one family. We counted ten kids. When we got a glimpse of the side of the mother she was very clearly pregnant with #11. You don't see that everyday.
When some idiot asks me if I know "how that happens?" I usually respond "yeah, and I am a master!"
For a real eye opener, throw in "and the money from the videos is unreal!"