My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

Vanity ^ | 2 Apr 05 | gobucks

[gobucks]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

[.38sw]

So, are you just thanking these people for their advice and concern, and then changing the subject? None of their business, really.

[exnavychick]

Oh, I don't deny Pitocin works...that was the problem, lol! It worked a little TOO well, kwim?

Thanks for your kind thoughts, as I am having our fifth baby in June. :)

[LoudRepublicangirl]

I have obviously hit a nerve and that was not my intention. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.

[wardaddy]

5th?

Excellent....we need more Conservatives having more children into good families in America.

I salute ya!

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

Some of what appears to be an over reaction may be because they see a strong push from the Left to put non traditional methods of childbirth (i.e., in a hospital with an MD and all modern technology at your disposal) with primitive methods of child birth. Some of the midwives I've heard reports on are absolutely frightening. However, I think the modern establishment goes overboard with all the testing and ultra sounds.

I think the safest bet is the old motto about moderation, somewhere in between, like having some of the more important tests and having the delivery at the hospital but without all the meds.

If you went through a lot of trouble getting pregnant, I don't know why you'd take an unnecessary risk having the child born where an emergency C-section could not be performed if, God forbid, it should be necessary.

[exnavychick]

Offering Newbane and having your baby come out "drunk" on it is wrong.

Hmmm...before they could get an anesthesiologist to me with my nine month old, they gave me a shot of Nubain to "tide me over"...if that makes me "wrong" so be it. FWIW, he was squalling up a storm, so I guess that would make him an angry drunk, huh? Geesh. Even though I think that pain in labor can actually be helpful, it can get to a point where it's counter-productive, and you start fighting your own body. If a shot of Nubain will help you to relax and deliver, I don't see the harm in it. Stress like that makes for a longer delivery, which can be even more detrimental to the baby, imo.

[exnavychick]

LOL! Thanks. BTW, they're all boys, including this one. :)

[New Perspective]

Having had a beautiful child in the hospital, not knowing before hand the up coming life threatening difficulties our son would have, have the child in the hospital.

The beauty and the priority is having a health child, not the means of giving birth.

God Bless and keep us up to date.

[sandlady]

Of course the decision to have an epidural or not is ultimately personal. My first two children were born naturally, no meds, and no long-lasting effects.

Having said that, for my third delivery, I elected to have an epidural--not sure why because I was such a "natural childbirth" champion before. Could be that it had been 8 years since the last delivery. Having the epidural let me relax and enjoy the experience--I was actually able to carry on conversations with my husband and the nurses. If we were to have to make a choice now, I would go epidural, no doubt about it.

Don't take offense to busy-bodies. If they didn't care, they wouldn't say anything.

[marylina]

Get used to the "culture war" stuff. It will bombard you and your wife, nonstop. Do what you think is right for your son. Nothing else should matter.

People, often well-meaning relatives, will constantly offer their two cents, often out of guilt associated with their own lives. They don't WANT others to do better than they did. Raising kids is often a pride thing.

Sort of like when you're in high school, and you're trying to stay a "good kid," and the already-fallen kids are trying to assuage their guilt by talking you into doing what they already did! Misery loves company.

IGNORE them, as other posters have pointed out already.

I had two of my three girls totally naturally, much to the shock of the OB nurses, friends, relatives, etc. That shock gave me more courage and energy to do what I did! My decision had far-reaching ramifications, which I won't go into here, but I have thanked God many times over the years for helping me to decide, and do, what I did.

One of my daughters has given birth twice now, both naturally, both with courage and determination, and both with popped eyes viewing and commenting from all sides. I kiss the earth she walks on. She and her husband will be forever thankful and proud, as they experience the benefits of no drugs to baby, as the years unfold.

Same deal with breastfeeding. Decide and do. No "trying." It is best for the baby, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Long-term benefits to both baby and your wife.

We (hubby and I) had to ignore others' comments here, too, and we learned to trust our instincts, and LaLeche League occasionally, if we had questions or concerns. I breastfed until the girls decided it was time to quit. They know when is right! One was almost two; the other a little over twelve months. I let it happen naturally. Shouldn't that be the way it should be, anyway?

I wish you and your wife all the best wishes and happiness in the world. Trust your heart. It's your baby - no one else's.

[Indy Pendance]

My cousin is pregnant with their 10th. 8 girls, one boy, and who knows if the next will be a boy or girl. She has only been to the hospital for one baby due to a complication, all other deliveries were at home with a midwife. You should see the looks they get. And the comments from their own relatives is utterly amazing. I'm pretty much the only supportive relative, if they want a large family, it's their business. Gobucks, tell the busybodies to mind their own business. I had mine all 'natural' because my labors were too fast. I don't regret it, and there is a mothering block that really seems to make any pain during birth irrevalant after. Just keep your options open and do what's right for your wife and child. Use meds, don't, breast feed, don't, it's your family, your choices, good luck. Congratulations!

[exnavychick]

MMy cousin is pregnant with their 10th.

Wow! Congrats to your cousin.

I'm falling behind! LOL

[Indy Pendance]

They're all so happy. I think the oldest might be 14 now. I have a running joke with her, 'the time machine dropped you off in the wrong century'. She loves it.

[wardaddy]

5 boys?

Wow.....I thought I knew all about pre-choolers after 2 girls first....

....then we had two lads back to back.....both Alpha like all the men on my dad's side.

...they wear me out I confess, I think God wanted me to learn something to be honest.

[rabidralph]

Laz-Level? I am deeply touched (in the head). I don't know what to say! Laz is my hero :-)

[rabidralph]

Straight outta Parris!

[riri]

I used Bradley. And I had both children 100 percent naturally. 3 hours for each labor. I exercised throughout my pregnancies and I know that helped with the labor process.

[exnavychick]

LOL! Well, she's a lucky lady, that's for sure. :)

[exnavychick]

LOL! I think boys try to do you in while they are young, and the girls are more trying as they get older. Admittedly, I have no girls myself, but my brothers have only girls (weird and freaky coincidence, ain't it?) so I kind of have a window on that through them. :)

My boys are all little carbon copies of each other, and their father. It's almost scary! I had the middle two back to back, and now these last two are back to back as well, so I can feel your pain. I know what you mean about how tiring they are. Thankfully, they are so charming that I can forgive them easily,lol. :) They have certainly taught me a lot, though.

[Preech1]

We had midwives for our last 4 children (all home births as well) and this next child (number 6 ) due in late July will be a home birth with a midwife as well...Wait until you have more than 3 and start getting the comments like "Don't you know about birth control?" or..."About time you kept it zipped up..." Or even..."Do you know what keeps causing that?" It's even worse to get it from family members...