Need Help From Freeper Females (vanity)

Some of the guys and I are presently at the camping lodge and we’ve got a problem that requires the help of a sensible woman. My brother-in-law managed to get something in his hair this morning, and he wanted to wash it out. I can’t tell you what that something was, because he’s refused to divulge that to us thus far (I suspect that he fabricated the “tainted hair” theory to save himself some embarrassment.)

My brother-in-law believes that his wife has, at some point, told him that peanut butter is a useful household hair cleaner / conditioner. His wife animately denied ever saying anything about peanut butter, and thinks that he must have confused it with mayonnaise. Anyway, this guy has gone from a docile gentlemen to a ranting idiot and he’s now in a state of full blown panic.

Please provide us with any suggestions that you may have for removing peanut butter from hair. If possible, we’d like to know of any “home remedies” that may work – we’re in a fairly remote location and nobody is willing to go to the store. Besides looking ridiculous, he smells horrible. Here’s what we’ve tried so far:

A) Tried to “melt” it away by pouring very hot water over his head. This basically resulted in mild burns to his neck and scalp.
B) Made a makeshift shower cap out of a Wal-Mart bag, taped it around his head to make it watertight, and poured beer in a small hole at the top. He let it soak for about an hour to no avail.

Anything that you can suggest would be most appreciated.

Jaysun

You know, we have not found any more snakes in the house, nor were we were able to determine with 100% certainty where that snake actually came from...although I have a fairly good guess.

My husband had taken the children camping that weekend. When this snake business, and hence my frantic post, was written they had been back home for just a couple of hours.

We finally figured that when the kids were rolling sleeping bags, folding blankets and packing their backpacks to come home, the little nightmare was accidently rolled, folded or packed up, and came home with everything else.

Uh...crap.
I am SO not relaxed and ready to go to bed like I was before reading and seeing those snake pictures...

Let me start by saying that I had no idea that this post would receive this kind of attention. After reading some of the replies (a haven’t had time to make it past the first 100 yet) I’m glad to see that you guys find this just as funny and bizarre as we do. I think that you’ll find the end result to be worth your wait.

As of my last reply, my brothr-in-law was letting lemon juice soak into his hair. He agreed to tell the full story if my final suggestion worked. I revealed the ultimate cure (liquid soap – dawn) to him. He was nervous that we might not have enough soap so he asked if there was anything else. He looked over the coffee table full of possible cures and grabbed some hydrogen peroxide.

After soaking himself in hydrogen peroxide he grabbed the dawn and went to the bathroom. We continued with our card game and left it at that. Later, we heard him scurry off to his room so we yelled for him to come show us if it worked. He wouldn’t come out so one of the guys went in to retrieve him. All of the sudden we hear him start giggling and he yelled, “His damned hair is orange!” We haven’t figured out whether it was the lemon juice or the hydrogen peroxide, but his dark brown hair was now a weird pumpkin color. His hair was also amazingly frizzy. I assume that the frizzy effect was from all of the chemicals, I'm not sure, but it looked like orange cotton candy.

The good thing was that the peanut butter was gone. I demanded that he come out and spill his guts about what started this whole thing. He says that the truth about why he put peanut butter in his hair had nothing to do with trying to remove anything. He said that he had run out of ‘goop’ and figured that he could substitute the peanut butter. He planned to put in the peanut butter, wash away the smell and most of the excess, and still have enough ‘stickiness’ left to effectively hold his comb over in place.

As one of my buddies quickly pointed out, what’s the point? First, we’re all men here. Second, his usual comb over wasn’t fooling anybody anyway. To steal a line from Dennis Miller, he wore sideburns that I haven’t seen since TBS ran Play Misty For Me, topped with a comb over that looked like it had been done by a spider on Xanax. Nevertheless, he used peanut butter to facilitate his comb over, and he was too embarrassed to tell us about it when it didn’t work out. Basically, he went metro-sexual on us and it bit him in the ass.

Here comes the best part. We finally ridiculed his orange hair and fed him beer to the point that he agreed to simply shave it off. After all of this work, we shaved it off. He’s now laying in bed and refuses to speak to any of us. He’s furious. Not because his hair turned orange. Not because we talked him into shaving his head. Not because we dumped Brute 33 on his bleeding scalp after we were done. Not because his head is a hideous lumpy white spectacle. No, he’s mad because of an innocent suggestion that one of the guys made. My thoughtful friend suggested that he simply dye it dark again with one of those women’s hair coloring kits. Of course, that suggestion wasn't made until we’d already knocked off all of my brother-in-law's hair.

Thanks for riding this out us. Let me know if you'd like to get on a one time ping list for the pictures. I’m going back to my poker game.

Jaysun

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