Posted on 03/03/2026 1:03:06 PM PST by V_TWIN
TEHRAN — The Iranian government has officially announced a successor to Ayatollah Khamenei, introducing today the new Supreme Ayatollah, Tucker Carlson.
Ayatollah Carlson will immediately take the helm as the foremost political leader for the longstanding Muslim theocratic dictatorship.
"All bow before Ayatollah Carlson. Praise Allah!" cried Iranian government officials as Ayatollah Carlson took the stage. "Truly, Allah has chosen Ayatollah Carlson to end the scourge of infidel Christians in our land once and for all. No one loves jihad more than he. Praise Allah!"
In his opening address, Ayatollah Carlson confirmed that he will continue the hard-line Islamic extremism of his predecessor. "I inherited such clean public transportation and well-stocked supermarkets from my predecessor," said Carlson. "Rest assured, if I too must kill 32,000 civilians to keep it that way, I will not hesitate. In order to keep this nation so peaceful and tranquil, we will conduct the most terrible jihad the world has ever seen."
At publishing time, Ayatollah Carlson had introduced his new Hezbollah liaison, Megyn Kelly.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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Nice, no untruths detected.
For a second I thought it would be Rubio.
Rubio...Has so much on his shoulders already...He’s been quite amazing.
“The name’s Tucker, not ___________.”
LOL! Perfect. The Bee nails it once again! :)
Ayatollahs have a shorter lifespan than a Spinal Tap drummer.
Ha haaaaaas! Who’s his Vice-Ayatollah? Hopefully Megyn al-Kellymeini.
LOL
Rubio has to keep some time open to be Viceroy of Mars when Musk finally lands there.
He’s the new Shah.
The Bee really REALLY knocks it out of the park with this one!
Yep...a lot of us saw this coming...
Will he be doing the insane cackle when leading Friday prayers?
Same.
..and his wife Megansoureh Khellehzadeh
Rubio is on deck to be the next Shah.
“police said better to just leave this one unsolved”
He could be both, and cover all the bases.
He could be the Ayatollahshah!
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