10 Ways To Come Out As A Conservative To Your Liberal Parents

The Bee ^ | Feb 4, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

Our current society can have trouble showing acceptance — especially to conservatives. If you're a young conservative who has kept your political views a secret from your family, knowing how to tell your parents can be difficult.

The Babylon Bee is here to help you closeted folks with the following list of ways to come out as a conservative to your liberal parents:

1. Go on a date with someone of the opposite sex: Seeing blatant displays of heterosexuality will make it obvious to them.

2. Get a job: Another child lost to capitalism.

3. Put up a "Fat JD Vance" poster in your bedroom: He's so adorable, that chunk.

4. Take a shower: Any regard for hygiene will communicate the truth.

5. Start wearing a "Don't Tread On Me" flag like a cape around the house: Subtle, but effective.

6. Call ICE and have your mom and dad deported: A bit harsh, but they'll get the message.

7. Gently break the news to them that you're going to stay a boy: Tough break, mom and dad.

8. Move out of the basement: Only a conservative desires to be a productive member of society.

9. Slowly set a medium-rare ribeye down on the plate of salad mom just served: RFK would be so proud.

10. Douse them with an unknown chemical, put nooses around their necks, and shout, "This is MAGA country!": You wouldn't be the first, right?

Sooner or later, they'll get the message. It might be tough at first, but you'll finally get to live your life the way you were born to be.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; comingout; conservative; satire

[dayglored]

#7 is intended for sons, modify as needed for daughters.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Get a job: Another child lost to capitalism.

An actual job supplying a good or service. Preferable a good.

A job with a NGO or Non-Profit does not count.

Neither does any job where you are a bureaucrat.

[dayglored]

> Neither does any job where you are a bureaucrat.

I believe the technical term for such a position is "SINECURE".

[CodeToad]

11. After coming home from your job, ask them when they are getting jobs.

12. Hide their pot pipe until they clean their room.

[where's_the_Outrage?]

While off meme I really like this motivational meme:

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

And if you have a "sinecure" I regard you as "sinister". :)

[cowboyusa]

I DID. My late Mom called me Alex, as in Family Ties. 😆

[Opinionated Blowhard]

My late Mom called me Alex, as in Family Ties

Alex did some good when he came out to his father as conservative. Gradually, Steve became a gun toting Republican.

[SaxxonWoods]

Mom asked me why I had become a conservative, I answered:

“15 years of relentless exposure to reality.”

[Disambiguator]

I always thought that was the term for trimming nose hairs.

/s

[metmom]

Get married to someone of the opposite sex.

DON’T have an abortion but plan on carrying the baby to term.

Leave your hair its natural color.

[redinIllinois]

Ha!

Thanks for posting.

[dayglored]

>> I always thought that was the term for trimming nose hairs. /s

It's related. Folks in sinecures typically spend their "work" day trimming their nose hairs. And cleaning their ears, polishing their fingernails, etc.

[DugwayDuke]

#11 Remove your nose ring.
#12 Stop with the ear rings.