Parenting Tip: Limit Your Child To Just 4 Hours Of Brain Rot Slop Each Day

The Bee ^ | Jan 6, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

U.S. — Experts are now recommending parents limit their children to just four hours of brain-rotting slop each day to better prepare them for the future.

Pediatricians are encouraging parents to limit the time their kids spend staring blankly at putrid, worthless garbage on a tablet or phone screen.

"Children are our future, and our future is looking very dim," said Dr. Heinlen Reynolds of the AAP. "That's why it's imperative you cut out the brain rot they consume by at least half. Limit it to 3 or 4 hours, tops. But don't worry, no one expects you to deprive little Timmy of AI-generated Skibidi Toilet videos."

"That would be ridiculous."

Other experts expressed concern that limiting a child's exposure to brain-rot will require more parents to also stop consuming brain-rot and pay attention to their kids. "We're not sure if something like that is even possible," said one expert.

At publishing time, the CDC warned that even four hours of brain-rotting slop was far too much, but the director of the AAP told them to mind their own business before shouting, "67!"

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: aislop; babylonbee; brainrot; doomscrolling; satire

[dayglored]

"Children are our future, and our future is looking very dim."

[BenLurkin]

Four hours is too much.

Humanity needs to pull the plug on the internet.

[Jamestown1630]

Does that include FR? You seem to be here most days and haven’t ‘pulled the plug’...

[toddausauras]

Can’t imagine raising kids in this AI toilet world of today.

[SunkenCiv]

My parents have really dropped the ball on this since they passed.

[BenLurkin]

I’ll sign up for the FR newsletter. They’ll be cranked out on a mimeograph machine.

8^)

But yeah, seriously, I get WAY too much screen time myself.

Got addicted to FreeRepublic in the late 90s and was never able to shake it. Still can’t.

[dayglored]

> Does that include FR? You seem to be here most days and haven’t ‘pulled the plug’...

FreeRepublic doesn't count. :-) Seriously, its 1990's style is the antithesis of the modern internet, which is exactly why we like it.

If we could just eliminate the extremely addictive TikTok-style shorts, reels, etc., and the more obnoxious social media sites, that would go a long way towards sanity.

The internet itself isn't the problem. The proliferation of addictive bullsh*t is the problem.

FR isn't addictive. I can quit any time.... :-)

[kvanbrunt2]

My nieces two kids go to a school that forbids phones even in the home. i’m not sure until what age.

[null and void]

Does this mean they should be pulled from pubic school at the 4 hour mark each day?

[Carry_Okie]

Not more than thirty minutes.

[null and void]

Got addicted to FreeRepublic in the late 90s and was never able to shake it. Still can’t.

You were warned.

[dayglored]

Suggestion to parents:

If your home WiFi allows for a second named SSID (WiFi channel you connect devices to), you can do the following:

1. On the WiFi/router, define a second SSID/channel for the kid devices to use.
2. Give the kid channel its own WPA2 password for connection.
3. Disconnect the kid devices from the main SSID, connect them to the second one.
4. Change the WPA2 password on the main SSID to something else and don't tell it to the kid(s).

This gives you some useful capabilities:

1. The kid devices are not on the same network as yours, which limits the damage when they connect to some dodgy website and download malware.
2. You can disable/switch-off their SSID without affecting yours. It may even be possible to set time limits on when their SSID is enabled, depending on the WiFi/router.

Downsides to the above:

1. Whining and crying when their SSID is off. (Too bad, kiddo.)
2. They may seek out alternative WiFi access points, like your neighbor's. Hopefully your neighbor uses WPA2 encryption with a non-default password.

[Jamestown1630]

'FR isn't addictive. I can quit any time.... :-

LOL

I'm addicted to numerous things on the Internet, and I love it; but I ignore the bullshit.

[No name given]

Good for them.

[NorthMountain]

Whining and crying when their SSID is off. (Too bad, kiddo.)

Indeed. Children will whine and cry about anything until they learn that whining and crying don't work.

Not everyone learns that ... leftist protesters exemplify the "never learned" condition.

[dayglored]

Addendum to my post above about WiFi:

If instead of WiFi, your kid's device has a cell radio (e.g. it's a phone), and they're on your cell plan, take them off "cell data" and put them on a limited plan with no option to add data minutes when they run out. Most plans can separate phone call minutes from cell data minutes (you don't want to limit their phone call minutes, who knows when they might actually need to call you).

[Honorary Serb]

Better yet, expose your children to brain-building stuff!

Art, classical music, reading, science, Christian materials, good and age-appropriate movies on the Internet!

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

I quit FR two, three, sometimes four times a day.

[dayglored]

Second addendum to my post above (#12) about WiFi.

If your kid is tech-savvy (and many above about age 6 are these days), they may try the following:

KIDS! STOP reading here! Do NOT read the following!

1. Obtain a cheap WiFi router (~$30 at BestBuy or trade for some pot with Vinnie on the playground) and an Ethernet cable.
2. Configure it to not broadcast its SSID (so the parents won't know it's there).
3. Locate the new WiFi near the main house WiFi, but hidden.
4. Using the Ethernet cable, connect the WAN port of your new WiFi to a LAN port on the main WiFi.
5. Voila! Your very own stealth WiFi.

Tech-savvy kids are a terror on roller-skates. Trust me, I know this personally. :-)

[suthener]

My sister watches Stranger Things with her 10 year old grand daughter. My sister says the granddaughter pays no attention to the forced interracial and homosexual content. I tried to explain to her that the little girl’s 10 year old brain was lapping that crap up as being normal and that she (my sister) was already brainwashed to think otherwise. My sister was not happy.