10 Other Commandments That Didn't Make The Cut

The Bee ^ | Nov 13, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The Ten Commandments have long been seen as the backbone of societal laws for thousands of years, but did you know that there were other commandments that didn't make the list?

The Babylon Bee consulted with dozens of scholars to uncover the following list of commandments that ended up on the cutting room floor:

1. Remember the sabbath day by wearing your favorite NFL team's jersey to church: Unless it's the Cowboys, for that is sin.

2. Thou shalt install the toilet paper roll with the end of the paper coming out from under, not over, for over is a perversion in the sight of the Lord: You shall not put the paper over the top, as the nations that lived in the land before you did.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's board game collection: Neither shall you covet his Lego Millennium Falcon.

4. Honor thy father and mother as long as they aren't being super lame: Because, like, whatever.

5. Thou shalt not drive slowly in the left-hand lane, for this is an abomination to the Lord: By the testimony of two or three witnesses shall they be executed.

6. Thou shalt never schedule a meeting that could have been an email: If you schedule an unnecessary meeting, the land shall become a desolate waste.

7. Any man who puts pineapple on his pizza shall be cut off from among his people: His blood shall be on his own hands.

8. Thou shalt not discuss your time spent at the gym, for there is no one in the land who cares about your gains: Verily, verily.

9. Thou shalt just publish the recipe and not your entire life story: Woe to the man or woman who causes his brother or sister to scroll endlessly.

10. Thou shalt not bear false witness unless your lies make you the most popular podcaster in the world: Even though you may not know know... you just know.

They may not have made the final cut, but there's no denying their importance. Violate the commandments above at your own risk.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; commandments; satire

[Texas Eagle]

10. Thou shalt not bear false witness unless your lies make you the most popular podcaster in the world: Even though you may not know know... you just know.

Whoaaaaaa. That sounds awfully specific.

[Seruzawa]

About time someone did something about these neverending recipe posts.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

... and at that time Moses came down from the mountain and said unto the people, “Good news and bad.”

“Tell us the Good News!”, the peopled demanded of Moses.

“I negotiated it down to ten!”, Moses proclaimed.

“Tell us the Bad News!”

“Six is still in.”

[farm_kid]

“Wait, what!? Toilet paper dispensing from under? Blasphemer! The only reason to do that is if you have a cat in the house.

Amen?”

Amen squared.

[hoosierham]

A cat will surely unroll the paper...and shred it!

[woodbutcher1963]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I48hr8HhDv0

“Mel Brooks History of the World Part 1”

The Lord has given me these 15 commandments

[Texas Eagle]

Amen, brother! Except when they’re all curled up and napping on your lap.

[TLI]

I was going to post that myself!

Too much fun, I usually watch it 2-3 times!

.

[dayglored]

Mel Brooks / Moses: "The Lord has given me these 15 commandments!"

That's it!!

[dayglored]

> Wait, what!? Toilet paper dispensing from under? Blasphemer! The only reason to do that is if you have a cat in the house. Amen?

I've always installed it over the top. Down from under is an abomination. I've also always had cats.

Only one figured out how to unroll it, and I actually was able to get him to stop doing it. All the other cats, in over 60+ years, never bothered to make a mess. Not that they didn't investigate it -- they did. But for whatever reason, after they figured out how it worked, they weren't inclined to unroll the whole thing.

[Texas Eagle]

Verily, I say unto you, cats are easily bored. But still!

[Retain Mike]

Correct. Never had any pets. Our younger son has a cat along with two daughters and two dogs, but he is a former Marine.

[fidelis]

[Billthedrill]

Now just a dang minute. The prerogative of driving ten miles an hour under the speed limit in the fast lane with yer blinker on is a sacred privilege of getting old. You’re too deef to hear the horns and you know people approve because they keep giving you a hand signal that means “You’re number one!” If they didn’t approve they wouldn’t be applauding.

[lastchance]

Yes, you put it on the top of the toilet tank. Saves having to write out instructions over and over again for replacing it in the holder.

[lastchance]

Amen!