Posted on 10/19/2025 11:04:48 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
ATHENS — Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, "This is bagel country!"
Thunberg stated the assailants wore masks to hide their identity, but had on giant shtreimels and kept shouting "Oy vey" to intimidate her.
"I literally thought I was going to die," said Thunberg. "They threw bagels at me and shouted 'Take that, gentile!' The bagels even had schmear. And then they smacked me in the face with a pastrami sandwich and said 'This is kosher country!'"
Israel has denied the accusations, stating that no bagels were thrown at Thunberg while she was processed for deportation. "That does sound really fun, but no, we did not pelt her with bagels," said IDF spokesman Benjamin Aaronson. "Every time we gave her food, she just shouted 'How dare you!' and went back to combing her hair. We also graciously offered her barber services free of charge, but she declined. No pastrami sandwiches were used for violence either."
At publishing time, Thunberg had also accused Israel of putting her on a chair and lifting her up and down while dancing in circles around her.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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Then the Bedbugs impregnated her
Another day, another sample of the Bee’s brilliant writing!
Dang hummus-eaters!
Israel saved their lives , they had Zero Aid so they were going to be Hostages
Beatles, shmeatles, we rock. 🎶🎶
Yeh, sure! 😆
noose sounds like a good idea in this case
The Israelis should have kept her loxed her up.
I was surprised it wasn’t a leash
Maybe they put a bagel around her neck and shouted Moose
I think I would be okay with a pastrami sandwich pushed into my face.
Had me going for a bit...
Kinda sounded like Thunberg.
They did not put a noose on her head. At her request, they gave her a nose ring.
No kidding. Plus, the bonus of some Freeper comments being quite the contenders.
i’ve said it before... all gretta needs to do to repair and replenish her reputation is find herself a black boyfriend that stands at least a foot taller than her. she will then become the poster girl for the left again without fail!!
The so-called Israelis who put a noose on her and shouted "This is bagel country" turned out to be two brothers from Africa who previously worked for Jussie Smollett
They should have locked her up.
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