11 Statements That Are Not Protected By The First Amendment

The Bee ^ | May 21, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The First Amendment protects most forms of speech. But did you know that there are certain things even the Constitution does not allow? It's true. Here are 11 statements that can get you in trouble with the law:

1. "I disagree with the government." - The First Amendment was not designed to protect speech criticizing our omnipotent rulers.

2. "The government lied to us." - No, they didn't, and you are going to jail.

3. "I kind of enjoy the Disney Star Wars films." - This can actually get you deported, believe it or not.

4. "Baseball is boring." - The Constitution does not protect this kind of un-American hate speech.

5. "Ohio is a real place." - The Constitution does not protect this kind of misinformation.

6. "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants." - The Founding Fathers never intended the Bill of Rights to protect this kind of extremist speech.

7. "Story time!" - If you start your TikTok with "story time," you should be in jail.

8. "Arrested Development is overrated." - James Madison was actually a huge AD fan and explicitly excluded this statement from First Amendment protections. We don't know what you expected.

9. "I agree with some things the president does and disagree with other things he does." - The Constitution does not protect nuance or intellectual consistency.

10. "That's so cheugy, not bussin', low-key no cap." - Gen Z was not alive when the Constitution was written, so the Founders could not have known that there would be such a terrifying assault on free speech.

11. "I do not have the right to speak freely." - This creates a paradox which could cause a resonance cascade scenario that rips interdimensional holes in the space-time continuum. So while technically not illegal, it's ill-advised.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; firstamendment; freespeech; satire

[dayglored]

Wait, "The Last Jedi" wasn't a good movie? Who knew?

[dfwgator]

You have the right to free speech
As long as you’re not
Dumb enough to actually try it

-The Clash (Know Your Rights)

[Red Badger]

12. “Does this dress make me look fat?”......................

[dayglored]

“Yes, you have freedom of speech. But no, you do NOT have freedom from the consequences of exercising your right of free speech.”

[dayglored]

No kidding. That’s right out.

[null and void]

No, Dear, your huge butt makes you look fat!

[alancarp]

"12. “Does this dress make me look fat?”......................"

No, it's the ANSWER to that one which gets you in trouble. Also, you aren't allowed to rest on the 5th amendment when answering this question. You are compelled to give a response.

[Red Badger]

LOL!.............

[Red Badger]

Sleep on the couch for a few weeks...............

[Tell It Right]

Dear, I’m glad to be married to someone I’m sure would be a survivor in the next food shortage.

[glennaro]

Just wondering: What retard left “retarded” off the list?

[Hyman Roth]

I took my sons to see Last Jedi when it first came out. AWFUL!!!!

[kosciusko51]

“Do YOU think it makes you look fat?”

[NorthMountain]

Mrs. Mountain learned a long time ago: questions like that get an honest answer along with “If you didn’t think there was a problem, you wouldn’t have asked.”

Attention young gentlemen: Do not tolerate mind-games and loaded questions from your lady-friends. Ladies who treat their boyfriends or fiancés contemptuously will be absolute hellions to their husbands.

[dfwgator]

And a guy can never say “Whatever!” to a woman, that will get them really angry at you.

[Dacula]

#5 - Ohio is the only state that is round on the outside and HI in the middle.

[dangus]

Colorado is round on the outside, but LO near the middle. It’s also pretty RAD in the middle.

[Dacula]

+1

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Colorado is round on the outside, but LO near the middle. It’s also pretty RAD in the middle.

[dayglored]

[dfwgator]

LOL!