Posted on 03/12/2025 9:58:29 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
WASHINGTON, DC — Layoffs at the Department of Education were delayed yesterday after administrators could not calculate how many employees fifty percent would be.
"We got an order from the President to cut our employment numbers by fifty percent, but how in the world would you calculate that? Do you like, times something?" DOE employee Kaitlyn Miller told the press. "Maybe you divide, or even square root something. We really don't know how to proceed. I wish there were some sort of department of fractions."
Employees spent the better part of the day attempting to count up the number of employees. Several strategies were employed, including having all of the employees line up in a row and attempting to add them up one by one. However, administrators lost count several times, resulting in hours of setbacks.
"What is fifty percent? Sounds a bit fascist, if you ask me," Miller said. "Perhaps we should try counting by fifties. Someone really should have given us more guidance on this."
At publishing time, employees had found themselves unable to leave the building as none of them could read the word "Exit" on the signs by the doors.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
LOL!!
We would be much better off if we replaced the Department of Education with Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. (seriously; not satire)
Can’t do percentages with common core math
Perfect! And so true.
Brilliant! They have geniuses working at the Bee!
Ran out of fingers.
BB is great!I always have to do a double take on some of the headlines on FR. They’re closer to the truth then you know.
The Bee darned near got me on that one!!
Well, math is hard. Fifty percent of 100 is 50, but 50 percent of any other number is not. How are they supposed to know?
>>At publishing time, employees had found themselves unable to leave the building as none of them could read the word “Exit” on the signs by the doors.
I’m surprised they weren’t triggered by the obvious White supremacy of signs written in Latin.
They can’t do basic math.
Well done Bee.
Huh? Of course you can! Here is the Common Core-Style solution to a common problem. It's very simple!
Jasmine has 3/4 of a pizza left. She wants to share it equally with her 2 friends. How much pizza does each friend get?What could possibly be simpler?1. Understand the problem using a number line and visual decomposition:
➣ First, draw a number line from 0 to 1 to represent the whole pizza.
➣ Divide the number line into 4 equal parts because the pizza is divided into quarters.
➣ Shade 3 of the 4 parts to represent 3/4 of the pizza.2. Decompose the fraction into smaller parts:
➣ Each 1/4 of the pizza can be further broken down into smaller units to make sharing easier.
➣ Decide to break each 1/4 into 2 equal parts, so each 1/4 becomes 2/8.
➣ Now, 3/4 = (2/8 + 2/8 + 2/8) = 6/8.3. Distribute the pizza using the decomposed fraction:
➣ There are 3 people total (Jasmine + 2 friends).
➣ Divide the 6/8 of the pizza equally among 3 people.
➣ To do this, use a partitive division model: 6/8 ÷ 3 = (6/8) × (1/3).
➣ Perform the fraction multiplication: (6/8) × (1/3) = 6/24.3. Simplify the result:
➣ Simplify 6/24 by dividing the numerator and denominator by 6: 6/24 = 1/4.
➣ So, each person gets 1/4 of the pizza.4. Check the answer using a visual model:
➣ Draw a circle to represent the pizza.
➣ Divide the circle into 4 equal parts.
➣ Shade 3 parts to represent 3/4.
➣ Now, divide each of the 3 shaded parts into 3 smaller sections (to distribute among 3 people).
➣ Each person gets 1 small section from each of the 3 shaded parts, confirming that each person gets 1/4.
Oh my , numbers are hard ,LOL
50% EEK EEK
Is that how many gone, or how many left????
Now you've gone and done it!
Use the New Math and common core to help!
➣ So, each person gets 1/4 of the pizza.
= = =
1/4 of the original pizza, or 1/4 of the remaining pizza on the plate?
As written, should be 1/4 of the 3/4 pizza left.
Hey, we are dealing with eating pizza! Better be correct and I wany my proper share.
I once applied for a substitute teacher position in the California public schools. I was required to take the CBEST exam, which I aced. But apparently the exam was too difficult for many college graduates with education degrees. There was talk of removing the requirement, especially the math questions.
It’s funny because it’s true.
A teacher said she had a trick question for me:
“What’s 3-20?”
I said -17.
She said “Ah ha! I got you.”
“Huh?”
“You can’t have minus numbers!”
True story.
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