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Layoffs Delayed As Dept. Of Education Unable To Calculate What Fifty Percent Of Employees Would Be
Babylon Bee ^ | March 12, 2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/12/2025 9:58:29 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom

WASHINGTON, DC — Layoffs at the Department of Education were delayed yesterday after administrators could not calculate how many employees fifty percent would be.

"We got an order from the President to cut our employment numbers by fifty percent, but how in the world would you calculate that? Do you like, times something?" DOE employee Kaitlyn Miller told the press. "Maybe you divide, or even square root something. We really don't know how to proceed. I wish there were some sort of department of fractions."

Employees spent the better part of the day attempting to count up the number of employees. Several strategies were employed, including having all of the employees line up in a row and attempting to add them up one by one. However, administrators lost count several times, resulting in hours of setbacks.

"What is fifty percent? Sounds a bit fascist, if you ask me," Miller said. "Perhaps we should try counting by fifties. Someone really should have given us more guidance on this."

At publishing time, employees had found themselves unable to leave the building as none of them could read the word "Exit" on the signs by the doors.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylon; babylonbee; bee; deptofed
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OMG, this is the funniest thing I've read in WEEKS!! Is it humor? Or plain, unvarnished truth? I cannot decide.
1 posted on 03/12/2025 9:58:29 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

LOL!!

We would be much better off if we replaced the Department of Education with Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. (seriously; not satire)


2 posted on 03/12/2025 10:01:38 AM PDT by Engraved-on-His-hands
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Can’t do percentages with common core math


3 posted on 03/12/2025 10:01:47 AM PDT by KobraKai
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Perfect! And so true.


4 posted on 03/12/2025 10:02:35 AM PDT by Whatever Works (The real power lies in who counts the votes and controls the teleprompter.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Brilliant! They have geniuses working at the Bee!


5 posted on 03/12/2025 10:02:39 AM PDT by rlmorel ("A people that elect corrupt politicians are not victims...but accomplices." George Orwell)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Ran out of fingers.


6 posted on 03/12/2025 10:02:44 AM PDT by READINABLUESTATE (‘Never trust a man whose uncle was eaten by cannibals’)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

BB is great!I always have to do a double take on some of the headlines on FR. They’re closer to the truth then you know.


7 posted on 03/12/2025 10:03:16 AM PDT by Mean Daddy
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

The Bee darned near got me on that one!!


8 posted on 03/12/2025 10:04:34 AM PDT by Mathews (I have faith Malachi is right!!! Any day now...)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Well, math is hard. Fifty percent of 100 is 50, but 50 percent of any other number is not. How are they supposed to know?


9 posted on 03/12/2025 10:08:17 AM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

>>At publishing time, employees had found themselves unable to leave the building as none of them could read the word “Exit” on the signs by the doors.

I’m surprised they weren’t triggered by the obvious White supremacy of signs written in Latin.


10 posted on 03/12/2025 10:10:15 AM PDT by vikingd00d (chown -R us ~you/base)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

They can’t do basic math.


11 posted on 03/12/2025 10:10:20 AM PDT by DallasBiff (Apology not accepted.la is not the sharpest knife in the drawer)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Well done Bee.


12 posted on 03/12/2025 10:10:28 AM PDT by stevio (Fight until you die!)
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To: KobraKai
"Can’t do percentages with common core math"

Huh? Of course you can! Here is the Common Core-Style solution to a common problem. It's very simple!

Jasmine has 3/4 of a pizza left. She wants to share it equally with her 2 friends. How much pizza does each friend get?

1. Understand the problem using a number line and visual decomposition:
➣ First, draw a number line from 0 to 1 to represent the whole pizza.
➣ Divide the number line into 4 equal parts because the pizza is divided into quarters.
➣ Shade 3 of the 4 parts to represent 3/4 of the pizza.

2. Decompose the fraction into smaller parts:
➣ Each 1/4 of the pizza can be further broken down into smaller units to make sharing easier.
➣ Decide to break each 1/4 into 2 equal parts, so each 1/4 becomes 2/8.
➣ Now, 3/4 = (2/8 + 2/8 + 2/8) = 6/8.

3. Distribute the pizza using the decomposed fraction:
➣ There are 3 people total (Jasmine + 2 friends).
➣ Divide the 6/8 of the pizza equally among 3 people.
➣ To do this, use a partitive division model: 6/8 ÷ 3 = (6/8) × (1/3).
➣ Perform the fraction multiplication: (6/8) × (1/3) = 6/24.

3. Simplify the result:
➣ Simplify 6/24 by dividing the numerator and denominator by 6: 6/24 = 1/4.
➣ So, each person gets 1/4 of the pizza.

4. Check the answer using a visual model:
➣ Draw a circle to represent the pizza.
➣ Divide the circle into 4 equal parts.
➣ Shade 3 parts to represent 3/4.
➣ Now, divide each of the 3 shaded parts into 3 smaller sections (to distribute among 3 people).
➣ Each person gets 1 small section from each of the 3 shaded parts, confirming that each person gets 1/4.

What could possibly be simpler?
13 posted on 03/12/2025 10:10:49 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom (Democrats who say ‘no one is above the law’ won’t mind going to prison for the money they stole)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Oh my , numbers are hard ,LOL


14 posted on 03/12/2025 10:11:03 AM PDT by butlerweave
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

50% EEK EEK

Is that how many gone, or how many left????


15 posted on 03/12/2025 10:15:24 AM PDT by Scrambler Bob (Running Rampant, and not endorsing nonsense; My pronoun is EXIT. And I am generally full of /S)
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To: Scrambler Bob
"Is that how many gone, or how many left?"

Now you've gone and done it!


16 posted on 03/12/2025 10:16:43 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom (Democrats who say ‘no one is above the law’ won’t mind going to prison for the money they stole)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Use the New Math and common core to help!


17 posted on 03/12/2025 10:17:45 AM PDT by griffin (When you have to shoot, SHOOT; don't talk. -Tuco)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

➣ So, each person gets 1/4 of the pizza.
= = =

1/4 of the original pizza, or 1/4 of the remaining pizza on the plate?

As written, should be 1/4 of the 3/4 pizza left.

Hey, we are dealing with eating pizza! Better be correct and I wany my proper share.


18 posted on 03/12/2025 10:18:34 AM PDT by Scrambler Bob (Running Rampant, and not endorsing nonsense; My pronoun is EXIT. And I am generally full of /S)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

I once applied for a substitute teacher position in the California public schools. I was required to take the CBEST exam, which I aced. But apparently the exam was too difficult for many college graduates with education degrees. There was talk of removing the requirement, especially the math questions.


19 posted on 03/12/2025 10:18:56 AM PDT by Huskrrrr (Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

It’s funny because it’s true.

A teacher said she had a trick question for me:

“What’s 3-20?”

I said -17.

She said “Ah ha! I got you.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t have minus numbers!”

True story.


20 posted on 03/12/2025 10:19:20 AM PDT by packagingguy
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