Obama To Divorce Michelle After Discovering She’s Actually A Woman

The Bee ^ | Jan 16, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

MARTHA'S VINEYARD — According to sources, Barack Obama has filed for divorce from his wife Michelle after discovering she is actually a woman.

"I've been wrong...so wrong," the former president confessed to a few close friends soon after his realization. "I mean, it's a little embarrassing to realize that I've been thinking Michelle's name was 'Michael' this whole time, but what's worse is that she's not actually one of the ga — excuse me, one of the guys, like us. I can't believe I actually fell for a woman."

Reports from the Obama household had previously indicated that the pair were experiencing some conflicts, but the new revelation has brought matters to a head.

"And all this time, I thought Michelle was just like me," Barack Obama complained bitterly. "Just...like...me. Ugh."

While the couple have shared intensely similar views on life, politics, and Kwanzaa traditions for over 30 years, Barack Obama has remained resolute in his decision to divorce Michelle Obama for her "irreconcilable differences."

At publishing time, Barack Obama had texted Tim Walz and Doug Emhoff to see if either of them was interested in coming over to his mansion "for a few drinks and just chillin'."

[bitt]

and there’s this:

https://www.newsbreak.com/radaronline-561399/3765412696745-michelle-and-barack-obama-now-just-friends-amid-crumbling-brand-marriage-after-couple-was-hit-by-wild-jennifer-aniston-rumors

[spokeshave]

LOL I can’t believe the Bee said what we’ve all been thinking.

Many a true word spoken in just.

[DPMD]

Prepare for her furious reaction at being “misgendered.”

[faithhopecharity]

he was able to figure it out?

[SMARTY]

Ha! Even HE can’t stand her

[dayglored]

> Sheila Miyoshi Jager – an ex-girlfriend who Obama whom he came close to marrying before he met Michelle — in a 2017 biography of Obama by the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer David Garrow. She revealed they'd kept up an intimate, if occasional, relationship between 1991 and 1992, when he had been with Michelle for a couple of years. Jager told Garrow: "I always felt bad about it."

OMG ... Barry was a womanizer??? Well that certainly disqualifies him for public office!!

Oh, wait....

[Carriage Hill]

LOL!

[Colt1851Navy]

Have any of Obama’s hired help drowned lately? Lloyd Bridges might be in danger around Obama Island.

[tumblindice]

An old homo named Barry Obamer
Was cursed with a very bad stammer.
“The b-bane of my life,”
He said, “is m-my wife.
D-d-d-d-d-d-damn her.”

[Candor7]

[dayglored]

> Fudge Packers

Packin' that fudge,
Some will not budge,
Barry-O you better... watch your speed.

In goes the head,
In the behind,
And you know that lotion... just blew his mind....

[null and void]

Love the Bee!

[ExTexasRedhead]

Zero is gay and there never was a marriage with Mike whose trans. They both have a destiny in Gitmo.

[Candor7]

Sounds like a maximum security federal lock up shower song.

[Repeal The 17th]

obscene

[norsky]

If divide Aniston in syllables you will understand

[Carriage Hill]

Mr Sea Hunt seemed to always have his tank, mask and flippers on, so he’d probably be OK. LOL.