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Are You Old? Know The Signs
Babylon Bee ^ | December 11, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 12/12/2024 4:48:07 PM PST by Twotone

As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, "Hey, am I old now?"

Here are 15 signs that you are, in fact, old:

1. You saw this article scrolling Facebook: Dead giveaway.

2. You have something in your wallet called "cash": Okay, boomer.

3. You take a minute to plan your approach before picking something up off the floor: Can't be too hasty.

4. You whisper secrets so Alexa doesn't hear you: You know they're listening!

5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs.

6. You have car glasses, reading glasses, work glasses, TV glasses, and regular glasses: None of which you can locate.

7. Your orthopedist named his boat after you: Subtle, but a sure sign.

8. You just checked the clock to see when you can take ibuprofen again: Nope, it's only been 13 minutes.

9. You tape little pieces of paper over your computer's camera so the hackers can't see you: Smart.

10. You think Babylon Bee headlines are real news: A classic symptom of oldness.

11. You sign all of your texts 'Love, Dad': And you think LOL means 'Lots of Love.'

12. Reeeeeee!!: Oh, that's just your tinnitus flaring up again.

13. You're on an Alaskan cruise: They're like a siren song to the old.

14. You were born in the 1930s: Pretty straightforward.

15. You got elected to Congress: Oof.

How many boxes did you check there, old-timer?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: age; babylonbee; humor; old
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

You too?


41 posted on 12/12/2024 7:46:27 PM PST by null and void (Regarding the second Trump presidency, everyone who isn’t terrified is thankful!)
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To: mabarker1

2 & 3 for me, at 75.


42 posted on 12/12/2024 8:16:09 PM PST by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: Twotone

You know when you’re really old? When your family talks about you in front of you....”What are we going to do with Pop, we’ve got company coming over tonight.”

-Rodney Dangerfield


43 posted on 12/12/2024 8:17:23 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Twotone

Zero - and I’m 72.

I do get the urge to listen to Steely Dan tunes - but not on CD.
I have trouble picking things up off the floor - but I don’t plan my approach
I have car glasses - but not the others
I have mild tinnitus sometimes when it gets really quiet - but nothing to complain about

That’s about it.


44 posted on 12/12/2024 8:26:49 PM PST by enumerated (81 million votes my ass)
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To: dfwgator

I do know I’m really old. I fit in number 14. Just celebrated my 91 birthday. Born in 1933. Did anyone match that? I clime23 steps up and down every day, some days 3 or 4 times. I walk to the P.O. Do I get a trophy?


45 posted on 12/12/2024 8:51:24 PM PST by WVNan
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To: Twotone

I guess I’m beyond old: my Steely Dan albums are on vinyl.


46 posted on 12/12/2024 8:53:23 PM PST by FlatulusMaximus
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To: cowboyusa

If records are getting popular! Wow, I’ve got a gazillian of them. Any Bluegrass fans?


47 posted on 12/12/2024 8:56:55 PM PST by WVNan
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To: dznutz

Now THAT is funny! (And sad to say, true.)


48 posted on 12/12/2024 9:03:59 PM PST by Old Grumpy
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To: dznutz

I resemble that list.....


49 posted on 12/12/2024 9:06:52 PM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: WVNan

WOW, that’s impressive! I can only hope to accomplish all that you do now. Congratulations on a nice long life.


50 posted on 12/12/2024 9:08:25 PM PST by Old Grumpy
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To: Twotone

4, 5, 6!, 8, 9, 12...


51 posted on 12/12/2024 9:10:02 PM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: FlatulusMaximus

“I guess I’m beyond old: my Steely Dan albums are on vinyl.”

Mine too. And a fair number of my records are 78rpm shellac. To understand where the term album comes from look at a set of 78’s in a binder.


52 posted on 12/12/2024 10:02:10 PM PST by FrozenAssets (You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps)
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To: metmom

4, 5, 6!, 8, 9, 12...

345-6789


53 posted on 12/12/2024 10:04:45 PM PST by FrozenAssets (You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps)
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To: Twotone

NASA, Boeing, Harvard, marxism, MSNBC = “old”


54 posted on 12/12/2024 10:09:12 PM PST by linMcHlp
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To: FrozenAssets

4, 5, 6!, 8, 9, 12...

345-6789

Sorry, wrong number! 634-5789.


55 posted on 12/12/2024 10:10:54 PM PST by FrozenAssets (You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps)
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To: Twotone

You drive around all over with your left blinker going all the time.


56 posted on 12/12/2024 10:42:58 PM PST by jmacusa (Liberals. Too stupid to be idiots.)
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To: Old Grumpy; metmom

I did all of those on that list except the one about the scale being wrong.


57 posted on 12/12/2024 11:05:51 PM PST by dznutz
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To: Twotone

#3 is the most important. Dropping something on the floor requires a slow deliberate move to pick it up, otherwise your back goes out.

Also never trust a burp or a fart


58 posted on 12/12/2024 11:13:05 PM PST by Gaffer
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To: freepersup

...but you still have your hearing...


59 posted on 12/13/2024 12:10:01 AM PST by Does so (A country about to outlaw Yellow #4 food dye but makes Marijuana legal?...🇺🇦...Dem☭¢rat...≣)
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To: katana

Yep. Counting back to when your grandparents were born and then when their grandparents were born and pretty soon you’re in the colonial era.


60 posted on 12/13/2024 12:16:38 AM PST by 9YearLurker
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