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Are You Old? Know The Signs
Babylon Bee ^ | December 11, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 12/12/2024 4:48:07 PM PST by Twotone

As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, "Hey, am I old now?"

Here are 15 signs that you are, in fact, old:

1. You saw this article scrolling Facebook: Dead giveaway.

2. You have something in your wallet called "cash": Okay, boomer.

3. You take a minute to plan your approach before picking something up off the floor: Can't be too hasty.

4. You whisper secrets so Alexa doesn't hear you: You know they're listening!

5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs.

6. You have car glasses, reading glasses, work glasses, TV glasses, and regular glasses: None of which you can locate.

7. Your orthopedist named his boat after you: Subtle, but a sure sign.

8. You just checked the clock to see when you can take ibuprofen again: Nope, it's only been 13 minutes.

9. You tape little pieces of paper over your computer's camera so the hackers can't see you: Smart.

10. You think Babylon Bee headlines are real news: A classic symptom of oldness.

11. You sign all of your texts 'Love, Dad': And you think LOL means 'Lots of Love.'

12. Reeeeeee!!: Oh, that's just your tinnitus flaring up again.

13. You're on an Alaskan cruise: They're like a siren song to the old.

14. You were born in the 1930s: Pretty straightforward.

15. You got elected to Congress: Oof.

How many boxes did you check there, old-timer?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: age; babylonbee; humor; old
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To: katana
It's the same number of years from my birth year to now as the end of WWI to Reagan leaving office.

Enjoy your youth while you still can.

I only checked two on the list (2 and 3).

21 posted on 12/12/2024 5:49:34 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: katana
Or juxtaposing time spans, ie. it’s the same number of years from my birth year to now as the end of WWI to Reagan leaving office. Genuine “Holy S***!” revelations.

For me it's the same number of years from my birth year to now as Custer's Last Stand was to my birth year. Oh man!

22 posted on 12/12/2024 5:53:59 PM PST by Inyo-Mono
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To: null and void

Cashiers no longer bother carding me when I purchase alcohol. When I look at the scanner screen where the wine is listed, it says: “Purchaser verified as over 41 years of age”. And the cashier never bothered to even ask me for proof.


23 posted on 12/12/2024 6:01:53 PM PST by 4Runner (Watch. Wallet. Gun. Right foot! Left foot! Thank God for guns! --Denny Crane)
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To: Beowulf9

78 next month. Scored 1.5. #5=.5 I own a lot of CDs which digitized to flac. Now I enjoy Tida.


24 posted on 12/12/2024 6:02:05 PM PST by TexasGator (111I1/.1111'/1./')
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To: Twotone
IMG-1295
25 posted on 12/12/2024 6:04:02 PM PST by dznutz
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To: dznutz

It seems like household projects are timewise 40% just figuring out where I put the tools or material.


26 posted on 12/12/2024 6:07:51 PM PST by posterchild
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To: Twotone

I broke a rib picking something up from the floor on Thanksgiving day, so, yeah, I plan my pick ups.


27 posted on 12/12/2024 6:15:17 PM PST by Excellence (ANGRY, DAMNED-OLD, GUN-TOTIN' WOMAN FOR TRUMP)
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To: Twotone

3


28 posted on 12/12/2024 6:15:53 PM PST by Uncle Miltie ("Israel will just have to ... kill more Christians” - FR's own "nitzy")
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To: Twotone

21: You can’t trust a fart.


29 posted on 12/12/2024 6:17:59 PM PST by Fuzz
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To: Twotone

I’m old.

Beats the alternative.

Next question?


30 posted on 12/12/2024 6:36:41 PM PST by Nervous Tick (Wipe the stain of Islam off of the face of the earth!)
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To: Twotone

0

But I’m just 70, so I have a few years left. LOL!


31 posted on 12/12/2024 6:42:56 PM PST by Jemian ( Buy American. Employ Americans)
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To: katana

Same amount of years from my high school graduation to today as there were from D-Day to my graduation lol


32 posted on 12/12/2024 6:47:48 PM PST by pburiak (You really think we can vote our way out of this? That’s so cute...)
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To: Twotone
#16

You buy all the latest gadgets advertised on TV and internet by Bell and Howell, especially if the word “Tac” is included in the product name.

33 posted on 12/12/2024 7:19:04 PM PST by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's for sure.)
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To: Nervous Tick
I’m old.

Beats the alternative.

Next question?

Like the old Irish saying goes….”Do not resent growing old, many are denied the privilege.”

34 posted on 12/12/2024 7:20:39 PM PST by dznutz
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To: Mr Rogers; Chode; SkyDancer; Salamander; Carriage Hill; Lockbox; MtnClimber; nascarnation; ...
Complete “Have Gun Will Travel” DVD set.

Is that like a Guide on the locations where all the Nice, Reasonably Priced (or Free) Gun Ranges 🔫 in the United States of America 🇺🇸 are, with Lodging and Restaurants nearby them ?

Oh yeah I almost forgot: 2,3,6,8,9,10. So 6 out of 15 so 40%.

35 posted on 12/12/2024 7:22:15 PM PST by mabarker1 ( (Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!! A fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I'm a member of Congress!!!)
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To: Twotone

You paid $3,000, or less, for a new muscle car.
You paid single digits for Rolling Stones tickets.
You paid $.89 for a 6-pack.
You paid $20 for a righteous lid (weighed ounce) of pretty good, well, nevermind.


36 posted on 12/12/2024 7:22:28 PM PST by Roadrunner383
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To: Nervous Tick
I’m old.

Beats the alternative.

Next question?

Doesn't that depend on where you go when you go?

37 posted on 12/12/2024 7:24:43 PM PST by null and void (Regarding the second Trump presidency, everyone who isn’t terrified is thankful!)
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To: Roadrunner383

Around 1972, I had an $8.00 ticket to a Who concert that I traded for a lid of Mexican green. On my death bed, when it gets to the regrets portion, I am definitely going to raise this NOT so slick move, as one of my lifetime regrets.


38 posted on 12/12/2024 7:39:24 PM PST by freepersup (“Those who conceal crimes are preparing to commit new ones.” ~Vuk Draskovic~)
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To: Twotone

4.


39 posted on 12/12/2024 7:43:28 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (FBI out of Florida!)
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To: Doctor Congo

I will never consult AI. It would just tell me to kill myself after not considering me worth its time.


40 posted on 12/12/2024 7:44:37 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (FBI out of Florida!)
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