Loner stabbed himself to death trying to separate two frozen burgers with a knife

The New York Post ^ | September 18, 2024 | Emily Crane

[Responsibility2nd]

He stabbed his meat.

[coloradan]

Meat kills! If those had been veggie burgers he would still be alive today. Because if two veggie burgers were frozen together, he would have just thrown them out.

[monkeyshine]

Note to self: use a spatula

[KarlInOhio]

Two burgers frozen together is nature’s way of telling you to have a double burger.

[ProtectOurFreedom]

And point the spatula AWAY from your stomach.

[cpdiii]

A stab wound to the abdomen is rarely fatal unless he hit the vena cava, which would quickly bleed out and then death..

[CaptainPhilFan]

Oh dang I am so sorry but I laughed because this is exactly the kind of thing I would do. In fact, I did. My left thumb will forever be wonky because I was trying to unthaw chicken broth with my big knife because grand daughter #2 wanted chicken rice. I am so grateful I didn’t kill myself, it could have been much worse. I’m sorry to the guy and his loved ones.

[CaptainPhilFan]

IN FACT, my whole family tries to make sure I don’t stab myself trying to separate frozen burgers and the like. I have been gifted metal chainmail gloves. Again, I am so sorry to the poor bloke who did the stupid thing, I sure hope I have learned my lesson.

[Deaf Smith]

Is “frozen burgers” a euphemism for something else?

[cpdiii]

Forgot to add this about bleeding out. We had a patient in our hospital that was scheduled for surgery. He was on the ward and was calling his wife the night before surgery. He had an aortic arch anuresym needing repair. He sat down and told his wife he was not feeling well and died. The anuresym dissected completely and pumped most his blood into his chest cavity. It was painless.

[gundog]

This is why they make tablesaws.

[Don W]

Always cut towards your chum,
never cut towards your thumb.

You can always find another chum,
you’ll never grow another thumb...

[MayflowerMadam]

I had to take my ex to the ER a long time ago ‘cause he was using a knife to chip frozen spaghetti sauce out of a glass jar.

The doctor asked, “Do you have a microwave?”

[Captain Peter Blood]

If he had put them in the Microwave and defrosted them he would be here now.

[Songcraft]

Sadly, this poor chap fell on his sword (so to speak).

(As the vegans say, he should have been a vegan.)

[RummyChick]

Not going to judge. Have done some stupid stuff.

. Couldn’t get a diet coke bottle open. The more I failed the more I wanted it. Put a rubber around the top of a lid to open most stubborn tops when you have small hands. Safer than a knife

[Georgia Girl 2]

I’ve done it a million times but I use a butter knife. 😉

[philman_36]

Two burgers frozen together is nature’s way of telling you to have a double burger.

Pass them under running water. They split apart easily after that.

[mmichaels1970]

The medical examiner eventually ruled Griffiths — who had limited use of one arm following a stroke — most likely died from an accident and not a suicide.

Poor guy. Sounds like he had it pretty rough. And he died alone. That’s sad.