I like a good cheek. Is there a pinkish hue? A rosey glow.
Posted on 07/29/2023 5:46:04 AM PDT by Twotone
Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.
Come along as The Babylon Bee presents a crash course on the timeless art of beauty and seduction.
1. Be a woman: We can't stress this one enough.
2. Bacon-scented body lotion: Making yourself smell like a slab of fried pig meat will make you irresistible to any real man.
3. Do your hair like Princess Leia: This works best when paired with the slave outfit from Jabba the Hutt's palace.
4. Get Botox and lip fillers: Just kidding — that's the worst idea ever.
5. Shave your real eyebrows off and paint fake ones on instead: We don't know why, but people do it.
6. Swap out your shampoo with BBQ sauce: Your hair might be a little sticky, but it'll do the trick. Trust us.
7. Part your hair on the side — NO WAIT, everyone's doing a middle part now — NO WAIT, no part at all, with bangs. NO WAIT — NO BANGS! AAAHHHHHHH!: Just put it in a ponytail. It's probably fine.
8. Use an entire suitcase full of makeup every day, but make it look like you're not wearing any: Celebrities do it, so it must be pretty easy.
9. Bathe: A revolutionary new study shows men are more likely to spend time with a woman who is clean.
That's it! If you follow those simple, easy steps, you'll have a guy in your life explaining the plot of Dune and asking you to make him sandwiches in no time!
Put something behind your ears men can’t resist: your heels.
Lol.
#9 can be done while naked.
So can #7.
Sadly, it seems a lot of women these days think the following things ARE attractive:
* Lots of tattoos on every part of your body. Being overweight only adds to the beauty.
* As for the overweight part, be sure to wear tight-fitting clothes. Spandex especially makes you look really, really sexy.
* Nose ring. Get a nose ring.
* Dye your hair bright neon. Make it look as unnatural as possible. Pink, red, blue, green, orange, purple are all good.
LOL, the Bee is just AMAZING on an ongoing basis!
I like a good cheek. Is there a pinkish hue? A rosey glow.
“* Lots of tattoos on every part of your body. Being overweight only adds to the beauty.”
Neck tattoos are particularly attractive, especially the ones that go from chin to shoulders.
Winter 82-83: My wife decided she was done with with hair salons and makeup. She has probably saved us at least $20k over those 40 years. And I’m glad she still has her hourglass figure.
Sammich
thankfully wifey is a health nut so she always looks healthy but her best trick is when any type of an argument looks like it might break out(usually my fault) she whip up her blouse and simply says “argue with these”. argument over.
Yep- sitting here in car at the beach having breakfast, and the number of women walking by covered in tattoos and facial jewelry and ear stretchers etc is unreal. Women of all ages it seems too.
Someone should start a dating app called “Tattoo and piercings free dating site” (or something more clever)
Churches and youth groups should teach kids to pledge to remain Tattoo free (we are talking about excessive tattoos here-) if possible (when you get radiation, they do tatt you, but only with small dots so they can line up the machine correctly)
Just my personal opinion- can’t stand seeing a beautiful woman walk by who decided to destroy her looks by getting radical tattoos or ugly disfiguring piercings etc all over their bodies and faces. God gives them the privilege of being beautiful, and the reject it and destroy their looks. So many women wouod love to have their natural beauty too (without the tattoos I mean)
tatfoo
tatfooey
tatless
sanstat
God, please bring me such a woman!!!
I couldn’t agree more.
* Shave one side of your head.
Ink and metal on a woman's body is like spray-painted graffiti on a work of art.
Now that’s a trick!
I am blessed with such a wife. She knows that simply displaying "the girls" will cause me to immediately lose my train of thought. I kinda hate to admit it, but it really does work. And I am sure this effect is pretty common among men.
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