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Wife Accidentally Opens Trans-Dimensional Portal Trying To Find Power Button On Remote
The Babylon Bee ^
| February 22, 2023
| The Babylon Bee
Posted on 02/23/2023 11:49:16 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
SIDNEY, MT — The quiet town of Sidney, Montana made headlines recently after a transdimensional portal appeared in the home of Bob and Cynthia Allen. Sources say the wife accidentally opened the time-tunneling tesseract while trying to find the power button on the remote.
The cat was sucked into the otherworldly vortex before the couple realized what was happening.
"I just pushed all the colored buttons, hoping one of them turned it off!" screamed Cynthia while clutching the kitchen table with her husband and watching her favorite bowl disappear into the otherworldly schism. "This is why I just let you do all the TV stuff!"
"That wasn't even the right remote!" Howled her husband through the tearing of space-time while simultaneously calculating the replacement costs of all the furniture disappearing into the void. "How many times do I — ugh — the Samsung remote is for the Samsung TV. You're holding the Sony remote which controls the — just give it to me."
Bob eventually regained command of the situation and vaporized the omniperforated rift by tapping the 17-button, 3-remote shutdown sequence that every husband knows by instinct.
At publishing time, the Allen family was recovering from the transdimensional ordeal while housetraining their new pet, a 42-eyed, multi-tentacled Gorblax. Nobody missed the cat.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Humor; Miscellaneous; Pets/Animals; Science; TV/Movies; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; husband; portal; powerbutton; remote; satire; technology; tesseract; wife
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Not really anything to joke about.
2
posted on
02/23/2023 11:52:46 AM PST
by
waterhill
(All you need is a Catahoula and an 870)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I don’t touch the remotes very often....I can turn the thing on and off and maybe record something...but to go to Prime or anything else, forgetaboutit.
3
posted on
02/23/2023 11:57:35 AM PST
by
cherry
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
This is all I could find on the internet about Gorblax...
4
posted on
02/23/2023 11:59:15 AM PST
by
DannyTN
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I HATE When That Happens!
5
posted on
02/23/2023 12:01:00 PM PST
by
left that other site
(Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Can you imagine the bedtime stories these dads tell their kids?
6
posted on
02/23/2023 12:06:22 PM PST
by
metmom
(...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Wait! Step away from the remote, Honey!
Just tell me what you want...
7
posted on
02/23/2023 12:12:45 PM PST
by
Adder
(ALL Democrats are the enemy. NO QUARTER!!)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
8
posted on
02/23/2023 12:14:51 PM PST
by
blackdog
((Z28.310) Forget "Global Warming", new grants are for "Galaxy Dimming")
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
9
posted on
02/23/2023 12:28:59 PM PST
by
dynachrome
(“We cannot save Ukraine by dooming the US economy.” Rand Paul)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
My son reprogrammed the cable box once. The rep on the phone kept saying, “Nobody ever did this before!”
10
posted on
02/23/2023 12:38:30 PM PST
by
Tax-chick
(Zip! Thud. The end.)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
better keep them the hell away from the controls...
11
posted on
02/23/2023 12:42:34 PM PST
by
Chode
(there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
To: Adder
Will she rent it out? My wife needs a trip.
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
-PJ
13
posted on
02/23/2023 1:23:42 PM PST
by
Political Junkie Too
( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
14
posted on
02/23/2023 1:26:19 PM PST
by
mjp
(pro-freedom & pro-wealth $)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Wife Accidentally Opens Trans-Dimensional Portal Trying To Find Power Button On Remote`
If I were her husband, I would buy her the largest diamond ring in the world if she could find the door to the dimension where people with penises are considered men and senile old communists are in care homes rather than high office.
15
posted on
02/23/2023 1:38:45 PM PST
by
fr_freak
This guy will fix things.
Maybe...
16
posted on
02/23/2023 1:47:40 PM PST
by
RandallFlagg
("Okay. As long as the paperwork is clean, you boys can do what you like out there." -Fifi)
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
17
posted on
02/23/2023 8:27:13 PM PST
by
henbane
( )
To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The Bee ripped off “Stay Tuned”.🤨
18
posted on
02/23/2023 9:50:30 PM PST
by
BiteYourSelf
( Earth first, we'll strip mine the other planets later.)
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