Posted on 07/20/2022 9:04:14 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
BISMARCK, ND — After seeing President Biden travel to Saudi Arabia to beg for more oil, North Dakota decided to assassinate and dismember a journalist so the president would let them drill for oil.
Unable to find anyone with a name matching Jamal Khashoggi, the journalist killed in 2018 by order of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, North Dakota had to settle for local blogger Jamal Kushman, who they assassinated and dismembered.
"It's tough, but this is how the U.S. government works; sometimes we have to play their game," said Governor Doug Burgum from the capital Bismarck, previously thought to be a fictional town. The governor continued — while wrapping a towel around his head — "By the way, I now go by Crown Prince Dougdullah bin Burgum."
The plan to assassinate a journalist to produce more oil seems to have worked, as Joe Biden immediately flew into the real town of Bismarck, begging to fist-bump Crown Prince Burgum and take a look at his harem.
At publishing time, Texas Governor Greg Abbott was planning on regaining permission to drill for oil by doing another 9/11.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
LOL! Dayum!
“...Bismarck, previously thought to be a fictional town”
LOL
LMAO!!
These despicable North Dakotans MUST be brought to justice. ;-)
LOL!
Crown Prince Burgum is a bosom buddy of Bill Gates who became a billionaire by selling his company Great Plains Software to Microsoft.
Winter in North Dakota and head South to Texas in the summer.
I’m retired, I could do that.
Great movie by the way (based on true events).
Go Bears
It’s dark, but like all satire, gets the point actoss.
Hard cheese on Jamal Kushman. Too bad they weren’t able to lure Jared Kushner out to the Dakotas. Incidentally it was Kushner who secretly gave that super high tech Israeli phone-breaking technology (outlawed in the U.S.) to Mohammed bin Salman.
Only true MAGA believers are allowed to visit the Holy City of Fargo. Democrats and RINOs must drive around it.
“So... I guess that’s your partner there in the woodchipper, Eh?”
Journalist no longer exist. They are an extinct species, and besides, who cares if those lying hosebags get assasinated and dismembered?
Drill, baby, drill!
A deal’s a deal
The Babylon Bee needs to be a daily newspaper.
This is one of the funniest things I have read in years…I’m still laughing. Brilliant job.
I’m pleasantly surprised by the reactions. I figured it would be more along the lines of how most FReepers would react to Howard Stern. I mean, dismembering journalists and planning 911s to get permission to drill for oil is brutal!
The governor needs to be put over my knee for a spanking (eye roll).
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